health visitor coming round at 24 weeks pregnant?

[mimifv]

I’m 23 weeks pregnant and got a phone call today from the health visitor, she’s coming next week which I’m surprised at as I’ll only be 24 weeks? is this normal, am I overreacting for worrying abit. I’m a FTM so I’m not sure if this is normal or not,
What does the health visitor do at the first appointment? will she want to look round? will she be intrusive?
Thank you!

This is something to talk to your therapist (or whoever is working through the trauma with you) about how you will manage the appointments and your feelings about it.

listen to all the advice shared about other peoples experiences and put it in your pocket to hold on to during the appointment.

You could request the appointment is at the children's centre or other neutral location if that helps. It's also worth sharing your reasons.

This.

If you're truly unhappy about it you don't have to do it and you don't need the stress. One particularly sketchy midwife came out just after I had DS and I let everybody know that any further contact with midwives or health visitors etc would not take place in my home. From that point all my appointments were at the hospital or childrens centre. I had made a formal complaint and they backed off. It is normal though.

This is strange. Could the midwife have raised concerns? Or the GP?

I declined seeing the HV pre birth with both of mine, there times they offered didn’t work for me as worked full time. No issues with declining for me!

Just say no thank you, you don’t need a reason and you don’t need one after birth. SS are not called because you opt out of an optional service. It only works the other way round or if your child was on a protection plan SS could insist you have a HV.

Health Visitors are registered nurses, who have done a lot of extra training on young babies and family health. These days HVs have a degree in public health and they are also nurse prescribers. HVs do ante-natal visits, just to introduce themselves and their team. They run the baby clinic, for when your baby arrives and they can provide information on local baby groups. To find out more, Google HVs in your area.

I declined as they wanted to come during the week when I was at work. Wasn’t an issue.

Mine came at 26 weeks and she's coming back when I'm 34 weeks x

Was there a reason she came so early on? Glad I’m not the only one

Midwife seemed really happy with us and didn’t seem at all concerned, don’t really speak to my GP apart from the odd cold or uti lol, so I don’t think so

Some HV are absolutely useless, judgemental, use our of date information on breastfeeding, tongue tie, co-sleeping and weaning etc. If you ever feel like they're talking shit, get a second opinion from your GP or infant feeding lead in the NHS and sack them off. You may get lucky and get a good one but you can decline at any point.

op, remember that it is always your choice. You don't have to accept a visit - I didn't, I worked almost until my due date.

Some HVs are useful, some less so.
But If you really don't want her there, you can say no thanks.

Why don't you ask to meet at the health centre for the first time and explain your reasons?
Yes you can decline the visits, but why would want to as they can help answer questions especially as a FTM. I use to write down my questions as I thought of them and then when my HV arrived literally run down them and ask.
She has only been in my living room, even offered her tea which she declined explaining covid meant she couldn't accept.
I liked having my baby weighed and measured gave me reassurance.

It's really nothing to worry about. You'll get people saying it's strange/not the normal but it really does vary across the country. The initial meeting is just a contact meeting for them to explain who they are and what their role is. You may get some leaflets with advice and guidance. The next visit is when baby is around 7-10 days old and they weigh baby, ask how you're getting on etc.
I worried and cleaned the house from top to bottom, didn't have cot etc set up so worried they would question me about sleeping/check our bedroom but literally none of that came into judgement or question.
I've found them really helpful and found mine run free baby classes and swimming so it's a no brainer. It's also helped when I've had concerns about baby I can say to GP that HV has recommended xyz (whether the GP cares I don't know but it helped me feel validated as a FTM winging it!).

I even sent my dog out with a family member too thinking they would think he would be a risk (he's 10 and soft as a brush!)

Totally standard practice round my way. They'll ask if you understand the guidelines around safe sleeping, if you have a good support network and whether there's any domestic abuse. This isn't personal, just standard questions.

They will not check up on you, they won't ask to see babies sleeping space etc it is honestly just a support mechanism for you. You can absolutely decline and noone will phone social services but can I recommend you just let them in for the short appointment so you've got a link should you need them after baby is here.

I ended up sobbing down the phone to mine at four weeks post partum when feeding became a huge issue and she was a wonder.

@mimifv

I'm sorry your childhood creates this kind of anxiety. Would you consider counselling? Having your own baby can bring up lots of issues and seeing someone now, who you can come to trust might be really helpful for you.

HV can be brilliant, they can also be absolutely dreadful.

Are you working? An easy 'reason' not to have them visit you at home.

you are a nervous first time mum, meeting your HV before the baby arrives might be good for you, why not arrange to meet them somewhere neutral at a mutually convenient time? You'll feel less exposed & more in control. If you like her, great. If you don't, you can request another one or no further contact.

Think if it as interviewing them to see if you think they'll be help or hindrance!!

huge congratulations on your pregnancy!!

In 1990 it was standard . My HVs for both my sons were an absolute god send. They picked up on my PND at early stage. They signposted me to breastfeeding support when I was struggling. They suggested very practical ways of coping with baby/toddler after c-section. They identified hearing problems with my youngest etc etc. I still remember their names. I appreciated their help and input both times.
please don’t push this resource away…you are going to need all the help you are offered . Being a mother is not instinctive…it is a set of complex skills you have to learn to do over an extremely fast learning curve…it can be the most joyful part of your life but at the same time soul destroying and confidence crushing.

Thing is, 30 years on, many are not 'a god send'. Quite the opposite. Mums to be/new mums need to know they can be great, but also they can be awful, even harmful and that it's their right NOT to see them if they don't want to.

Through my job I meet many, let's just say the great ones stand out!

It’s worth noting @mimifv , that HVs get a lot of criticism on Mumsnet, pretty much like MILs. I’ve worked as a HVs for many years and never had a single family who refused our service. I’ve helped countless families through some very tough times and as I worked in the same area, I am now visiting some of the babies as new mums.

Please remember that as with everything, the quietly satisfied families don’t become keyboard warriors, using every opportunity to bang on about something or other.

Give your HVs a try @mimifv , you have nothing to lose and much to gain.

With both of my daughters, my HV came round pre birth (I forget when exactly) to ask some questions and see if we would need any additional support once baby arrived. She also gave us a ton of leaflets (safe sleeping, feeding, etc)

She came back around 1 week post birth to weigh baby and check how we were doing. She gave us info on "babies cry" (I presume this is an initiative they're pushing at the moment following lockdown and parents not coping well with high needs babies)

And she's back next week for dd2's 6 week check (and dd1's 27 month check)

Our HV is really lovely though and we've never had any issues with her

With both of my daughters, my HV came round pre birth (I forget when exactly) to ask some questions and see if we would need any additional support once baby arrived. She also gave us a ton of leaflets (safe sleeping, feeding, etc)

She came back around 1 week post birth to weigh baby and check how we were doing. She gave us info on "babies cry" (I presume this is an initiative they're pushing at the moment following lockdown and parents not coping well with high needs babies)

And she's back next week for dd2's 6 week check (and dd1's 27 month check)

Our HV is really lovely though and we've never had any issues with her

One thing I want to add is I bottle fed my baby. I just didn't want to breast feed. I was nervous about telling my HV this. She didn't bat an eyelid asked me how many ozs etc.

I had exactly the same!

Health visitors appear unpopular with most, but I personally was very grateful for mine. Especially when she pushed for referral when my child showed signs of delayed development. She did also come round pre birth x