Nervous about big age gap between siblings

[LaKaAl]

I’ve just found out i’m pregnant, should be due in February 23 all being well. I already have a 16 year old daughter from a previous relationship and my partner and I had been trying to conceive for the past 8 years. We’d pretty much resigned ourselves to not having kids so this news has come as quite a surprise.

I feel dreadful saying this but i’m really struggling to feel excited. I think i’d totally reconciled myself with the idea of being done with kids so to start again feels like a really scary prospect. I was 17 when I had my daughter so to finally have some freedom and independence now she’s a little older has been really liberating. I feel really trapped at the thought of starting all over again at this stage. I think I’d have felt differently if I’d got pregnant sooner and was bringing the kids up concurrently if that makes sense.

There’s not an option not to keep, and i feel like the worst human ever even thinking that. My OH is over the moon as he never thought he’d get to be a biological dad.

I don’t really know what the purpose of this post is. I’m just freaking out and really lonely and scared. More scared now than I was at 17!! Has anyone got children with a big age gap… or started out feeling terrified and come round to the idea?

10 years between my girls so not quite as much as you but I remember feeling similar. I think "what have I done" is a really common way to feel at the beginning of pregnancy, whatever your circumstances. I'm sure you'll come around as you feed off your partner's excitement

One of my best friend has a similar age difference and it's worked well for her, her DD adores their little DS, she's away at uni now so my DF has lots of time for her DS. Not quite the same but my DD6 has three paternal half siblings who are much older (11-17 years difference) they have a very different relationship to typical siblings but there's a lot of love there.

I had a 23 year age gap between my dds.
I didn't find out I was pregnant with dd2 until I was 20 weeks. I was 38 when I had her. She was definitely a surprise arrival.
Dd2 is the best thing to happen to us.

My Ds is 8 and my other dc are 20,24 and 28. I would say out of the 3 older ones the one that is the closest to the youngest is the 24 year old , so a 16 year gap. I would imagine your dd will enjoy a nurturing relationship with her sibling and there will be a lot of love there try not to worry x

A colleague of mine has three sons aged 23, 21 and 2! He and his wife just decided they weren't done yet after all. By all accounts it's going great for them.

Congratulations. You are bound to be a little shocked and scared after a long time trying.

Have you told your daughter the news yet? Our eldest daughter is in the middle of her GCSEs, so we plan to wait until she is finished to tell her.

My mother had my sister when I was 12 and my brother was 18, and now they’re grown up, they are very close.

You’ve summed it up perfect here! “What have I done” has been running around my head for days!! Hoping it will settle as things progress!!

Thanks so much!! Hearing that other people have made it work makes me feel so much better!!

I'm 16 years older than my sister and my birthdays Feb 23rd too.....very woo.
Me and my sister have always been very close despite the age gap so I'm glad she's here and now I'm 60 we've got so much more in common. Just embrace it. There isn't much else you can do for now.

If your older daughter is a Virgo then more woo points. 😅

Wow that must have been a huge shock!! I feel so much better hearing stories of people that have had kids with age gaps. I saw some threads on here of people saying 5 years was a big age gap and it totally freaked me out x

That’s comforting then!! Hopefully my 16 year old will take it ok x