DS just turned one and I'm pregnant again, help!

[marionara]

DS has just turned one and I've just found out I'm pregnant again.
I'm pretty horrified by this as the idea of having two under two is mindblowing to me!
Please someone reassure me that this isn't as scary as it sounds!

I had a similar age gap between mine and it was hard work but essentially fine. It helped that I managed to tune their naps so they were both asleep at the same time so I had a break in the middle of the day. I also used a sling for the littlest one which meant I had both hands free for the toddler.

They are really close and enjoy spending time together now (age 11 & 12).

Congratulations! My eldest two are 21 months apart. I found it a lovely gap. I did have plenty of support from my family though, and only worked part time
They always got on very well (still do) and because I snuck the second one in early, she was accepted by the older one straight off the bat.
It was expensive for nappies though!

Congrats

DS1 was 21mths, when DS2 arrived, so yes two under two. We did plan for DS2 but didn’t expect to fall pregnant so quickly. My two are 20 & 19 now, and such good friends. I would say the first three years were the hardest, much easier after that. The advantages were they liked similar tv programs, toys, played together, albeit lots of fights 🤣 you don’t get a chance to forget any stage. I have no regrets of having such a close gap. Fun days, would do it all again if I could. Don’t worry it will be ok.

I have an 18 month gap between mine, eldest is now 3, my second maternity leave was definitely more hectic than my first, i planned to take a year and went back to work after 9 months.
Tbh with DS1 I did everything and after having my DD I told DH he had to do more 🙈 and he has stepped up, that's what made the major difference, I still have time for myself. The first year was hard as I felt like I always had a child in my arms! DD is now 19 months and since she has been able to walk and be a bit more independent it had been way easier, they've started to chase each other and play, although they're now fighting too!
We definitely wanted them close together and for last year we went back and forth over having a third but since we don't want a big gap we are sticking at two, it's made me realise I would find 3 close together really difficult. Whereas if they were spaced out I can imagine I probably would have went on to have three

I honestly can't imagine what it'll be like. I feel guilty for the lack of attention DS will get when new baby is here as I'm not the most organised individual and have been very much winging it so far, it seems like winging it with two babies won't be possible at all! I love the idea of them being close together though of course, just struggling to comprehend how my days will look!

I got pregnant with ds2 when ds1 was 6 months old and they are 16 months apart. And I suddenly became a single mum whilst pregnant too. It was hard work but so wonderful watching them grow together and have a playmate for life. I had lots of family support and tax credits helped with nursery fees. God only knows what x2 in nursery costs these days. My boys are now 16 and 17 years old. Congratulations!!

No one has said it yet, so I'm sure I'll get slated for it, but if you're terrified to be pregnant you do have the option of not being pregnant anymore. You don't have to have a baby you're not ready for.

I had two under two and I’ll be honest, the first year was hard. Even with a very supportive DH. Although I had no local family like grandparents to help which with hindsight would have made a lot of difference. DD wasn’t a sleeper.

BUT, now they are 3 and 5 and it’s pretty easy most of the time and they play together all the time, are into the same activities etc and family life is lovely. I have a few friends whose eldest is also in reception and they’re just starting again with number two and it makes me shudder! I feel so glad we got the hard bit out of the way and are now reaping the benefits of that.

Bigger age gaps can be right for some people, everyone is different. But honestly, if you just want the two then my view is crack on and get the hard bit done (if of course you’re lucky enough to be able to).

This was me back in September and I was having a giant freak out so I think that’s a perfectly natural reaction! I’m pretty sure we conceived DC2 after DD’s first birthday party where we were celebrating a bit too much for having kept a child alive for a year 🙈 we’ll have a 21 month gap, pretty much dead on.

Am now 39 weeks and cannot wait to welcome DC2 - I can’t offer any advice yet on the 2 under 2 but what I will say is people told me I’d be amazed how much DD would change in the course of the pregnancy. I was having a giant panic about how I’d juggle the two when I found out, she was only 13 months old. All of a sudden in the space of 9 months she’s so much more independent, she has loads more language, she’s able to follow simple instructions, it’s really worlds apart from where your first DC is right now so don’t panic :)

Also, everything takes longer than you might think… I was watching DD potter around the garden with the cat last week and for the first time thought ‘god, she’s getting to the point where she’d get so much out of a sibling’. In an alternative universe I think that might have been the spur to chat to DH that night about TTC again… as it was it was a lovely thought that I’d been growing one for her already and he was going to arrive very soon!

@marionara I was a disorganised winger too! My biggest win was accepted that it would take an hour to get 3 of us ready to leave the house. I'd just get baby fed and ready, and would find boy had taken his shoes and socks off, stuff like that.

Standards slipped, we co slept, we didn't fret about sleep times as long as they slept, and we came out the other side
Grateful to not have had social media to see how everyone was doing it better than me!

You don't have to have a baby your not ready for. I'm not going to lie and say it's a bed of roses as it's not it's going to be very hard for you until they get older.

I found the second baby a lot easier than the first... you know what you are doing, what works for you and your life is child oriented.

Sometimes its hard when they both need you at once, but you sort the quickest and most urgent need first (so chucking some bread, cheese and cucumber on a plate for a toddler us quicker than giving the baby a breastfeed for example, so baby waits a couple of minutes)

Then as they get older they are a similarish stage which makes days out and activities easier.

Mine are 9&10 now.

Thank you everyone. And I appreciate the posts regarding not continuing with the pregnancy too, that's a totally valid option.
I'm conflicted, as I was planning on another, but not quite yet!! But then of course, I'm thirty-four already, clock ticking is something I'm also quite conscious of. It would be sad to not continue this time and then when it came to trying next year, finding we had some problems with conceiving. Sigh! Perhaps there is no perfect time!
I was just getting back into my nice jeans too!
I think I might ask a question on the childcare section, as I feel like I'll need help in the first while, a mother's help/au pair? I need some advice on all these as I have no idea! - I had a c-section last time, so it'll be another c-section this time. Absolutely bedridden inevitably!

I found out I was expecting my 3rd around my 2nd’s 1st birthday and it was all good. Number 3 was 5 weeks early so there’s 1 year 7 months between them. It was great, honestly. Despite being boy/girl they’re the best of pals. Do everything together and they absolutely make my heart burst with happiness. They’re 7 & 9 now.

by contrast there was 8 years between 1 & 2 (both boys) and they’re not at all close and I think DS1 was pretty lonely growing up.

I’m expecting number 4 soon and I really hope to have a 5th fairly close after 😳

@marionara I totally understand this feeling. It was a big surprise to find out I was pregnant just before DS1s 1st birthday and the week before I returned to work from mat leave. I'm now 14weeks and I'm still very much coming to terms with it. I've had a previous MC so I know how grateful I should be to be pregnant but I just still feel overwhelmed by it. I know I had choices but like you we were planning on trying the end of the year/ next year anyway so didn't feel like a termination was the right choice for us now. One of my big concerns was the cost of childcare, we currently pay £800 a month for 2 days a week and my little boy is with grandparents the other 3 days (i work full-time) but I don't know whether mine or my partners parents would want two small ones at the same time but putting 2 in nursery for 3 days a week would be like £2400 a month 🤯 On the flip side my nephews are 17months apart in age and my brother coped so I'm sure we'll manage it even if it is tough at the beginning ❤️

I'll be in this situation soon, but intentionally. Started TTC just before dc1's first birthday, caught first cycle, am due in August when DC1 will be 21 months.

We wanted to get the baby stage out the way and not be able to get used to no nappies before going back to them XD Plus I think the smaller the age gap the closer they're likely to be in terms of interests and things growing up.

I got pregnant again when my DS was 8months! I am now 38 weeks & I can’t wait to have them meet each other 😍 they will be besties. Realistically the newborn just needs milk & sleep so all the time when baby is asleep I’ll be giving my DS all the attention, he is 16months now.

Also having a C-section but my DP is taking 4 weeks off & I have my mum the 2 weeks after that. If you have good support you will be fine!

@CoalCraft I remember you from the buses congrats 🎉

15 months between me and my sister. We get on really well.

Still unsure to be honest, everyone!
I'm pretty worried that my son would really suffer if we had another baby so soon 😔

23 months between mine so not just as close but still hectic at times. I think it’s worked really well having them close in age as DS has taken it completely in his stride and it’s like DD has always been here. Don’t get me wrong it’s definitely quite full on at times but wouldn’t change it for the world. Baby DD lights up with laughter when she’s watching her big bro, it warms the heart to see the bond forming already.

Co-sleeping and a sling have been lifesavers this time round and I feel like I still get plenty of 1:1 time with my oldest even when I’m on my own with the two of them - baby just sits and fiddles with toys beside us while I play with him. Other friends with small gaps between DC have kept their toddler in their usual daycare place for a few days per week while on maternity leave which would really help too if that’s an option for you. Also have a friend who arranged a mother’s help to come in for a few mornings a week which I think is an amazing idea if you’re able to do this!

I actually think a smaller age gap can be easier for children as they don't really remember being an only one. You are also still in the swing of having a baby so it is not such a big shift for you. I did initially find having 2 under 2 hard work but you learn strategies and have plans for how to deal with situations. It also makes days out easier as they get older as they are still into the same things.