Hate my stretch marks 30 weeks pregnant

[MJW1999]

Hello idk how else to word this and I feel so silly but wanted advice. I’m 30 weeks pregnant today (with a very much wanted and tried for baby) but I can’t get past how much my body has changed I am really struggling with it. 😭I feel I almost focused so hard on having a pregnancy stick after so many losses that I didn’t think of how much my body would change.

I’ve always been tiny I’m 5,4 and was 6stone 4 the week I found out I was pregnant I am now 9stone. I used to have a six pack and was really toned without a single stretch mark and now I’m really big. I’ve got these stretch marks all over my bum and I really feel disgusting 🤮 Is there anything I can do to remove these? I literally hate them I cry every time I see them or if I feel them. It’s actually making me feel really down. I feel I’ve lost myself this pregnancy I don’t look like me anymore. 😪

I don’t know how my SO will ever find me attractive again. He likes skinny girls and I’ve noticed he’s looking up really skinny models on Instagram which let’s face it are only for one reason, our sex life had literally become a once a week thing where as before it was at least 5 times a week and I know it’s because he doesn’t fancy me anymore (he doesn’t seem interested even when we are having sex it’s like he’s having to focus on finishing and doesn’t actually want to do it)

Is there anything I can do to get my confidence back? I just feel rubbish

Is there anything I can do to remove these stretch marks or potentially reduce the chance of any more coming?

any underwear suggestions that can hide stretch marks that are on the inside of your bum (not hips) that don’t look like granny knickers

thank you 😊

Hi OP,
I really feel for you. I think you have three problems of varying magnitude.

1. You can't remove stretch marks. You can reduce their appearance a little, lots of advice online.
2. The changes our bodies go through during and after pregnancy can be quite astounding. If you're not expecting it, or thought it wouldn't happen to you, it can be difficult to accept. If you really enjoyed and identified with your pre-pregnancy physicality, these changes signify a new kind of loss; the loss of well-being, security and even status that comes with having a healthy body that conforms to conventional beauty standards. It can be hard to let go of these. I would recommend that you spend some time with a close friend or female family member browsing women's post-partum bodies, perhaps swatting up on what exactly you can expect, or what might happen to some women, in terms of surgical interventions, third trimester health issues, birth injuries and recovery times, and really giving these realities time to sink in. They may not happen to you, but knowing it might could give you time to open your thinking a little.
3. I think you have a boyfriend problem. He is going to need to become a man, and step up now. His only fancying 'really skinny girls' is a flaw when your lovely girlfriend is 30 weeks pregnant, and being insensitive enough to inadvertently share this with you isn't a good look for a proper man. At this point, he should be a strong warm ocean for you to lean into, beaming appreciation and gratitude your way 24/7, and kissing the ground you walk upon, not looking like he needs to concentrate on enjoying himself while making love to you, the m o t h e r of his baby. He needs to get savvy to what the 3rd trimester, birth and beyond will realistically be like for you (and unreservedly support you) and by extension, for himself, and just get with the programme. Sorry, OP, I get so tired of insensitive DPs...

You can use body oil to supposedly prevent or reduce appearance of stretch marks, but I believe it's mostly genetic. As PP said above, check online for products/methods. Your toned skin obviously had to stretch a lot, and quickly (compared with my previously slightly flabby tummy, I'm 31 weeks and the skin still doesn't feel that tight 😂 )

I sometimes look in the mirror and despair at how big my belly is and how nothing fits me anymore.....then I think, wow, you are growing a tiny human inside!!! How utterly amazing is that! And although I've pretty much stopped all exercise now apart from walking, after the birth I can get back into fitness. In time.

Regarding your boyfriend, have you actually talked to him, your life partner and father of your child, about your insecurities about yourself and your relationship? Might be a good idea!

Mustela stretch marks cream and rosehip seed oil. Rub the rosehip seed oil in and top off with Mustela cream twice a day. Zero stretch marks and I gained 50 lbs during my first pregnancy.

Your partner sounds like a bit of an arsehole, to be honest. Focus on you and your much wanted baby.

You are doing the most amazing thing in the world! I hated my stretch marks. They literally appeared the last week of pregnancy and I thought I’d got away with it! But I’m ok with them now. I look at my amazing son and feel proud that I grew him in my body.

I have a new partner now and he really loves my body, stretch marks and wobbly bits included!

it is really tough but it’s all temporary. Some women do just snap back to their pre pregnancy body and some don’t. Both are completely fine.

Having a baby changed your life and your perspective of the world. If you boyfriend can’t see how spectacularly amazing you are then he doesn’t deserve you

Hi,

I’m sorry you are struggling with this, pregnancy is such an emotionally turbulent time. I put on just under 3 stone during pregnancy, and I thought I only had a few stretch marks on my hips and thighs. As soon as baby was out my tummy had stretch marks all over too - you just couldn’t see them when I was actually being stretched!

I agree with previous poster that looking up post partum bodies is a good idea. Also, maybe readjusting your view of your body might help? It’s not about how it looks but what it can do, you’ve grown and carried your baby all this time, you will birth your baby, you might decide to breastfeed your baby, you’ll be able to get by on minimal sleep, comfort your baby with cuddles, all because of your awesome body.

Your partner should be realising this too - you should be a goddess in his eyes, perhaps talk to him about the struggle you are having with how your body is changing. His job here is to support the mother of his child in anyway she needs.

My baby will turn 9 months this week, I’m a stone heavier than pre-pregnancy, my boobs are 4 cup sizes bigger than before, my weight distribution has changed, and I still have stretch marks. Your body will likely never ‘bounce back’ because there is no ‘back’ every aspect of your life will have changed and you are discovering your new self as a mother. Being a mum is hard graft but the changes to your life really are for the better. Although my body has changed, I’ve barely had time to look in the mirror, let alone devote head space to worrying about it - you might feel very different once your baby has arrived.

Sorry - this turned in to such a long post!

You can't get rid of stretchmarks, you will have them for life now, they change in appearance but nothing you put on them will make them dissappear, they are scars. As time goes on you will learn to live with them and possibly even love them, it just takes time. The sex thing- well get used to that, sex lives are rarely the same post children, surely you both knew this was inevitable

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Unfortunately I can’t tell you that the stretch marks, and some other changes, will go away. I used to be miserable about mine right across my stomach until my little girl asked what they were and I said they were from making her, we now call them my tiger stripes and I feel incredibly proud to have them ❤️

As for your OH he sounds like an absolute knob and you deserve better. You’re body is literally doing what it was designed to do and he should love and respect you for that. You might never be exactly as you were before but that shouldn’t matter, he should worship the ground you walk on for bringing his child into the World.

Well, he's your issue. You should be able to learn to love your body in its new phase and that'll be hard if he's taking that attitude. But some guys are not into it when their partner is pregnant, it might be more that.

Your body is supposed to gain fat during your pregnancy, it's working as it should. All this seems so all consuming now but it is such a short time really. Sounds like you know how to exercise etc so you can get rid of the weight before too long - but don't put too much pressure on yourself, it's not the most important thing. Hopefully you will not end up with birth injuries or other big impacts on your body and so a bit of weight to lose and some stretch marks are surely not so bad.

(Although I'm 5 4 too and 9 stone is my happy weight (that I'm trying to get back to!) so we may be coming at this from different places lol.)

I've had stretch marks on thighs since I was a teenager and have honestly really liked them, once they turn silvery. They don't go but they do fade so much. I have more now on stomach from first PG and now pregnant again.. I just don't think they're ugly. On me or others. To me they're like a geological record or tree rings - a sign of the amazing things that have happened in my life. I bet yours aren't ugly. I bet you look fantastic pregnant and the sad thing is that you can't see it.

Your perspective may change. This stuff seems less important to me than it used to. I know that thought can be scary too (losing track of your old self/ of looking good) but you will still look good, even before you get back to normal. The thought of people seeing stretch marks on me at the beach or whatever used to upset me but now I'd never hide them, and if people think badly of them/me I feel fucking sorry for them tbh, and I really don't care. This is what bodies do, change, grow, and sometimes gestate, which is a massive process and of course it leaves a mark. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Try to enjoy the fertility and richness of your current body and remember nothing about how it looks now is a mistake, it's nature taking care of and growing your baby, and it is temporary.

You're not disgusting. & I think your partner needs to have a word with himself tbh.

Palmers Coco Butter -slather it on

If you were 6st 4 your BMI was 15. Frankly I’m astonished you were able to get pregnant at that weight.

I don’t want to belittle your distress as the changes are hard to cope with, but I worry you may be in denial about your health before becoming pregnant and your relationship to food and exercise.

Your boyfriend sounds toxic.

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling like this.
It sounds like your partner is being awful and really insensitive.

Your body is going through so much change growing a baby!
You're growing a human being and should be appreciated for doing that, not criticised or made to feel bad about the changes happening to your body.

He's being really inconsiderate and disrespectful treating you that way.

I don't know if creams etc work for preventing stretch marks. I've read a few things online.
If it helps at all - even for comfort and to prevent itching if nothing else - I use a cream in the morning and an oil at night while the bump is growing. (On chest, boobs, tummy, legs & thighs).

I use different ones.
For creams I use Mama Mío or Burts Bees Mama. And the palmers ones.

Oils I use Bio Oil or Mama Mío. Or the Burts Bees Mama.

Please do take care of yourself and stop giving yourself a hard time. X

There’s nothing you can do unfortunately. You may find it’s the least of your worries after giving birth. Loose skin and birth injuries are much more problematic, I wish I only had stretch marks.

This - I think your issues are far more deep rooted than stretch marks op. Frankly you need that extra weight for your baby. Have you always had issues around weight and food? I'm not meaning to pile on, but a bmi of 15 is really very low.
Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole.
Stretch marks will be here to stay, but he doesn't have to be!

Thank you for your response honestly I appreciate it. I am having an elective c section as I have many health conditions which make a natural birth extremely dangerous for me and for the baby so a C section is the safest for us both which I’m not bothered about as it’ll keep my baby safe but it is another worry in the same breath. It’s been on my plan from the start so I’m also going to have a c section scar and probably the over hang you get too which is something I’ll also have to deal with but strangely I’m not so worried about that but idk if that’s because I’ve had three years to process that I’d have too have one. Regarding my DP you’re totally right I feel if he embraced my changes more and was supportive I’d feel so much more positive. Everyone who sees me tells me I look amazing pregnant with the extra weight and I’ve been told I’ve got a lovely bump but obviously the only person who’s seen the stretch marks are him and I feel awful with them but I hope in time I grow to love them. Thank you for taking the time to comment I do appreciate it 😊

@EveSix

I’ve tried to talk to him and he just says that he loves me and is so grateful I’m giving him the best gift anyone could by sacrificing my body to have our baby. He said it’s scary for him to see his girlfriend change and her body change so much I can’t help but be annoyed about it tho it’s like I get it’s scary it’s scary for me too but I still want to feel attractive. I’ve had more compliments about my body from people I work with than my actual partner. I feel I want him to actually say he fancies me or give me a kiss randomly or tell me I look good like he used to before (literally would call me beautiful all the time and constantly compliment me for looking good and doesn’t now) Idk maybe I’m just being hormonal but I feel like I want to be treated like I’m actually pretty and not just a baby carrying machine.

Thank you for the recommendations I’m going to buy some and try it out 😊 I’ve been using palmers stretch mark cream but it hasn’t seemed to done the job and also bio oil

Our bodies find their own way in pregnancy. With such a low BMI of 15 you were severely underweight to start with so your body is just catching up. It's trying to get to a weight when it can sustain the baby during and after pregnancy.
Stretch marks fade in time, try not to worry. Your partner is the problem not you. Talk with him & tell him you need support! He sounds very unkind.

I’m planning on expressing my milk and using a bottle for her feeds as she’s not growing well (I think this is also why I’m struggling as I’ve gained a lot of weight but she doesn’t seem to have gotten any of it and I feel I’m letting her down where I literally don’t stop eating and can’t physically eat more as I am full) I think I need to focus on the positives. I’m pregnant with my rainbow baby who’s a little fighter and hopefully in time I’ll embrace my body and post birth body. Thank you for your response honestly it really does help getting support from everyone 💖

Thank you so much ☺️ I am going to view it as a positive. I’ve given myself such a hard time over the changes to my body and this pregnancy has been really hard and I’ve had to do a lot of sippositories and injections I’ve almost forgot to focus on how amazing my body actually is. It’s managed to grow my beautiful baby girl and I’m going to focus on that because it is actually amazing that with all my fertility issues I was able to have and carry her for this long. Thank you 💐

Thank you I’ll try Burt’s bees too 😘😘

I'd also agree with those saying your boyfriend is the issue here. He shouldn't be treating you as anything less than wonderful for growing his baby, and I mean actions not just words.

If it's any consolation, my abs came back within a couple of years of both babies but it did feel like a long slog back to properly feeling like me. And that's with a partner that talked me up when I lacked confidence.