Third child - 3 year age gap from DC2 or 4?

[Leopardpj]

We are planning a third child. Currently have DD1 4yrs 10mths and DD2 2yrs 4mths. DH thinks we should try now, and aim for an age gap of 3yrs with DD2 and 5.5 years with DD1. I agree it would be nice to have them close in age, but I am leaning towards waiting longer. I found the 2.5 year gap exhausting when DD2 was born, having a toddler on my hands as well (although obviously pandemic and no family support didn't help!) I don't have all that many memories of enjoying DD2 as a baby (awful as that sounds) the whole first year just felt like a struggle (although as DH would point out, it's paid off now, as they are super close and play wonderfully). Also I am really enjoying DD2 now as a two year old and don't love the idea of getting pregnant right now (I get very sick etc). I think I would like to keep enjoying this phase with DD2 while she is not yet at school, and would enjoy the third (and definitely last!) baby more if the older two were both in school by the time he/she arrived. However, I'm worried about the age gap if I do this - there would be a 6.5 year age gap with DD1 and 4yrs with DD2. I am worried that the gap between DD1 and the baby might be too big and they won't be close, and I'm worried about all these stories of one sibling always being left out if you have three. I just wondered if people have experiences with 3 DCs with similar gaps and how it's worked out?

Well I'd had my third by the time dc1 was 4 and a half so I had three under 5. Hard work but imo there are more advantages to having them close together.

You can't predict how well your children will get on with each other (either when young or as teens or adults) but you do have control about your day to day routines and activities and quite honestly it's so much easier if you're moving through each phase of parenting with them all pretty much on the same page. I also found taking the childcare 'hit' much better in the long run too. It was hellish expensive when they were pre school age but it meant I had 3 short maternity leaves in quick succession rather than spreading it over years and years.

I think an age gap which seems ok when they're small can seem a fair bit bigger when they're older-
Eg an 8 year old and a 2 year old may not seem a huge gulf but fast forward to the elder one being a teenager and you've got very different needs to try to meet

Thanks for your reply @missdemeanors - you’re a vote for my husband’s plan of getting on with it, then! Although even if we successfully got pregnant this month there would be a 5.5 year gap between DC1 and DC3, gulp! I suppose I feel I missed out a bit on enjoying DC2 as a baby because DC1 was still so young and demanding, and I worry about the same happening again with potential DC3 - however, I defo take your point about an 8 year old and a 2 year old. Finding it such a tricky decision!

My eldest ds is 8, my youngest is 3 (will be 4 when dc3 arrives) and dc3 due in December.

I’ve got 4 years between each of mine, not planned that way, just the way it worked out but for us it’s worked really well. Each child had got to the stage they are mostly independent at most things before we’ve had another baby. I hold my hat up to people who have a small age gap as I couldn’t do it!