Suffering with mental health can't see a midwife

[jacksmannequin]

I'm really struggling with my mental health atm. Ocd has gone crazy and have awful anxiety, all about the baby and wondering if everything's okay constantly. I'll have a few good days then bang it's back again. I'm seeking reassurance through scans or Dopplers with the midwife's and it helps for a few days then I start again.
I've been told by a midwife I need to see my midwife to get referred urgently for perinatal mental health team, but I can't get in the doctors to see her! I can't even get a 5 minute phonecall. So what are you meant to do in this situation?
I go on holiday next week for ten days and I feel like should I book a scan before I go ? But then i worry that for some reason the baby won't be measuring correctly and it'll ruin the holiday. I'm just going to worry constantly. I'm even tempted to buy a Doppler to take with me, but I know I'll get obsessed with it and if I can't find the heartbeat I'll freak out. Just don't know what to do.

I'm 18+2 today btw. I do feel movements but not all the time. I feel reassured when I feel her but because it's so sporadic it can make me worry even more

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Have you tried the GP? Maybe calling the maternity assessment centre at your hospital might help you get through to someone, or 111 who may be able to get you an emergency appointment to speak with someone.

I personally wouldn't book a scan before your holiday - I think you'll just keep going in this loop of checking and then worrying. Home Dopplers aren't advised either simply because it's tricky to pick up a heartbeat even when everything is OK and it can make your worry more.

Is this your first baby? I'm 18+6 with my second and their movements are still sporadic - at this stage they are still very small, the uterus isn't completely out of the pelvis, and there are lots of places for them to wiggle into so you can't feel them. I wouldn't expect to feel regular movements at this stage at all - totally normal. I hope you manage to see someone

@jacksmannequin I sent feedback on my experience of midwives services to Maternity Voices Partnership - it's like PALS for maternity services, there is a branch in every area. They sent by feedback to the Head of midwifery services and I now have a named midwife who I see weekly. I'm also crippled by anxiety some days and really sympathise.

Leave a message for both your midwife and the GP with their receptionist saying exactly what you've said here - you're seeking an urgent referral to the perinatal mental health service as your mental health is declining. One of them will contact you today.

Ring the maternity ward and ask to speak to a PMA midwife or the most senior midwife on duty. They will probably be busy but will call you back. Explain the situation to them.

So, call the GP and the midwife today (or maternity services in your area) and tell them you need to be referred or assessed as an emergency. I'm not sure what the turnaround time is, but I would recommend calling daily until you hear back - perinatal mental health teams are normally pretty on the ball with things like this as they know it's time critical.

Please don't buy a doppler - they should be used by trained professionals and whilst they retail for public use, they can often be more trouble than they are worth, plus there is a difference between the baby heartbeat and the placenta, so you won't be entirely sure which one you'll get.

Scan - I wouldn't - if you keep going for scans every time you feel concerned or anxious, when does it stop?

Movement - 18+6 is still very early - I didn't have consistent movement patterns until well past my 20w scan, and possibly not even until 24w.

I have called and left a message for the original midwife who told me I needed to get help from perinatal. I'm hoping she will do the referral for me. If not I will definitely call the hospital directly.
I just think it's wrong that someone is actively seeking help and can't get it. What does that say?! It's like they don't care. I said to the receptionist at the doctors it comes to something when you can't get in to see your midwife especially with something like mental health issues.

My 20 week scan is 2 days after I get back from the holiday, I did try and get it moved to before I went but they couldn't do it.
I just keep thinking I need to know all is okay in order to enjoy my holiday, but I know thats irrational and I wish I didn't think this way. It's bloody exhausting

Oh another thing, The gp referred me to the local well being service when I initially rang them at 10 weeks pregnant telling them
How much I was struggling , I had two sessions with them and the night before my 3rd session it was cancelled with no explanation Other than the therapist would be in touch the week after. That was 3 weeks ago.

Just to answer, this is my second child but 3rd pregnancy. I had a mmc in November after an ivf cycle. We conceived naturally to our total suprise.
Had secondary infertility for the last 7-8 years so that's why im so anxious I think. It's been a lot to go through

So I can't be referred to the perinatal mental health team until I'm 20 weeks. They only do it after that point. I was never told this though so feel abit gutted now.
I'm obsessing over food, wouldn't eat a biscuit earlier as I didn't know what was in it, which I know is ridiculous.
I'm obsessively checking the toilet paper every time I go for a wee.
I check my boobs twice a day to check they're still firm. It's a whole routine.
I've now started thinking if I open a thread that I don't realise might be abit triggering I feel like I have to completely finish reading the whole thread (even if it's distressing for me) bevuae if I don't something bad will happen. Oh and I won't have a bath

And I'm afraid to paint my nails. Everything scares me. I'm terrified of putting anything on my body that might hurt the baby. Hate feeling this way it's so overwhelming

So sorry you're going through this @jacksmannequin 💐 I'm 17 weeks and also have the repeated anxious thoughts and I'm checking for blood every time I go to the loo. It's an exhausting way to live. I've been put on the 1-2-1 midwife service so I can be seen weekly and listen to my baby's heartbeat to help my anxiety. Is your midwife able to offer regular appointments while you wait for your MH referral? It's not the same but it's the best support they can offer me right now.

I'm sorry you're going through this too, it really is exhausting. I feel really alone aswell. A family member is pregnant atm and sailing through and it makes me feel like such an idiot. I'm embarrassed.
I would love to have something like that but nothing of the sort has been mentioned to me! I've really tried to be open aswell I haven't hidden anything but nothings been offered apart from this perinatal thing which I can't access yet

@jacksmannequin I was only given this because I emailed Maternity Voices Partnership about my experience and they passed it on to the senior leadership team at my midwifery service. This is an IVF pregnancy and I've had 2 previous miscarriages. They acknowledged that I need more support and they should be providing it. Maternity Voices Partnership were absolutely brilliant for me. IMHO Maternity services should be required to display their posters.

I know what you mean to that it feels like every other pregnant woman is just floating through it, glowing and happy. Meanwhile on my bad nights I'm awake at 2am praying that everything is ok.

What makes me feel a tiny bit better are Instagram pages like PAL_guide (pregnancy after loss, run by the Mariposa Trust) and "finallypregnant". There are lots of women commenting on those pages going through exactly the same thing.

It's really crap that we have to fight to get the support that we need.

@CurbsideProphet thank you for sharing that, do you think it's worth me emailing? What do I have to say? I'm sorry about your losses. I have had a loss after ivf and it's just devastating.
I went to see a midwife last week, explained I was worrying about movements etc and she started to tell me off abit until i broke down crying and she realised how bad I was actually feeling, she listened in and of course it reassured me but it's crept back in now, as it usually does. I've worried about everything, my brain always finds the next thing to worry about. And now the ocd is getting worse so it's worrying me how bad I'm actually going to get. I love my baby so much and I just want everything to be okay. I need constant reassurance it's tiring

I honestly think it's worth trying @jacksmannequin I'm in Lancashire and had a very quick response. If you look on the MVP website you can see the map of all the branches and the contact details.

In my email I explained I had booking appointment with one midwife, went back for booking bloods with another midwife, then had an appointment at 12 weeks with another. They weren't all sensitive about my previous miscarriages and I had to keep repeating my history.
I'm very anxious and I need proper support, especially with my medical history.

They passed my email on the same day and I had a call from the Head of midwifery services within a couple of days.

I really sympathise with needing constant reassurance. At least now I've started weekly appointments with a midwife who is kind and organised I know someone will listen to me. She also doesn't make me feel stupid or that my anxiety is something silly I should be able to get over.

@CurbsideProphet I have just had a look and there isn't one in my immediate area but maybe 10 miles or so away so I will drop them an email I think.
I haven't seen the same midwife twice either.
And I can't get into the doctors to see one anyway ! When I asked for an urgent phone call on Monday I still haven't received it... Also it was put down as an ivf pregnancy and I keep having to explain that I miscarried the ivf pregnancy which isn't nice to keep saying.
My doctors aren't the best since Covid anyway if I'm honest but it shouldn't be this hard. Thanks so much for your help and advice.

@jacksmannequin it could be that they cover your hospital anyway 🤞🏻so always worth an email 🤞🏻
Also if you check the website for the hospital you might be able to see the name of the senior midwife / matron / manager of the antenatal clinic. You could send them an email via PALS and ask for it to be passed on.

It's really crap when we're told to be open about our mental health, but then have a complete battle to get support.

I follow "lookingaftermum" on Instagram who is a qualified therapist specialising in supporting women during and after pregnancy. She has posted some really useful videos recently.

Tommy's also have a pregnancy helpline staffed by midwives. They might be helpful to chat to 💐

I’m there too. Mental health is terrible right now and I have 6 days left. I constantly need reassurance that I haven’t hurt baby but I feel like I have with things I’ve taken inadvertently etc this pregnancy has been so hard 😭 Can you see a therapist? I see one weekly right now. I also have a plan to stay in the hospital after baby if I need too in psychiatry. Just for extra help knowing it’s an enormous process.

@JR1987 Om sorry you're struggling too, it takes the joy away doesn't it. But one bonus is you're nearly there !! I know the worrying doesn't stop though.
Yeah I was seeing one and my last session was cancelled and didn't hear anything for 3 weeks or something ! I've decided I'm going to go on my holiday and try and enjoy it, two days after I get back is the 20 week scan so at least it will break the time up in between waiting for that.

@JR1987 did you request the extra say should you need it? I think that’s amazing that you’re putting preventative measures in place. Prevention is better than cure!

@jacksmannequin hun you are suffering from OCD. but it’s so treatable once you get the care you need. As a sufferer myself, I can recognize the constant checking is your compulsion to the intrusive thought. The best thing to do (as difficult as it is) is not perform thr compulsion because that’s reinforcing the intrusive thought and giving it more life.

please have a look at the below link. It helps me massively when I’m having a bad blip and there’s a section on intrusive thoughts too. Please let us know how you’re getting on xx

cbt4panic.org/

Thank you I’ll take a look. Yes I’m totally in the land of OCD right now it’s intense! I set up everything before hand because I knew I’d probably be pretty out of it honestly and just ruminating and panicked. I’m SO not ok some days. Today I have not gotten out of bed. It’s all very hard for me because I WORK in mental health too! So this is difficult for me to process, but because I’m self aware I’m doing my best. The unknown is awful for someone with anxiety and that’s what I’m faced with. Just the unknown with things I’ve done, taken ( I’m having rumination right now about taking zinc through this pregnancy that I took at a higher dose than I meant too) .. the fact that I had covid and and had to take lots of Tylenol etc.. just lots of things that I’m extremely negatively fixated on. I’m aware of it though which makes it harder and easier?! Lol I’ve written down lots of my thoughts and feelings today and last night and ive tried to challenge the negative thoughts so I’m just gonna keep trying and trying. I’m hoping in 6 months my fears will be gone when my baby does just fine developmentally but right now all
i can see is that I’ve caused harm. So it’s going to literally be one day at a time going forward. 🙏🏼