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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

32 weeks and mental health is the worst it's ever been

1 reply

Roeslein · 21/06/2022 17:06

So I am 32 weeks into my second pregnancy. My son is 4 and a lovely, easy-going child, quite helpful around the house etc. No health issues and husband and I both have pretty good jobs. No money problems. I know objectively I am incredibly lucky.

Over the course of one week some time ago, my closest friend declined to be a godfather to the baby (we are both religious so this was a reasonable request, and originally he wanted to do it and we talked about what that would look like, what his involvement would be etc., but then his wife asked him to refuse) and then one of my reports quit and told HR the lack of support and negative feedback from me had damaged her mental health. I was bullied myself years ago and genuinely thought I had done all I could to give this woman the opportunities she was looking for, even though her performance was not always what we had hoped for, so this really hurt. These two things combined just completely wiped me out and weeks later I still don't know how to move forward.

I know no one in this city (I moved here for the job a year and a half ago and have been working all hours, so no time to meet anyone) and I feel incredibly isolated. My parents live abroad and don't travel much. My husband's parents are deceased and we have no siblings. I have a few other friends who live far away and have small children of their own. Nobody will visit when the baby is born. I wasn't able to attend NCT classes to meet people because the ones for second babies, as well as pregnancy yoga etc. were all during working hours. I was really counting on my friend as someone who would at least symbolically welcome the baby's arrival and I was so looking forward to having a small celebration even if with just our families for the christening, and now even that is gone.

On top of that, I was quite sick in the first trimester and it affected my energy and performance at work, and professionally I am still feeling the consequences of that now. My husband is also having some issues at work and was never keen to move to this city (he followed me for this job), so he's not really able to help. I feel like running away, but I don't know where to go, I don't have a "home" to go back to (we've both moved around a lot due to our jobs) and it seems everywhere would be the same - it feels like I am the problem. I do see a therapist privately, which costs me a fortune, and it helps to some degree, but I have no idea what else to do. I've never experienced anything like this before. Has anyone else had challenges with their mental health during pregnancy?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Sussex34 · 21/06/2022 20:13

Just wanted to stop by to send some positive vibes. Your post reads like you’re carrying a lot of guilt / blame with you for lots of things including the move to a new city and your team member leaving. I think the most important thing you can try and relieve yourself of some of this weight on your shoulders and realise you’re not to blame for anything you’ve described in your post. Your partner moved with you because they love you and people leave their jobs all the time and almost ALWAYS blame their manager for poor performance or stress! Def try and get some therapy for someone to talk it through with and try and focus on the wonderful time ahead of you with your new baby. Also I was surprised at how many people you can meet at baby clubs etc so just throw yourself in to those once baby arrives. Hope even some of this might have helped but to say your feelings are valid and you just need to try and take some pressure off yourself. 💐

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