Pregnant and terrified. I am 35 hubby 45yo

[Pregnantandvworried]

Hi everyone .
I have 2 children who are 13 and 11. Eldest has suspected autism otherwise healthy children .

We've tried for 3rd child for few years but it was not happening.

I am now 4 weeks pregnant and I am so worried that I can't sleep . I ve been up all night worrying that the child will be born poorly due to our age.I also had CT scan not knowing I was pregnant and that adds to the worry .
I am now thinking that maybe we made a mistake having child that late in life.
I thought that I will be very happy to find out that I am pregnant but actually I am not happy now :(
I don't know how to help myself stop worrying.
Will this feeling pass ?

My best friend was 43 and her partner 46 with thier first (and only) child. 35 is about average these days.

your husband is on the older side for being a parent to a new baby. You are perfectly average.

I can understand your husband having some worries about having the same energy levels In his fifties. And obviously health does decline as we age.

You don’t seem to be rational however about your age. Lots and lots of women have babies at your age.

OP honestly how much of the anxiety is the surprise of being pregnant. We had our first and only at 23 he's now nearly 9 and DH is going for the snip as the thought of starting again fills us with dread.

Genetically 35 is fine, Dr Google says head CT are fine in pregnancy.

And my dad was 45 when I was born and is still a very fit & healthy man full of life with all his faculties. There is nothing wrong (or too old) with either of your ages. Suggest you see your midwife about your anxiety. It's quite irrational.

Hey OP, I agree with everyone that 35 isn't old ! I am 35 too and planning to start trying for a last child in the upcoming months. Having children after 40 is less common (not least because of declining fertility) but children between 35-40 has become incredibly common.

As for the CT scan, check with your doctor but it's likely it didn't do any harm. We are exposed to radiation every day we live on this earth anyway, the atmosphere doesn't filter everything.

I can’t help you with the CT scan advice but please don’t worry about your age. I had my DD a few months before turning 35 and currently 7 weeks pregnant with number 2 at the young age of 38 (my DH is nearly 42).

Evolution wouldn’t let us become pregnant in our late thirties if our bodies couldn’t cope

There is a strange attitude on mumsnet about older men having children. It’s fine for men but not for women.

I do think men need to go into later In life parenthood with their eyes open. becoming a new parent at 45 does have disadvantages - and advantages.

you are likely to be more financially secure and settled career wise. But statistically speaking you will be there for less time with you child than someone who has children at 30 or 35. Parenting a teenager in your 60s isn’t for everyone - and putting a child through university in your late sixties and early seventies can be a struggle financially for some people.

I am 43 and while I am in good health I have certainly less energy now than in my early thirties. If I had a child now I couldn’t retire at 60 because I would want to support them through university. Personally I think I am now too old to have a baby - even if biology let me.

but op is only 35. No similar concerns for her!

I had DD at age 41. She is thriving! Healthy, seems intelligent and is hitting milestones ahead of time.

Although the chances of some problems are higher in older mothers, it really isn't that much higher. By far most children are born healthy.