Trying to Get Excited About Third Pregnancy

[SCBH]

I am early pregnant with my third child. I am having a VERY hard time accepting and being excited about my third pregnancy. This was planned, but Ive become extremely overwhelmed at this point. My anxiety and hormones do not help im sure. I could go on about my feelings, but I wont. It really doesnt make much sense, but it is what it is. I am writing this post in an effort to start changing my mindset. Can anyone share positive tips, comments, exciting things for myself and any others who may be in this boat? I realize that I need to start thinking POSITIVELY instead of worrying so. Thank you!!!

Hi op

What exactly is it you're anxious about?

Firstly, congratulations! I am also pregnant with #3.

I totally get where you are coming from. I wonder if it's because lots of couples debate going from 2-3 as there are lots of cons, as well as pros. When it's actually happened and you are pregnant, you can dwell on these cons and it can send you into a bit of a panic mode!

I have suffered with Hyperemesis this pregnancy and it's had a massive impact on my mental health. I wanted to get pregnant, but then when I was and when I was so ill, I hated it for a long time. I recall going to my 20 week scan and feeling barely any excitement at all.

I'm 27 weeks now and feel much better, and as a result, my mental health and my excitement for this baby has improved.

Are you feeling anxious about anything in particular, or just generally overwhelmed?

Hi all! Thanks SO MUCH for responding. I have found this board a great source of people that can relate to my feelings.

I am 38. I am 8 weeks pregnant. My two girls will have just turned 3 and 7 when the baby is here.

My worries have spiraled and mainly consist of my age, and then being able to care for three children.

I have somewhat gotten the worries over my age under control somewhat. Right now, I am obsessing over being able to handle the stress of three kids, the changing dynamics of my family, and worried about how my two children will handle this change. Now that Im pregnant, I cant keep from thinking about how somewhat easy we have it at this point with our children getting older, and thinking, OMG, what have we done??

I fully admit that I can catastraphise (?) any situation. I realize that my worst fears usually do not come true. I am reached a point today where I realize that I cannot keep going down this rabbit hole, and I need to start taking steps to change my attitude about this. This is what we wanted, it should be a joyous time. So I making efforts to try and change my viewpoint here!!! Any tips WELCOMED!!!!

I have to go back and comment on something that you mentioned that really resignated with me. For those of us who want to have children, having a first and second is usually an easy decision. You are right - the third can br a not so easy decision- and because of my anxiety, my brain is only focusing on the cons. Its hard for me to remember the positives now for some reason. When I was pregnant with my first and second, I was also anxiety filled in the beginning-with my first, something will be wrong, with my second- "i dont feel pregnant, im not really pregnant." I need to realize the trend...I think this go round its "did we make the right decision??????"

I am hoping that once we know the gender, once i see a face on the ultrasound, and once the baby is born, I'll realize that the worrying was senseless. I feel like right now, so so early, its a "pregnancy," but a bit later it will start to feel more and more like my child.

I have been here before with anxiety...as you may can tell. I need to look back, acknowledge my feelings but realize they likely wont come to fruition. I am going to do my best to not let those thoughts consume me anymore and try to start replacing them with positive thoughts.

Hi OP, I think it’s really common for women to freak out when they are pregnant! It’s a daunting prospect when you already have an ‘established’ family and you wonder how a new person will change things.

I have three children and it’s chaotic but wonderful. They are all 5 and under so smaller gaps but I love how they are a little unit. They (mostly!) adore each other and I think it’s lovely they have each other.

Also, I found going from 2-3 much easier than from 1-2. The third child just has to slot in and you also know what you’re doing!

Bless you. Does your eldest girl know you're having a baby? She'll be at the age where she loves babies and probably be a massive help to you (helping with getting excited etc).

There are some really good books on CBT that can help with the catastrophizing. It's horrible being stuck in that cycle of "what if" and I really hope you start to feel better.

You're having a little baby!! Your girls will have an extra sibling to makes hilarious memories with and they'll help eachother through any hard times as adults. I love my sisters so much (even though we did have the of scrap as kids 🙄)
You'll have that beautiful smell of new baby in the house. Yum! Xx

Hey, I have a 7 and 5 yr old and now a 6 month old. Planned but did freak when I fell pregnant. Was so focused on falling pregnant that once I was I panicked what it could mean for family dynamics, also my age (37 now 38) and so on. It’s all been great. Hard work at fist as any new born is and managing school run, kids activities etc but actually I have enjoyed this baby the most in the sense of I am so much more relaxed this time round. The baby also has to fit in with everyone else’s schedule so luckily he is pretty chilled in a loose routine that works around me. I did worry about how my other two would take it it but they have been great. Accepting of me needing to spend so much time with the baby. And now he is getting to the more interactive phase they are loving playing with and amusing him (and asking me to have another 😮).
so yes it is the usual tiring and so forth at first but it all works out good 👍

This is so me! Im glad to hear your post, glad Im not alone. Feels like a dream, but Im glad to see it has worked out so well for you!!

No, we havent told the kids yet! Thank you for your helpful post!

Does anyone else have any positive experiences with a similar situation?

@SCBH how are things now? Would love an update. Considering 3rd,same age gaps. Thanks

Hey @SCBH how do you feel now? I’m up at 4am in the same situation (I also have two girls!) and with the exact feelings you describe, and would love to hear how you are feeling now. I feel ridiculous for feeling like this when we debated a third for so long but I am so overwhelmed at the moment.

I freaked out with every one of my (planned) pregnancies. By the third pregnancy I knew not to be alarmed at the panic.

Having 3 is the best thing ever! We love it! Our little girl slotted into our family beautifully and the older two adore her.There is a level of chaos to it, bit we embrace it. When they are altogether, I have such a sense of job satisfaction! My older two children are amazing but the third was the cherry on top! Something about the third seemed to activate a fab dynamic in the family. Has it always been easy? No. She was a bad sleeper. But has it been worth it? Yes, ten times over!

Im so pleased to read this thread - we’ve been trying for this pregnancy for 2 years and FINALLY maintained a pregnancy to have a second child and now all I can do is worry about it

my mum asked me the other day what I’m most excited about with the new baby and I literally couldn’t think of anything 😖

im worried about managing two, about the impact on the relationship with my son and my husband, the years of sleep deprivation, the finances etc etc. I can’t quite remember why I needed a second child so badly 🥺

@Nelbert19 I’m so glad I’m not the only one. Sorry you’re feeling like this too. How far along are you? I’m 8/9 weeks so at peak nausea and exhaustion - literally feeling sick every second at the moment - and very much hoping it’s mostly or at least partly that which is playing into my low mood!
I don’t remember feeling low like this in my last two pregnancies - but now all I can think of is the impact on our existing two, on our finances… all the stuff about ‘going back to the beginning’ and the sleepless nights which all felt a bit OTT and overblown before I was pregnant now completely terrifies me!!
I’m trying to focus on all the lovely and exciting side of having a new baby and how wonderful it will be but I am just struggling to get into a positive mindset.
Maybe we could form an unofficial support group!
I do remember from experience though that pregnancy is the absolute worst on every level, and however hard it is with a newborn, you always feel better once the baby is out!

Also @Nelbert19 if it helps, our second child was an entirely positive thing for our first born to the point where I can’t imagine what her life would be like without her sibling to play with! Watching their bond is the most amazing thing about being a parent - they adore each other and although it’s hard at first, long term it really is amazing how much they entertain each other! The world is also very set up for families of four.

I’m just worried I’m about to disrupt it all with a third… really hoping that I’m worrying about nothing!

I get it!! My daughter is 7 months old now! I had to get on Lexapro. Its like I had post partum during my pregnancy. We love our 3rd. I still can't believe we have a 3rd. Def adds to the work load but I know they get easier so I am enjoying!

Hi, I’m curious how it all went? In the same situation now!

How are you feeling now? Has the cloud lifted? I’m 7 weeks now expecting my third, and feeling the exact same way.

yes! my baby is almost 1 and we love her so.

@LessObviousName Hi. Your post resonates with me so much. I've just on the past 2 weeks discovered I'm pregnant . Planned but now I am riddled with extreme anxiety. Thinking of all that could go wrong. I've just turned 37. I've 4 and 6 Yr old currently. Would love to hear your thoughts esp now that you are a year or more in..how is it? I'm assuming busy but brilliant. Thanks. Just wish I wasn't catastrophising this. Anxiety is horrible.

Hey, the 6 month old is now just over two and I also have an 8 month old now 😬so four in total. The 8 month old was a surprise. So I went through all the anxiety all over again!
I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Having three was great. Where his siblings are a bit older he has been more adventurous and confident than the other two ever were. And he gets on great with them. Also because the other two were/are at school it helped.

now with four it’s even more chaotic but again I cannot imagine it any other way although we often feel like we need a third parent just to manage kids clubs/activities.

I constantly feel mum guilt that I am not paying kids enough attention etc but I think that is standard no matter how many children you have.

@LessObviousName I am currently in the same boat. I’m 37 and I have a 12 year old son and 8 year old son. We tried for this pregnancy for over a year, I found out I was pregnant last week.

i have been struggling to feel excited, this is what I wanted but feel guilty that im not happy. Worried about my age, finances, age gap between the kids.

I'm glad I found your post.

Congratulations @Mummyboys12 , I hope you have a smooth pregnancy. Don’t worry about the guilt, so normal. All your worries are completely normal but it will all come together when you have the little one.
i found having older children and assuming it might be your last too that it really makes you appreciate all the stages of the baby years, and also how simple baby problems are compared to older children. They cry and it’s because they are hungry/wet/tired and so forth, an older child is upset and it can be a mine field!

@LessObviousName Thanks for your reply. I feel a lot better already, hope you’re keeping well too?