No this isn't a joke or figure of speech, no matter how much I'd want it to be. I'm a man but I was born with what you can call intersex condition. Basically despite looking predominantly male and living as a man my whole life, I have both male and female reproductive organs and my kariotype is messed up. I never even thought this could happen, I've been told by many specialists that I can't have children of my own. That's why it came off as such a shock and I still haven't fully processed this. I haven't decided yet whether I want to continue this pregnancy or not. I'm married and both my husband and I wanted to have kids in the future, just not like this. I don't feel like this is right and it's not how it's supposed to be. Everyone I know would find out about what's wrong with me and the baby could be born with what I have, or maybe not be born at all. There's just too much risk than it's worth it. But then, the idea of having a baby that's both mine and my husband's when we've always thought it was impossible is what makes me hesitate. I'm not asking anyone to decide for me, I'm just simply venting cause I feel like I'm about to go insane here.