Birth announcement - family drama!

[Mumtobemel]

So I’m booked in for a C-Section next Tuesday (first baby and a little boy). Initially my husband and I agreed that we’d wait until a few days after baby was born to announce to family his arrival, and when plans changed to a section we agreed to not tell anyone the date. This was purely because we didn’t want to be bombarded with messages from family constantly asking for photos and news of baby, when can they come to visit etc when we wanted to spend time getting to know him first and see how I was feeling afterwards and announce the birth in our own time. So we’ve been dodging the constant questions from family about a date for the section. However, I started to feel really guilty that our parents didn’t know - especially mine in case anything didn’t go to plan and I was unwell. So, I persuaded my husband that we should tell our parents only of the date, and ask them not to tell anyone else until we’ve announced his birth when we’re ready.

Told parents last night, swore them to secrecy, and everything seemed to be ok. They were excited and I felt relieved they knew and that I’d made the right decision. Fast forward to this afternoon, and a distant family member of mine on my Dads side comments on a photo of me on my husbands Facebook, wishing us both lots of luck for Tuesday with baby. I call my Dad, ask if he’s told anyone except my step mum and he denied it. Then I said “have you told X, as she’s put it on Facebook”. He immediately starts apologising and saying yes he’d told her as he’d ran into her. I’m furious and don’t know how to react. My husband has deleted the comment but I’m now so worried this family member will run into more of my close friends/family (they live in a small town so likely) and let the cat out the bag - she’s already been told not to say anything and by putting it on Facebook it obviously doesn’t bother her.

Do I tell more people now? What about when my baby is born? I feel I can’t trust my Dad not to announce his birth to the world before I’m ready and it’s something my husband and I want to do ourselves in our own way. I don’t know how to approach this situation, but I now feel that when baby is born my only option is to ignore calls and texts from parents (will send a text to say me and baby are ok but no photos or name announcement) until we’re ready to announce his birth and can tell everyone we want to, so they don’t find out second hand from my Dad. Am I being unreasonable?

I had something similar. No one knew I was due to be induced apart from my mother. She let it slip to a friend of mine, who told her husband, who told a mutual friend, who told quite a lot of other people. I was really not happy (the friend’s husband was devastated when he realised he’d told the local gossip factory). As it happened I wasn’t induced that day, and did get to control the information, but I remember being thoroughly unimpressed at the time, especially with my mum.

Yes I'd be annoyed if people knew before I wanted them to. Maybe deactivate yourself off Facebook before Tuesday so nobody can "tag" you in anything? Or just keep them all in the dark and ignore everyone for a week or so after the section. Although I'm sure your parents will want to know you are okay after surgery 🤷🏻‍♀️

My auntie congratulated me on the birth of my baby publicly on Facebook less than one hour after she was born. I hadn't seen her for about 3 years. I was fuming!

But everyone's just excited and get wrapped up in their own emotions.

You don't need to tell anyone else. Hopefully your dad has learnt his lesson.

I would be grateful that you have so many people in your life who want to wish you well and support you.

We just announced the births of each of our three DDs to our respective parents and left them to get on with telling everyone else. Job done as far as we were concerned.

I guess that misses the point of the thread though. This clearly bothers you a lot more than it bothered me.

You could say because you will be taking it easy due to the c section you will not want visitors for xx time and not being rude will not answer the door to people who are ' just passing '
So yes it's a pain that more people know , but it's still your call as to when they actually get to meet.

This!

I don't see why it's such an issue. Just answer the messages when you are ready. You won't be the first person or the last to have a baby and this all seems a bit precious.

I would just announce the birth with the appropriate info on Facebook and via WhatsApp promptly after delivery with a "don't call us we'll call you" message.

Same here. Don't really get the whole big secret thing.

There is a simple solution to this problem. On the day of the birth, put your phones in do not disturb mode.

once you feel you are ready, send out a general announcement with as much information as you are willing to share. Being overly precious about not sharing details really isn’t necessary, but do what you want. At least let them know if everyone is ok. If you have a name and a photo, your family who obviously cares about you will appreciate it so much, but it is your choice. Leave your phone on do not disturb and you won’t have to deal with any return messages.

OP unless you are bearing a child that is next in line to the throne then it doesn't matter who knows when you are having him. There will be no paparazzi at the hospital doors and you can just set your mobile to flight mode if you don't want to be bombarded with messages. Please recognize that having so many people cheering you on is a lovely problem to have. All the best for Tuesday

It’s a shame your dad told someone but he’s just excited. No harm done hey? Your baby is lucky to have a family who is eagerly awaiting their arrival 🥰. All the best.

Honestly think you’re being a precious about it. Send a message round with a quick pic (vague if necessary) saying you’re both ok then turn off notifications. Everyone’s happy, visitors can be kept at bay until you’re ready but refusing to even tell people who care that he’s arrived is daft.

Do what you want. It really doesn’t make much difference. If you don’t tell people you will still get messages asking how you are and if baby is here anyway. Just don’t reply until you’re ready. You cannot control other peoples messages.

Honestly just deactivate your social media and turn off your phone and relax until the baby arrives!

I removed WhatsApp from my phone in the lead up as was fed up of texts asking if we’d any news yet 😂😂

Drip feed

I also don't get the whole secrecy thing as people are just excited and want to be part of the excitement. If my sister hadn't told me about her kids being born for days I would have been hurt. Even when I had a post natal diagnosis of DS with DS2 I still told people within 24 hours.

Well now your dad will understand when he isn't let into the secret of the arrival when he comes!

Not surprised you're pissed but also know this doesn't have to change how you experience next week.

Hand your phone to your husband and let him deal with it. Tbh, husbands are a bit like spare parts immediately after the birth as there's not a great deal they can do so fielding annoying relatives can be his job.

Blame it on the hormones but I think you’ll look back in a few months and laugh at how you are being about it all

All you have to do is send the usual ‘we are proud to welcome … to our family who arrived today weighing…’ with a pic, and then mute your phone for the ‘congrats’ replies

good luck on Tuesday but as pp said, you’re not having an heir to the throne so most people will really not be falling over to leak this as secret news

Good luck on Tuesday but seriously PFB. Just lighten up and ease up on the ‘rules’. Just enjoy your first few days and don’t worry about what is and isn’t shared on FB and within the family. It doesn’t take away from what you are experiencing as a couple/family of 3.

Unfortunately you should have stuck with the decision not to tell anyone because no one keeps shit like this to themselves, despite swearing they will yes I’m talking from experience.
Gosh, I’d just tell them nothing else that I didn’t want the world to know going forward. Learn from this lesson.

In the nicest way possible, I think you have created the drama yourself. Your request isn't unreasonable but your reaction towards your dad is. You seem quite uptight about it all and as a result this has made you cross and upset.

Totally understand that you want to announce things your way when the baby arrives. This is totally reasonable. When you're ready, choose a picture you're happy to send out to friends and family. But excited Gparents are more than likely to forward it to everyone they know. It's a bit out of your control. And naturally, with the arrival being so soon, they are talking about it a lot. It's normal. It might annoy you but it's not unreasonable of them to want to know. You have the right to not share the info with them but it's like you don't want it mentioned under any circumstances at all. Ever. Nothing... but harsh to be annoyed with them. It's coming from a hugely excited place. No he shouldn't have shared it. Yes you have the right to do things your way but... yes, you should expect for the news to get out without your agreement! Babies make people do all sorts of crazy things. Let this one go. It's not worth the fall out for such a beautiful life event!

This whole drama sounds very over complicated for no reason. Just say baby is arriving Tuesday. We'll be in touch when I'm ready. Come Tuesday, switch your phone off so you're not "bombarded" with so many (🤔) messages.

Being your first, you might surprise yourself at how soon you want to share the good news anyway! It might be a lot sooner than you expect, you'll be so proud you'll want the world to know!

Good luck!

I think the issue really is that you told him something in confidence. He promised to keep it to himself. He then broke that promise. Irrespective of what the confidence was about he ignored your wishes. It doesn't matter what the information was about. You could have been about telling him anything: an issue at work, a major medical problem or an upcoming court case. The issue isn't the fact you are being induced it's that he can't be trusted. I was never bothered about keeping it secret when no dc were born, but I would be bothered if I couldn't trust my family to keep a promise. So in future don't confide in him and let him be well down the order for any news until he realises that when you give your word you keep it.

I don't think you are at all unreasonable to be upset that your DDad passed information that you had asked him to keep to himself but I don't really understand why you have made such a big deal of this.
People who love you are bound to be excited to have a new member of the family and worried about the process .I think you should try to accept that this was just a mistake and probably done through love. If he was asked a direct question he might, of course, not wanted to say an untruth to the family member and I don't suppose you would have wanted him to lie. Whatever happened, it's done and not really important imo.