Lonely

[emispregnant2021]

Hi everyone. It's me again. Mumsnet is kind of becoming my diary in a weird sort of way. I'm 39 + 2 and today is my 22nd birthday. I'm so miserable. I've had an awful pregnancy. People around me have really really let me down and over the past I would say month my mental health has gotten really bad. I think I'm quite badly depressed. It's dawned on me that baby can come anytime and I'm just so scared. I'm scared of not being a good mum. I'm scared I'm not a good person. I'm scared I won't know babe she's hungry or when she's had enough. I'm so scared I get things wrong. I'm scared about post natal, and being in agony I'm scared about giving birth. I have all this worry and sadness and I don't know what to do with it. I'm so gutted. I wanted to love pregnancy and I think I would have done a lot more had everyone around me not been so awful? I'm so badly depressed. I know everyone is going to say to contact my midwife and get help but I just wanted to hear from anyone who maybe also felt like me, how did you find it? I know I can be a good mum. I'm just feeling so lonely.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. Looking back I had a bit of a dip with my mental health just before my first child was born but when she arrived it improved. Hormones are very powerful things and you're probably exhausted at the moment too. When your baby arrives you will know when she's hungry and when she has had enough, things like that will be fine. Not having a good support network is a worry though as you will need that even more when your baby arrives. Can you reach out to a few people who you would like support from, maybe your mum or friends? Even if you feel like things have become awkward you could try to reconnect so that you feel a bit more supported at this time. Is your partner helpful? Can you talk to him about how you are feeling? He may also have his own worries about being a parent and could be keeping them quiet so that he doesn't worry you. This is a very stressful time, but it can also be a wonderfully exciting time. I wish I could have the experience of giving birth again (we have decided to stop at 2 children). Neither of my births was traumatic or difficult and they are both experiences that I look back on happily and with great memories. I found that I heard lots of horror stories but people do have very positive experiences too. Try to start getting exciting about the fact that you will get to meet your baby soon. If you don't feel better after the birth please do reach out to professionals who can help as you shouldn't have to suffer on your own.

Please speak to your midwife or health visitor about your concerns. My health visitor has just referred me to our local perinatal mental health nurse as I'm struggling at the minute.
I also had counselling after my first baby was born which was organised by the hospital.
Please be honest with them and don't say everything is ok if it isn't. There is so much support available and it's much more common than people realise.
Please also try not to worry. Lots of these things will come naturally. If you're unsure post on mumsnet, I found lots of help in these pages during the night feeds with my first.
I'm pretty alone without a support network too, it's hard but if you attend baby classes and groups in your area you'll find people with babies of similar ages to talk to.
I'm sorry that people are being horrible. You focus on your little family. You will be your baby's world. Love her and protect her. That's all she needs.
Be kind to yourself xxx

So sorry you feel this way, please be honest with your midwife as you need support now so that you can be as emotionally available as possible for your baby. They’ll make sure you get support when your baby is born too.

Just as an add-on to my last post - I have felt how you feel and it’s a horrible, scary and lonely feeling and I hate the idea of another mum feeling this way. However I didn’t feel it in pregnancy, mine manifested postnatally and made it difficult for me to bond and love my baby, which is why I sound so matter of fact above: you need the support now so you can be emotionally available for your baby.

Good luck OP, support is available please please seek it. Enjoy your time with your beautiful baby. You’ll realise your relationship with her will be the most important thing, sod the time wasters in life ❤️

Op, you'll know instinctively what your baby needs or you'll learn in the first couple of days. Honestly, you will be a great mum. 😊

I'm so sorry people around you let you down. I know how that feels. But soon you will be a team of two with health visitor etc as supporters. There will be mum&baby groups, with other people in the same situation.

PM me if you are feeling low. But honestly, you will get through this. x