YES ITS A BOY IM GLAD

[babycarrier]

NOT SURE IF THIS IS RIGHT BOARD TO DO THIS BUT BEFORE I WENT FOR MY 20WK SCAN MY PARTNER SAID HE DIDNT WANT A BOY AS WE ALREADY HAVE 3 GIRLS THAT HE WAS USED TO HAVING GIRLS SO DONT WANT A BOY ,WELL AT MY SCAN I FOUND OUT THAT WE ARE HAVING A BOY AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO .I TRIED LEAVING HIM IN AUGUST BUT COUNCIL WOULDNT PUT ME AND 5 KIDS ANYWHERE AND SAID WE HAD STAY LIVING AT HOME WITH HIM FOR 28 DAYS HE THEN GOT A LETTER SAYING THEY ADDED 2WKS ON IT AND HE HAD TO SIGN AND AGREE WHICH HE DIDNT BOTHER NOW IM 5MTHS PREGNANT AND GLAD AND HAPPY ITS A BOY BUT HE ISNT WHAT CAN I DO. DO I LEAVE HIM GO COUNCIL SAY HE DONT WANT HIS CHILD COS ITS A BOY LET THEM HAVE A LAUGH OR JUST DO A RUNNER WITH KIDS WITH NOWHERE TO GO.

Whay=t is your problem...that you are having a Boy or that your partner is an arsehole or that the council doesn't help you....sorry, I am a bit lost with your post....
fwiw...I have 3 boys and love it, but if I had a girl at any point I would have been thrilled, too...if you knew your OH was agaisnt a boy, why did you ask for the sex?

Is the only reason you want to leave him because he doesnt want a boy or is there more to it?

If it is the only reason then I think you need to give it a chance, atm its only an idea to him IYSWIM. You say he is used to girls which is why he wants another, suggests to me perhaps he is scared of the unknown. His feelings could change completely once the baby is born and becomes a reality to him.

If you search the archives I have seen several threads with women who have found out the sex of the baby and not wanted that sex, I dont think its that uncommon.

So, if you have 5 kids for the council to find room for with you, and you have 3 girls - surely that means you have 3 girls and 2.....?

im abit lost too! u say council wont put you anywhere with 5 kids, yet say you have 3 girls and are 5months preggers, that makes 4. as for your fella , seems like a waste of space , kick him to kirb!! u will get thru anything for your kids, that is wat keep u strong and its only fair to them anyway that they have stability in their lives. and the sex isnt important, as long as baby ok, that is the main thing, so hes not much of a dad if thats all hes bothered about!!

you may have a point there pesha, but i still think anyone who can think like that is downright selfish!! there are people who have lost their children and would anything to have them back and people who try for kids for years for example and would give their right arm for a child no matter what the sex

I dont think that really helps though trish. You cant help how you feel, its how you deal with it that counts. I dont know about the op's OH but there are people, not selfish people, who for various reasons get freaked out by the sex of their child. I can undrerstand how that can be hard to hear for someone who desperately wants a baby, whatever the sex, but that wont change how they feel. Like I said its how they deal with that fear that counts. And admitting to it is often a big step.

Still confused by the numbers thing though.

Sounds like there is more to this than just the boy thing.
If you tried to leave him in August you must of only just fallen pregnant around then.
Sounds like you arnt happy with your fella and are using the fact baby is a boy as an excuse to leave him.

If yr not happy with him then kick him out and wait for house, with 3?4? 5? kids.
I would rather be on my own with my kids than stuck in a relationship that wasnt working.

Trish12 you are spot on when you say people would give right arm for baby whatever the sex or to have a lost baby back but I dont think it is the babies sex that is the issue. My sons father spent his time joking he wanted a girl this time or it was going back, it was another boy and he is just happy he is healthy.

Sort things out with your fella, if you dont want to be with him then end it. If you are just expecting him to want to leave just because you are having a boy then I would seriously give it time and let him get used to the idea.
Either way you have kids to think of and if your unhappy, they will see it.
You have 4 months of your pregnancy left, id use that time to get your life sorted one way or another before baby comes along.
Good luck

i will try and explain better.
it seems my partner wants a housemaid not a mother to kids i have 2 boys from a prev relationship and now have 3 from my current partner thats where the 5 kids come from.
it is my partner who dont want it if its a boy and wants to put up 4 adoption just becos its a boy. but like u have said he will have to get used to it.but i left in august as my partner was controlling and still is, not letting me go anywhere without ringing or txtn me to see how long im gona be or why im taking so long at the shops .
He doesnt like tha fact that i go to mother n toddler groups everyday and dont do enough housework it is hard with the kids who are so demanding but i manage to look after kids instead of doing housework i do it to a certain extent but cant do everything he wants me to.

i am just there to look after the house and kids 24/7 when he get home from work its nag nag nag and he go on computer all night or go bed really early and help with the kids anyway.
have u got me so far.
as for the sex its not me damanding it as i dont want it all the time its part of his controlling thing i have it or he thinks im goin somewhere else for it when hes at work.but im not.

I strongly think that this man is no good for you at all and he is adding pressure to a situation that must be hard for you and your family as it is. Do you have friends or relatives nearby that you can talk to?

I have had problems with the council myself but you really need to get this man out and get talking to someone about your situation.
Does he get on with your 2 boys or is that where one of the problems lie?

I wish you well....you really need to take some action now before its too late but if it was me I would be doing everything in my power to get out of that situation and get rid of that man!

I'd say you're right to leave, and would suggest you go to citizen's advice first of all, that way you know where you stand.

As good2goss said, do you have any friends or relatives you could go to?

I'm sure you're aware that another baby was porbably not the best way to go in an unhappy relationship, so try not to dwell on that too much and just concentrate on getting away.

Are you in a council property at the moment? or is it rented or mortgaged, and in whose names?

I think you need to seek advice - don't do anything rash - the council could say you made yourself intentionally homeless.

See CAB for advice - and you could ask Women's Aid for advice, too.

Of course you aren't going to put your child up for adoption so what about just staying put and if he doesn't like it, he can go? And ask your HV if you can get assertiveness or 'freedom training' to help you sort out leaving him or finding ways to stand up to him?

i have family but they live 45 miles away in norwich i can get there on bus in 90 mins my sister says i can stay with her but will go cab 1st see what they can do.
i have 2 boys by a previous relationship and the oldest lives with his dad cos my fella dont get on with him so that is another reason cos i dont get to see my other son as often as id like to.i.e partner wont let me go see him

your partner sounds like a shithead

Good idea, try CAB as soon as poss, and if they don't help and you still feel trapped, go to your sisters and sort things out from there. Things are easier to sort out when you're away from the situation.

It's terrible that he's stopped you seeing your son. He should understand that your children come before him.

What's the problem?

He said he wanted a girl as he didn't know what to do with a boy ... and he has now changed his mind and welcomes the boy?

Is that the problem?

If that is all the problem is, you are being very silly.

i can sometimes stand up to him but at the moment havnt got the nerve or energy to do so. losing my self esteem again and confidence

Ok reading the thread he sounds like a complete cocklodger. Talk to womensaid

And brook none of this 'Won't let me see my son'. You are not his dog and he does not get to say who you do and do not see. He can only control you if you allow him to. Get angry!

i never said it coz i thought it would help, i just voiced my opinion thats all, and if people cant handle that then they shouldnt ask in the first place, a subject like that is always going raise debates, as it is a personal opinion. And i agree CSMF, dont think the sex is the issue

I try to stay clear of advice - because in situations such as these it sometimes falls on deaf ears. However Babycarrier, you put up a message because you wanted help - so do yourself and your children a favour and take heed of what the others have said.
This relationship is certainly no good for you or your kids. You can't control the sex of a child. Neither can your 'partner' (and I use that term loosely). I agree with trish12 - the sex does'nt seem to be the issue - its the controlling aspect of the behaviour which is alarming. Get yourself to a relatives house, tell as many people as possible what the situation is - many bullies behaviour thrives on your fear and is dependant on you keeping your mouth shut. So speak up, get angry and get out.

Mmm, I dont know baby carrier. You already seem to know all the answers to your concerns, you know what you dont like about him and what would be good for your children. However you are still asking for help??

This guy doesn't sound like thr greatest but hwat is the situation when he is with the kids? Is he a good dad to his kids, would he be there for him?

Doe syour partner have a good relationship with HIS father? Perhaps his father or father figure made his life hell or made him feel neglected as a child and in your DH mind he feels he may end up doing the same with his son, so in his mind he wants to avoid having a boy at all or completly scares the shite out of him (him thinking he will fail as a dad).

Perhaps his issues are deeper? Being his partner you should be able to try and talk to him about any issues. Poeple generally are not bad just because. People have been moulded from their life and childhood.

Your inability to make a decision or effectively leave the person you feel is sooooo wrong for you shows a charteristic in your personality, perhaps your mother was a vunrable lady? Perhaps you always saw you mum or mother figure bowing down and not really making a stand on anything???

I dont knoe I am just making and comment on your words and how they read.

In a relationship in order for you bot to really love each other depper than whether or not you get on etc is to UNDERSTAND your partner and find out why his personality appears in your mind so wrong. You also need to understand why you are like the way you are and decide that if what you are currently showing your children ie....staying in a bad relationship, running around for everyone, being told what to do, not making your own decision etc.

The thing is if you are not allowed out as you say....does this mean that you dont talk through your feelings with anyone? if this is the case to you tend to discuss your worries and stresses with your childre, or talk about them openly in front of the children? If this again is the case then your are involving your children in a situation which can also cause them mental harm...so not only are you fedeling in a rut but also your children are being affected.

All I can suggest is really thinking about your situation and work out where the problem really lies...communication is the way to go....and if you cannnot communicate with him at all or their is no progress with communication after TRYING it then you do need to take yourself and this children away from this situation for you all to feel more secure.

I hope it all works out