Scared s**less, lonely, and worried.

[ToadstoolFairy]

Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone would be kind enough to offer some advice/guidance/healing vibes/crystals/a virtual cup of tea … anything.

I found out yesterday I am expecting DC no2. For backstory, my DD is 10 months old and the light of my bloody life. After DD was born, I knew right away that she was never going to be an only child as I became broody instantly (a feeling I never had even whilst carrying her): a feeling, which never disappeared despite many people telling me it would. DH and I have always known we wanted at least two children and so mutually agreed that “we’d see what happens” and not try and actively prevent another pregnancy.

Fast forward a few months the line, there’s not much desire, time, or energy for doing the horizontal monster mash very often, so we didn’t give it much though. In recently months with DD sleeping better, the stars aligning, and generally falling back into some sense of nooky-normality … we’ve dtd a handful of times. I’m still BFing, and had no idea if I was even ovulating nor not, so the idea of actually getting pregnant seemed too good to be true.

Over the last few days ‘Things Felt Different’ The Musical, and so I took a few tests, ultimately giving me the answer that I am pregnant again. However, much to my surprise, I feel scared shitless. I’m happy, but that happiness is buried under layers of fear, guilt, and pure shock. The guilt is the worst; every time I see a photo of my daughter I burst into tears because I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I absolutely adore Mummy and DD times together and I’m petrified that that has been ruined. Im also scared that the love I will feel for her will halve, as well as not having enough for a new baby, because I can’t imagine loving another human being as much as I love my DD. On the flip side, she can also be a complete firecracker! She seemed to hit milestones way before children her age; she was rolling over, crawling, walking, so so fast and some days I’m at my wits end with how exhausting it is looking after a baby with housework, trying to maintain a social life, looking after my own mental health etc … (which has been extremely poor in recent months.) I feel quite isolated as it is and we’ve decided (for reasons) to not announce the pregnancy until around 12/13 weeks so I don’t have anyone aside from my DH IRL to talk to.

I guess I’m hoping someone has gone through something similar and come out the other end? We are so blessed (hate that phrase normally) to have fallen pregnant with a second baby with relative ease, so why am I absolutely ridden with guilt and fear? :(

I know exactly how you feel, when I got pregnant at the end of last year I felt so guilty like as if im rushing my DS to grow up now that a "new" baby is on the way. I felt this quite strongly at first but as time as gone on (im 30 weeks now) I have rationalised my worries and calmed down and now im more excited at how close he is going to be with his sibling, so please try to remember this is likely just the initial surge of pregnancy hormones making you feel all kinds of anxiety x

These feelings are normal, even for very much planned pregnancies! Finding ourt you're pregnant (regardless of how much you want to be or not) is a bloody big shock to the system. Add in a shitload of pregnancy hormones and you have a jumbled head of panic and general anxiety. Totally, TOTALLY normal!

I have a little girl. She is only two but due to extreme prematurity she has severe development delay. She is still a baby, really. I'm currently 7 months pregnant and expecting a little boy. At times I wonder if I will love this new baby as much as I love my daughter. I wonder how I will split my time between them to make sure both of them have all the love and attention they both need. I worry that my daughter may be slightly pushed aside when her brother comes along. But you know what? I know I will love them both because love doesn't split in half when you have another child. It just grows and multiplies. I don't know how a new baby will fit into our lovely little routine until he is here, but MILLIONS of people have second (and subsequent) children and they manage just fine. Our routines will adjust. It will be difficult at times and I'd be kidding myself and you if I said everything will be plain sailing all the time, but it will just WORK because I/you will make it so.

You will be fine, and our daughters will grow up with their very own live-in playmates!

I promise you it will all work out. Congratulations!

You will be fine! I think it will be intense to begin with having such a small age gap but it will have advantages (after the first year or so, age appropriate activities will be similar for both of them).

There is no limit on the love you can feel. You can love DC2 as much as DC1 with no diminishment. I know it's hard to imagine before DC2 arrives.

There is a limit on your time and it may be hard for DD1 initially. You will need to still carve out mummy time with her, get DH to help or use baby's nap time.

However you are giving her a sibling which may be a wonderful thing for her. I know it doesn't work for everyone to have a sibling but for DS1, not being the only child in our family has been transformative. He has a companion and playmate.