Losing my mind

[MissM94]

I know it's in the wrong topic but I needed a bigger outreach than "sleep" would get.
My baby won't be put down at night and it's driving me mad. He's 2 weeks 2 days, partner goes back to work next week and I'm shitting a brick. Baby will sleep on us, in his chair and in Moses basket in the day, yet come night time when we're all going into the bedroom he's wide awake the minute he gets put down in Moses basket, DP is currently doing the first stretch, baby doesn't doesn't go down until 3am, he just will not be put in his Moses basket, then he'll have a feed then go down at 3am I presume when he's exhausted then I do the night feed and get up with him. There's no way that can be done when DP goes back to work & I physically can't keep my eyes open come 11/12 never mind 3am! Sometimes I put him down & he'll just grunt and wriggle and eventually wake himself up and that obviously means he has wind but I can't for the life of me get any wind out of him. I don't think the bed is too cold for him, we've got a white noise machine it's a load of shit, doesn't help him in the slightest, tried giving him my shirt last night & that did nothing, midwife comes on Wednesday to discharge us so will be speaking to her about it but I'm not holding out much luck. Trust me to get the baby that doesn't sleep when all I see is my friends bragging about how good of a sleeper their baby is 😩

Do you have any other kids? If not, are you sleeping whenever the baby is during the day? It's not unusual for newborns to have their days and nights mixed up at first. I looked on those early weeks as being sort of timeless, so lots of daytime sleeping, etc. If you've only got one then you can do that a lot easier.

@Hugasauras nope, no other kids.. I had an hour nap yesterday tbf but I'm normally bad for daytime napping, there's always something else I could be doing.. DP is forever trying to get me to nap, so do you think he's just "awake" 12-3 then?

Yeah you need to be sleeping much more than that in the day if you aren't at night! That might just be his pattern for now. It will change but the early weeks are about maximising sleep however you can, so sleep whenever you can during day, don't worry about what other stuff needs done, and then get your partner to take the evening shift while you go to bed early, say 8-midnight or something, so you get a chunk of sleep in.

It doesn't last forever, even though it might feel like it just now!

@Hugasauras yeah so DP does till 3am then baby wakes around 5 for a feed so I slept 12-5 then DP sleeps from 3 till around now when babies woke for next week so we're both having a block of 5/6 hours but when he's back to work he can't be staying up till 3 then up at 7 for work 😩 don't know how to work that tbh

@Hugasauras woke for next feed*

Hi OP, my baby wasn't a terrible sleeper but she was such a very noisy one (constantly grunting and snuffling) that I never got any sleep with her in the room either. That meant "sleep when baby sleeps" never worked for me. I too absolutely dreaded my DH going back to work, but in the end we found a way to make it work.

Essentially, he'd keep DD downstairs from 7pm till midnight and I'd sleep solidly in that time, so about five hours. Then he'd come to bed and sleep solidly till his alarm at 6:30 while I slept lightly/did feeds. On weekends he'd stay asleep till 9-10 am, then take over till about 2 pm so I could get another four hours of daytime sleep. My blessed mother would also come on a Friday and look after DD so I could get three hours sleep or so. Two weekdays a week I would stay up later, till about 10 pm, so DH could do his hobby, otherwise I was in bed and snoring by 7 every night!

But it didn't last long in the grand scheme of things. By four months DD was sleeping for quite long stretches and wasn't quite so loud. At five months we moved her into her own room and that was bliss!

We are now expecting DD2 and I'm hoping we can once again find something that works despite the presence of toddler DD1. She's in nursery four days a week and DH doesn't work for the fifth, so at the very least their shouldn't be long stretches where just one of us is looking after both kids alone. The difference this time is I'm hoping breastfeeding directly works out (pumped exclusively last time), but what that'll mean for my long quiet naps I dread to think...

'This too shall pass'

In the early days I found constantly reminding myself that everything is a phase helpful. Your baby is still only tiny and just trying to establish her own routine. I know it's hard, been there myself, but I promise it won't last forever.

Grab any opportunity to sleep that you can (ignore dirty dishes/laundry) and accept any offers of help.

DD1 slept on my chest for the first 3 months 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ahh those first weeks can be so hard OP, but as PPs have said it really is temporary. Just try and get your sleep/rest in as much as possible even if that’s during daytime hours.

Babies don’t understand night/day at first so can be completely mixed up. Try and keep things light and bright in the day with baby in some natural daylight then as evening time comes dim the lights, keep things calm and quiet to try and encourage their circadian rhythm. What does baby sleep in in your room? Have you tried swaddling, or even co-sleeping (but not co-sleeping while swaddled). My DS wouldn’t sleep in his next to me crib for weeks, only next to me in our bed.

Sometimes none of this works and you’ve just got to ride it out. Longer stretches of sleep overnight will come eventually.

@CoalCraft ahh yeah! It seems like that's the only way to do it, by one of us going to bed earlier but the days go by that quick it's 8oclock before you realise 😂 I honestly didn't think it would be this hard! He's only just started doing this the past few nights, he was fine before then it's just frustrating but then it's the next day before you know it and he's an absolute dream wide awake and so alert and the mum guilt hits me like a sack of shit 😩 fingers crossed this next time goes well for you and she's not as loud as her sister! Haha

@ikeephavingmaddreams thank you 🥹 I know, I keep telling myself it's not forever and I'll miss the cuddles he wants now when he's bigger and won't come anywhere near me haha but the lack of sleep is hard & so much harder than I imagined motherhood ever being, and it's all I've ever wanted but it's just so difficult

@grey12 haha oh I couldn't cope! He will sleep everywhere else other than us but it's just at that time the minute you put him in his bed he's wide awake, little sleep thief he is

@Moonshine160 they are so hard aren't they! Harder than I imagined, he sleeps in his Moses basket in his next to me crib as we realised on night 2 that he doesn't like the big next to me crib, Moses basket was his front room bedroom anyway so just take that to bed every night, luckily he sleeps fine in it any other time than 12am 😂 haven't tried swaddling, I don't think he will like it, he always has to have his arms free, is very touchy and likes to touch the side of his Moses basket then sleep with his hands either side of his head so I just think he would find it uncomfortable but I might give it a try tonight and see if it sends him to sleep at a reasonable hour haha

It's so hard in the early weeks, I really feel for you. At about the one week mark was when my baby (who is now 2 years old) stopped sleeping in his crib and only wanted to be held day and night. The solution that worked for us at that point was to cosleep for a few weeks until he was about 8 weeks old and started to sleep in his crib again. I always said I would never cosleep but it turned out to be right for us for this short period. There is some great advice on how to safely cosleep on the lullaby trust website.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Ps my little one turned into (and still is) the best sleeper ever after a few months, the early days are hard but they will pass and you will get through this x

Have you read about babies body clock? They don't one so you need to try and set it. I tried as much as possible in the day to have naps in the light, in the window etc.

How are you feeding - both mine of formula fed. First baby slept terribly and I used to set alarms to feed him every three hours through the night. Second baby only fed on demand and worked on upping feeds during the day.

Lastly - again with night feeds - I only changed the nappy if full or maybe at the midnight feed to try and minimise how awake the baby gets

@NetflixAndSauvignonBlanc that's so good that you was able to get them out at 8 weeks old, normally once they're in you can't get them out 😂 ahh thank you, you're making me hopeful it's not forever haha x

@welshladywhois40 he is formula fed yeah! Yeah so he's in the light all day everyday, the curtains don't get closed until about 9pm then the lamp comes on, he's taking 4oz every 3 hours so does fill himself during the day.. ah yeah I do a nappy change every feed so could probably work on that!

Hi, my baby is spent the first week plus in hospital due to jaundice and was either wrapped in lights or in an incubator. He was exactly as you described when we got home, happy to sleep during the day but at night he would get so distressed the instant he was put down. I know there are varied opinions on swaddling but I read the advice from the Lullaby Trust and feel that we are doing this safely - it's made a big difference to him. He's 2 months now (although was 4 weeks premature so in most respects is developmentally like his corrected age) and he will sleep for 2-3 hours at a time in his own bed while swaddled then wakes to feed and will go down again. We also work it that my husband stays up later with him so I get some sleep then I get up with him throughout the night. All the best.