How to keep it quiet until the right time

[MaybeWhat]

Hi

So I'm very much in the camp of "tell NO ONE (apart from partner and medical staff) until after 12 weeks"

I know others are happy to share news sooner but MC rates are so much higher than anyone thinks before this time, that I absolutely wouldn't want anyone to know sooner.

My queery is 1stly, any generic advice on this? People questioning sickness or changes?

And more specifically. Vaping. I have vaped for years now (smoked for 10 years before that) I was on 12mg, but knowing we are trying I have been cutting my nicotine down and down over the last 3 months. I'm now down to mixing a 3mg and a 0mg to make roughly 1.5mg. I don't know what to do when I get to 0mg though. If I stop vaping entirely then people at work WILL figure it out in about 2 days as we all vape together in a group. And by cutting down my nicotine I've worked out its the 'hand to mouth' move that I get most out of from vaping. Does andone know where I can look for information about using a vape with 0mg nicotine in it whilst pregnant?

Any other advice for someone who has never done anything like this before and is completely unwilling to talk to any friends and family about it?

Just tell people you’re quitting vaping, I doubt anyone will think much of it.

Not everyone is sick, I’ve personally never guessed someone is pregnant because I’ve noticed them be sick in work etc.

Don’t worry about what people think. It’s none of their business and if anyone does ask just say - Ive stopped because I warned to.

I don't think people will be suspicious.

I managed to keep both my pregnancies secret until almost 20 weeks, and only because I got a little bump at that stage and people guessed.

I managed to keep it quiet at work until 20 weeks and no-one guessed. I did tell close friends at 12 weeks and only one guessed beforehand (although I was so sick I didn't go out much, so didn't really see people much).

People really don't take much notice of other people - you feel like you have a big sign over your head, but you don't. Can't you just say you're quitting smoking? It's a perfectly normal thing to do, I wouldn't assume pregnancy.

I'm mostly worried about them saying something because I don't work in a nice normal distant office where others are respectul and professional. I work in an environment where every single one of us is female and the atmosphere it madness and invasive and mildly toxic. One of the other girls did quit smoking and moved entirely to vape last month and it lead to a 2 week interogation by the others and constant badgering and hourly questioning for her from some others in particular.

I am looking for another job btw. I can't cope with the atmosphere there but I am on a slightly higher than average hourly rate and can't realy afford to go down in pay.

I think the issue here is more your working environment, that’s not normal at all and it being all female is irrelevant to that kind of behaviour.

One of the other girls did quit smoking and moved entirely to vape last month and it lead to a 2 week interogation by the others and constant badgering and hourly questioning for her from some others in particular.

Why on earth didn't this girl raise a complaint with HR? You should speak to them if the same happens to you.

That sounds like a bizarre working environment, why do they even care? For what it's worth the vast majority (20/22) of the people I worked with when pregnant were women, and they didn't behave like that.

I also find it a bit odd that moving from smoking to vaping makes people think you're pregnant. Surely when you find out you're pregnant you stop smoking entirely, whether cigarette or vape? I know that's very hard to do and not everyone manages it, but it is the norm.

I also find it a bit odd everyone vapes, tbh... I don't know anyone who does! Just a couple of very long-term smokers.

I mentioned all female environment trying to find a polite way of saying 'catty' and 'intrusive' (not something I've found when working with men in the past so does seem to be a female thing).

@ChagSameachDoreen She didn't say anything to anyone because if it was the other way round she would have been one of the biggest commenters and just gave it back to them, resulting in hour by hour slanging matches i.e.
"oh you quit smoking? doubt it. Bet you just do it secretly now to get attention"
"you only say that because you dont know how to quit the married man youre seeing every night"
"yeah well at least if hes married you know hes ok with commitment. better than you, all yours come with an ankle tag"
"either way I dont smoke cigarettes now. Just my vape. I need that because i can have it in the car when my daughter stresses me out"
^ Literally a conversation back and forth I heard when she quit. I can't do that. I cant stand there and argue back with any of these people. I just stand there qwkwardly floundering.

Its like working with a bunch of teenagers some times. And Un related to vaping or anything else in this post I have already raised an issue with HR for bulling because I just cant take it from them. I get a lot of "oh we're just having a laugh, why don't you just laugh with us" and "oh its only banter, it doesn't mean anything"

Just tell everyone to fuck off and mind their own business. Full stop, not just about your pregnancy.

I would be having none of it. As soon as anyone starts, tell them in no uncertain terms to FUCK OFF. See what they have to say about that!

I mentioned all female environment trying to find a polite way of saying 'catty' and 'intrusive' (not something I've found when working with men in the past so does seem to be a female thing).

I work in a predominantly female environment and don’t recognise any of this type of behaviour whatsoever.