Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Maternity leave

53 replies

Tnib · 05/06/2022 19:09

Hello, I’m pregnant for the first time and I’m 20 weeks. I was talking to a couple of friends on a WhatsApp group call and they were saying you don’t have any time on maternity leave and one said (jokingly) she thought she’d write a book. They both said you just don’t have time to do all the things you think you could on maternity leave. Just wondering how others found their maternity leave? Did any of you make any life changes personally or professionally during maternity leave? I thought being on maternity leave might give me time to think about what I’d do in the future as I’ve been thinking about a change in my career and inevitably my life will change after the baby.

Thanks

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
waitingpatientlyforspring · 05/06/2022 20:11

While pregnant with first I started a cross stitch pattern that I had finished ready for birth details. With second she was about 4 years old before I finished her cross stitch pattern 😂

restedbutexhausted · 05/06/2022 20:13

I'm 8 months into maternity leave. Since being pregnant life has been very upside down for me so I didn't have any big plans.

To be honest I don't even think I could fulfill them as I always feel so tired between baby, errands, housework, cooking. I want to go to more baby groups but money is tight and I'm quite shy/I struggle to get talking to people so I'm nervous to go. I do go to rhymetime at my local library though.

I have what you would probably call a "good baby" but I still struggle as I can't focus/feel overwhelmed if my house is a mess and life has got on top of me. If I have a "day off" from doing chores and things I just end up struggling the next day trying to get everything done.

That being said, I absolutely love spending time with my DD. She is my whole world and I am loving all this time I get before I inevitably have to go back to the world of work.

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 05/06/2022 20:15

I'm 11 months into mat leave and I've found it a fantastic "time out" from the treadmill of life. I was so burnt out before I had my son. I had had two pregnancy losses before him, I had recently qualified in my career, having taken loads and loads of exams, and I didn't have any time to think about what I wanted in life long term. It was all just "get married, get house, get qualified, have baby". It's been lovely to have the time to consider what I want out of my whole life (career, family, free time etc). I can have a think about all that whilst I'm playing with my son, or he is busy sucking on toys..!

It did however take me 6 months to paint a chimney breast in the spare room. Those tangible tasks are harder and there's not much time for them!

pinkspottyladybird · 05/06/2022 20:21

I had big plans on maternity leave to career change and do part time study to complete a degree. I completely underestimated how much time a baby would take up and honestly by the end of most days I was exhausted (still am almost 3 years later), I think it's doable if you have the support etc but I'd recommend lowering your expectations on how much you'll actually get done.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 05/06/2022 20:40

I'm 5 months in with #2. If I get a daily shower, breakfast, lunch, naps and keep up with laundry then I'm doing well. My oldest is in nursery 3 days a week too so I get most stuff done then!

InTheNightWeWillWish · 05/06/2022 20:42

I’m currently on maternity leave. In the first 3 months DD would only nap on me. She would actually sleep in the bedside crib from about 2am until about 8am but wake for a feed, so she wasn’t a terrible sleeper but I was still sleep deprived. I managed to get a lot of crochet done because I could do it over her back while she napped on me but only easy projects that didn’t require too much concentration. I think the motion of my arms moving was a gentle rocking motion and I was basically cuddling her constantly. Plus whatever I was crocheting would be snug and warm across her back. I did absolutely no housework.

At about 3 months she started having naps in her cot but only short naps. I didn’t get anything done and I would crochet in the evening because she started going down a lot earlier. At 6 months she’s doing slightly longer naps in her cot but that time is now prepping food, cleaning up breakfast/lunch, doing laundry and baby proofing. I still only crochet in the evening but there is always more productive stuff I could be doing (I’m never on top of the housework).

I have made some changes on maternity leave as I applied to and got a new job. I started job hunting during any short 5 minutes I could grab but mostly when DH was home. Less housework got done because I was looking for jobs. I had to open a job advert that looked interesting but read it later, sometimes later that evening or sometimes a few days later. Sometimes I also had to re-read the advert again a day or two later because it just hadn’t sunk in the first time. It took longer than pre-baby to pull an application together because I was just so tired and my brain was just so full of baby admin (when is the next sleep, when is the next feed, how much tummy time have they done). However, I think I put together an altogether better application because I was quite certain about what I wanted. So I knew I wanted to weed out organisations that wouldn’t want to wait until I finished my maternity leave and I included that in my covering letter. I didn’t overthink my application but did make sure someone sense checked the application and I hadn’t put the wrong word incorrectly (like when I said to the midwife about my disposable stitches instead dissolvable stitches).

It is possible to make a professional change during maternity leave but it’s not easy, not just because of how tired you might be and the baby admin. My old work have offered to negotiate to keep me. There is obviously a reason that I have looked for a job on maternity leave and I have to keep reminding myself of those reasons because returning from maternity leave to a new job is quite daunting. I want to make a good impression in a new job but I don’t know how DD will be sleeping, how many bugs she is going to pick up from nursery, how well she’s going to cope at nursery and how well I’ll cope with her being at nursery - even though I’ve already accepted that I can’t stay home with her, I’m not cut out to be a SAHM. Plus the mum guilt. It’s so tempting to negotiate for a better salary and stay in my job because it’s easy, I know what I’m doing and I don’t have to prove myself. Even with that job, I think there’s a question of if I’ve missed too much in the 9 months that I’ll have been gone. It’s a huge shift. Your brain has been used mostly for nursery rhymes and baby books, feeding and Netflix, it’s hard to comprehend that it’ll just switch back on and be firing on all cylinders as before. I’ve done some KIT days and my knowledge of projects was excellent but I just don’t know how much stuff has moved on. With a couple of months before going back to work I’m now trying to actively look at LinkedIn every other day and read up. I feel like I need fo try and catch some webinars too but I just don’t have the energy.

rainbowzebra05 · 05/06/2022 20:42

I started a degree the first time, a business the second time. Planning on retraining this time round. That said, I found it best to plan things that could be done while sat under a feeding or sleeping baby, it was the only way to get anything done.

Everyone manages differently though. I find the baby stage fairly boring and find it gets more difficult the older they get! My kids don't get better at sleep though

Notadogowner · 05/06/2022 20:47

girlmom21 · 05/06/2022 20:07

Some days you'll be grateful if you managed to brush your teeth. Some days you'll tidy the whole house and give the kitchen and bathroom a full deep clean.

Most the time you'll be sat watching This Morning and promise yourself you'll take baby for a walk once it's finished, then a Loose Women topic will catch your eye. Then before you know it you'll have watched Lingo, Tipping Point and The Chase and be asking your husband what's for tea.

Omg yes!!!

So so glad I wasn’t the only one!

sunshine271 · 05/06/2022 20:50

I hate to be that mum to scare pregnant people but honestly it's unlikely you'll have the time or energy..

When they have more consistent/longer naps (in my case around 9 months onwards) you will have a few hours spare in the day but normally this time you will use to eat a decent meal, catch up on chores and have a moments peace

If you get into a good routine from about 5/6 months you might be able to get them into bed from about 7pm but they likely won't stay asleep too long before needing you but if you try and get a lot of your jobs round the house done during the day you could use this time for the things you have stated in your OP.. if you have the energy

I would personally be kind to yourself and don't set too many expectations for the first few months of babies life.. At most I'd find some series you'd like to watch for the first few weeks to keep you entertained through the day.. and also potentially through the night

But I don't want to say all of that without saying honestly it's all so worth it. Being a mum is the best thing ever

User0ne · 05/06/2022 20:51

I've always been "productive" including when on maternity leave but then I hate to sit around so would put DC in a sling and crack on.

I have 3 lovely ds, youngest is 14m and I was doing a part time masters to give my brain something to do during my maternity leave with him.

There's nothing wrong with doing "nothing" (caring for a baby is actually quite time consuming) though.

Dogsandbabies · 05/06/2022 21:08

I think it depends on what it is and your baby's temperament.

I managed to lose 3 stone and get fit! But I wanted to look for a new job and got very little done in that front.

Tnib · 05/06/2022 21:51

Thanks so much for all the replies. They’re really helpful. I’m definitely going to use the time to think if nothing else. It’s great hearing about all your experiences.

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 05/06/2022 21:54

I managed to watch Gotham on Netflix between the hours of 2am and 6am when my baby wouldn't sleep. I think that's as productive as I got.

CoalCraft · 06/06/2022 09:44

Funnily enough I was also going to write s book. That plan had to go out the window!

Looking after a baby felt like a full-time job for me. I never felt like I was drowning but I certainly had to kick hard to keep my head above water just with baby care and sleep, and my DH was very involved.

RidingMyBike · 06/06/2022 11:16

The first few months are absolutely horrific and you barely get time to do basic things like eat. Mine slept through early and was combi-fed so I ended up with about an hour in bed in the morning reading a book whilst she did an interminable breastfeed. Early on they tend to cat nap and it's really inconsistent so you have no idea when there will be any time or for how long. Mine also went through a phase of napping on me which meant I couldn't really do anything then either!

You end up with days when it's hard to articulate what you've done, but the whole day has passed and you haven't done anything nice or enjoyable, just changed nappies, pushed a pram for hours, been screamed at and sat at a baby group.

I did have severe PND and hated being on maternity leave though Wink

RidingMyBike · 06/06/2022 11:30

What was useful was the time to think whilst walking miles pushing the pram. I'd been rather stuck in a rut at work and had been looking forward to having a 'break' Hmm on maternity leave. What I realised once I was on it was that I desperately missed being at work and couldn't wait to go back. I did stick it out for a year on maternity (which was probably a mistake because of my PND) but it did help me get my ideas in order and to look at where I wanted to go professionally.

By the time DD was 5yo, I'd got two more professional qualifications, relocated my family for a full time more senior job and DH had given up work to be a SAHD!

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 06/06/2022 11:54

waitingpatientlyforspring · 05/06/2022 20:11

While pregnant with first I started a cross stitch pattern that I had finished ready for birth details. With second she was about 4 years old before I finished her cross stitch pattern 😂

SAME! I started DD1's birth sampler before she was born and finally finished it in April, when she was three and I was 36 weeks pregnant with DD2 Grin

RedWingBoots · 06/06/2022 11:56

😂

Expect to do nothing but care for your baby, and if you manage something you are a winner.

More seriously I've heard that sort of thing from fathers including my DP who plan then do shared parental leave. As they normally get to care for their baby when they are more alert, mobile including walking, and possibly talking, they are lucky to do anything.

itssquidstella · 06/06/2022 12:30

I know someone who wrote a novel (subsequently published) during her first maternity leave.

DS is two weeks old and I’ve managed to finish one book and read one magazine since he was born, so I’m not convinced I'll be following in her footsteps!

Mind you, I have managed to shower, get dressed and leave the house at least once a day every day since we got home, so I don't think I’m doing too badly!

AutumnOcean · 06/06/2022 12:36

My baby wants to be held almost all day and I have a toddler too 😆 it's a good day when the dishes are done. When my husband gets home I pass the baby to him and check work emails and work on my degree for as long as I can keep my eyes open. I've had to drop to one unit each semester (but I'm almost done). So yes, you can do things, but it's hard. I wish someone had warned me how hard it could be.

GiltEdges · 06/06/2022 12:50

I personally found I had lots of free (sitting) time when DS was asleep on me to:

  • Read
  • Study for a few short courses
  • Get properly on top of household admin
  • Meal/recipe plan
Etc, etc.

I ultimately applied for an internal move within the same company and interviewed for the role whilst off on mat leave. I was successful and it's completely changed my career trajectory since.

However, I was also the type of new mum that was determined to shower/do my make up first thing every day and happily put baby down somewhere safe to eat and use the toilet, which some would have you believe is completely impossible with a newborn.

FirstTimeMama848484 · 06/06/2022 18:16

My baby is 10 weeks and I’m lucky in that he sleeps very well. He’ll sleep on the sofa/ bouncer/ Moses basket/ anywhere. I do all the night stuff. I’m up 45 mins x 2 per night. Husband wfh so I get back to sleep from 7-9.30am ish. No family nearby so we don’t have any extra support. Combi-fed baby, no routine, do whatever works at the time aiming for no stress. Have a cleaner every other week and do online tesco deliveries.

One of my main goals was to get back to running (Scottish hills). I had a mat request section to assist with this as I thought section recovery would be better than a birth injury/ pelvic floor issue.

Managed a very slow 5km at 4 weeks pp, longest run was a hilly 14km last week. Low level hills but hopefully will be back to the proper mountains again soon!

I have just interviewed for a job in Australia which if I get will require going back to work a bit earlier than planned before emigrating then starting the new job in Australia. My husband has never been to Australia so I’ll do the majority of the organising.

I think I’m lucky in that my baby sleeps quite well but also I just do whatever seems to work and keep stress to a minimum!

BabyOnBoard90 · 06/06/2022 19:43

No sense asking a bunch of lazy people how to be productive.

Try your best and see what you can do when baby arrives - don't limit your potential to the posters on this thread or the people in your life.

restedbutexhausted · 06/06/2022 19:47

BabyOnBoard90 · 06/06/2022 19:43

No sense asking a bunch of lazy people how to be productive.

Try your best and see what you can do when baby arrives - don't limit your potential to the posters on this thread or the people in your life.

Charming Hmm

DarlingDarwin · 06/06/2022 20:05

FallopianTubeTrain · 05/06/2022 19:33

I started to learn to crochet and bought a toy giraffe kit to make. DS is 4 in a couple of weeks and I'm pleased to say I've easily got as far as opening the box and watching a YouTube video. Should be finished by the time he graduates university.

😂😂😂😂😂