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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

What would you do?

12 replies

babyboybluewithnumbertwox · 27/04/2022 12:19

We are approaching 38 weeks pregnant and finalising plans for when labour happens! My sister and her husband have offered to take our almost two year old for however long when things happen which is lovely and super kind, however, my MIL wants to come over for a week before our due date and stay for however long when baby arrives.

MIL would be living with us in our two bed flat where space is already limited... normally when MIL and FIL visit, my partner and I go into the day bed in our sons nursery and they have our bedroom. I don't feel overly comfortable giving up my bed at this stage of pregnancy and not being "free" when labouring at home. With my first, I was in and out of the bath, pacing back and forth in the living room, on the ball etc and I'm not sure how it's going to work with MIL around.

Don't get my wrong she ADORES our son and cannot wait for this new arrival, although, when she does visit she isn't very hands on and has never actually changed a nappy (not even a wet one)... has never made a meal when visiting and tends to just sit and watch our son play which is fine as she probably assumes we have it all covered. We instigate her bathing him which she will happily do but most of the time she won't offer or just do things to help. This is another concern as I feel I will be making sure she is ok and I can see myself running after our toddler whilst she soaks up baby cuddles when he is here. I COULD BE COMPLETELY WRONG and this is where I am asking for some advice and thoughts!

My partner is really upset that I'm on the fence with her visiting and staying with us but I feel it's only a natural reaction considering I'm the one birthing our child and would like to be comfortable in our own home when we are in the early stages... I really don't know what to do and I want to avoid upsetting anyone. What would you do?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Regenbogen22 · 27/04/2022 12:24

Nope nope nope.
And nope again..

You're the one giving birth, if you are not completely comfortable with someone else in your private space around the time of the birth, then that's final. Not up to your husband and MIL has to accept your decision.

I think that's fab that your sister will take your other little one for a bit! Sounds like the perfect solution! Especially as you've specified how much (how little) MIL actually contributes.

God, we also live in a small flat and I can't imagine anyone else being here while I'm massively pregnant at the end or after the birth when I'm leaking, bleeding and emotional.

I'll finish by repeating "nope"!!

Regenbogen22 · 27/04/2022 12:27

And honestly don't worry about upsetting anyone! You're the Mama!

Where would she even sleep?!
And obviously when PIL visit they can't stay overnight anymore.....way too cramped and not fair on your other child or you to have everyone sleeping in one room.

Sorry, pressed post and then thought of more to write! Feel strongly about this topic because I'm fiercely private 😁

WildCoasts · 27/04/2022 12:31

Another vote for nope here. You need your privacy at this stage of pregnancy, not a house guest no matter who they are. You need that privacy after baby is here too.

ShadowPuppets · 27/04/2022 12:33

They need to stay in a hotel, Airbnb, wherever. She also needs to change the dates so she’s arriving a few days after little one has arrived - certainly not before. You don’t even know when that will be, necessarily, she could be with you for weeks!

I adore my MiL and she’s very hands on with our toddler (have a nearly 2 year old and due in 3 weeks with my second as well!) but as soon as the conversation came up about this birth we were clear that we didn’t have the space and she couldn’t be here 24/7. We also made it clear that we would need and want a few days to bond as a little family of 4 before MIL arrived (I think we sold this as being important for DD1 to bond with her new sibling!)

You need to get this really clear with your DP and present a United front - this isn’t a rejection of your MIL but it’s about doing what’s right for the 3 most important people in this scenario - you as the birthing woman, new DC as the new baby who also needs to recover from birth, and DC1 who needs time and calm to bond with their sibling.

Snowflakes1122 · 27/04/2022 12:36

No way. Those first special few days you’ll be recovering, finding your feet and bonding with baby. Sounds like you don’t have the space to accommodate her either.

Merryclaire · 27/04/2022 14:30

I’d be horrified if my MIL suggested such a thing unless there was a very strong practical argument for it (i.e not because she wants to be there).
This is your special bonding time and she is putting you out. End of!

PinkButtercups · 27/04/2022 14:48

Nope.

She can come visit when you feel comfortable enough and your children have bonded.

If your husband is that upset about it he can always stay with mummy.

babyboybluewithnumbertwox · 27/04/2022 16:57

Thank you so much everyone, this is really helpful and makes me feel less harsh for saying no!!

My partner is on board with everything that I feel, I didn't even have to put up a fight today so he must have realised himself (thank goodness). MIL is aware of our feelings and it's a huge relief to not worry about this now.

OP posts:
Squiff70 · 27/04/2022 17:19

My MIL wants to be here when I deliver our baby too. It's a HUGE FAT NO from me, no arguments and no compromises. I want to get to know our baby, learn to feed him, let our daughter bond with her new brother. Everyone else can wait.

You will need to put your foot down here. Do it now, loud and clear.

babyboybluewithnumbertwox · 12/05/2022 13:55

Update - we had our handsome little boy last week at 38+2 weeks! MIL understood our wishes and will be visiting in June... feeling very happy and in a little love bubble with my family 💙

OP posts:
Mally100 · 12/05/2022 14:12

Congrats on your new baby💙 I'm so glad that everything worked out. X

Mommabear20 · 12/05/2022 14:12

Nope! Little one to your sisters when the time comes and grandma can visit when YOU say afterwards!

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