Having major anxiety need talking down

[jacksmannequin]

I'm 19+1 and have suffered terribly this pregnancy with anxiety and ocd. I'm going away for 10 days tomorrow on holiday and I am freaking out ! Constantly checking the toilet paper for blood, on the verge of panic attacks. Just have that feeling of impending doom and can't shake it. I'm trying to convince myself not to go for a private scan today because all that's doing is feeding the anxiety, I'll feel reassured then in a few days it'll hit me again. I've felt baby this morning so you'd think that would calm me but for some reason it isn't !
Any wise words ? A virtual slap round the face is needed I think !

You need to get a grip lovely, you can’t be anxious and panicky about things like this all the time. There will be times when things happen and your child gets hurt and being a headless anxiety ridden chicken is not going to help situations when precise and calm is needed instead.
Is there a reason why you seem sure this pregnancy is not going to go through or is it in your head? Or do you think your going to be punished because your going on holiday? What is it that you think is going to happen? It’s hard to be rational in a state of anxiety but maybe seeing a doctor and being given medication would help?

Well if it helps, it won’t end after the pregnancy - you’ll be worrying about your newborn, then your toddler etc always thinking ‘If I can just get to X milestone I will relax..’
then you look back and see how much time you’ve wasted needlessly worrying
well that’s what happened to me anyway 😔

I think it's because I had a mmc last November after ivf, then we fell pregnant naturally. 7 years of secondary infertility, endless investigations, treatments etc have just left me an anxious mess.
I do think it's something to do with the holiday yes, but I just can't put my finger on why! I keep going back and forth about a scan today, but my 20 week scan is at the end of the month so then I think no I need to just wait for that. I hate feeling this way I just want to be normal. I want to enjoy this baby she's my world and I feel like I'm falling apart.
I have been referred to the perinatal mental health team and I do think they'll advise medication the way I'm feeling

It might be the fact that I told myself for weeks that I'd go and have a scan the day before. And now I've decided not too. It's like my anxious mind is battling with my rational mind !

is it possible to focus on something else?
wish you the best but be accepting of whatever happens, -you cant control everything- may help.
agree dont go to scan if not routine.

@bluebell34567 I've been out into town this morning doing some last minute bits and I do feel abit calmer now. It's still there in the background though, it always is.
It's so hard to shake a bad feeling when I get like this.

maybe you developed some sort of ocd. does gp prescribe anything for your anxiety?

Hey OP - I know you posted the other day about being referred to the perimental health team so I'm really glad that's been done for you.

Don't go to the scan (assuming it's private) - it may ease the anxiety now, but come tomorrow you'll be back to the same set of fears. You've got your 20 week scan to look forward to when you return - try and relax on this holiday, it's the last chance you'll get to be a non-parent on holiday! You've been through so much and it's natural you've got anxiety but it's getting to the critical level where it's impacting your daily life, and you definitely need some intervention.

Hopefully in 20 weeks you'll be holding your beautiful baby, try and focus on that rather than the negatives or possibilities. I know it's hard, I was where you were at 6 years ago - but I wish more than anything I had spent less time worrying and more time enjoying the relative freedom I had at that point before becoming a mum, because trust me, the anxiety doesn't go away - it just morphes into something different.

I'm sorry if any of the replies are unhelpful OP. I posted something very similar at 1.30am last night when I was wide awake with anxiety!
I think when there has been a loss it's completely normal, and have been told this several times by several midwives. My son passed away at 33 weeks last June and I'm 27 weeks with my rainbow now. I completely empathise with the anxiety, like you I was constantly checking for blood, now it's changed to being obsessed with her movements. Comments telling you to try and not be anxious are incredibly unhelpful, obviously you don't want to feel this way! Nobody does!
Have you spoke to your midwife? I told mine how I'm feeling and she's arranging extra support for my mental health now.
Also, I've literally just booked a private scan for tomorrow because I had a huge panic attack last night!
I know my comment hasn't provided any advice, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone and it's normal to feel how you are feeling 💖

Sorry you are feeling this way, however after miscarriage and in your situation I can totally understand it…. This pregnancy was very much longed for clearly and I understand why you’d be anxious. Important to talk to you MW next time you visit as they can be really helpful in these circumstances.

If you are feeling Baby move then thats very positive. When is your 20 weeks scan? Must be soon? If you can afford the private scan and it would put your mind at rest for a relaxing holiday why not go? I’m not saying sounds like you need to - just it won’t hurt? (unless you really can’t spare the money) As an alternative would your midwife listen in for you?

As others have said distraction is good advice too.

sending hugs xx

Sorry I should've probably been more clear, I am already a mom to a 7 year old. I've always had ocd and anxiety but since I had my ds the ocd developed into checking ocd so all around safety, now it's still checking rituals and also now I'm worried about food contamination and germs.

I really don't want to have another scan, I've got it into my head the baby will be measuring behind and then it'll ruin the holiday. Don't know why I'm thinking that way as she's always measured perfectly! Also, as a pp stated, it'll giving into the compulsions then and sooner or later the thoughts will come back. I also keep having horrible intrusive thoughts about the baby.

I have been very upfront and honest with the gp and midwife's all the way through, since 10 weeks when i started to notice I was getting bad. Hopefully by the time I'm back the referral will be sorted.

Sorry it's op

That sounds very much like perinatal OCD - or maternal OCD, there are some really good articles about it on the internet and I totally, totally get where you are coming from because I had exactly the same thing (and still do, to some extent). My perinatal mental health nurse was amazing and I had some great support before and after the birth of my son.

It sounds like this has been a long standing issue for you and you could definitely do with some kind of treatment - whether it be medication or therapy, as it's something you've battled with for a while. OCD grips you and it's horrible and you feel you need to keep doing the same "safe" things that help ease it, but the reality is you're just prolonging the cycle as you know.

Have you ever been on a medication that has worked well for you OP? As you may know you can take SSRI's during pregnancy, and it might be that if you're not currently on them you need to go back to a therapeutic dose that will help manage these thoughts.

OP just wanted to say you're not alone. I had a mmc before Christmas and currently 16 weeks. I've a scan today and I'm bringing my child and I'm in bits. Keeping busy is keeping me sane but at nights the thoughts creep in. I find extra scans reassure me for a while but lead up to them and the scan themselves leave me in pieces. I think it's ptsd tbh. If you've felt movement you've nothing to worry about. Weigh it up if a scan will help yuo enjoy your holiday. Try and keep occupied and listen to some of the mindfulness YouTube videos.

I think it's normal to have these anxieties after our previous experiences but we can't let them win. There's no rationale to them and it is just trauma messing with you.

Thank you for all your understanding replies.
Yes I agree I am abit traumatised too, definitely. I get the scan fear, absolutely shit myself on the run up to one ! I just can't put myself through it today.
The baby has been quiet the last couple of days, movements have been lighter and less frequent. For the last week she was so active and felt her strongly but she's quiet now and that isn't helping my anxiety! It's the fact I'm going to be away for 10 days in a foreign country and don't want to be worrying the whole time.

I really need this help from perinatal and possibly medication again. I used to be on fluoxetine but haven't had any since 2019 and felt good to be honest , I was coping but I'm in bits now.

OP - firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy.
I have OCD and the best method is not giving into the impulses, not going to a scan, not doing any of the things that would reassure you. For example, even looking at the tissue after wiping. You have to sit with the feeling and accept the anxiety.

My therapist described it as a monster that begins small. Every time you perform an action, the monster grows until it becomes stronger than you. The only wait to beat the monster is to not feed it.

Everything is going to be fine.

@jacksmannequin my experience is different to PP and actually I felt my irrational anxiety go once I had had the baby. I didn't even complete the CBT course I'd started. If you've been referred to the mental health team that's great, but in the meantime it may sound trite but can you try some positive affimations and try to trick yourself into believing them? Additionally there may be something you can self refer to with your GP.

Thanks you everyone for kind and sensible words. I've woken feeling more positive today. I don't think the whole stress of going on holiday helped and all the stuff you have to do the day before ! But I'm at the airport and what do you know, have had slight pink discharge. I do have a cervical etroption though and am constipated so I'm hoping it's just that, I have felt baby give a couple of small kicks an hour ago or so, so I'm trying to remain postive