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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Two weddings, a holiday, a hen and a birthday

26 replies

Horriblewoman · 25/04/2022 10:55

Just found out I'm pregnant (ignoring the fact that it shouldn't be a surprise because we were actively trying, but wasn't expecting the first month) a bit worried about the number of events we have coming up that normally involve drinking before 12 weeks.

Hen party in three weeks - only 6 of in a house, will be very difficult to hide that I'm not drinking. Help what do I do? Just fake it?

Holiday with our best couple friends in 3.5 weeks, to glorious wine country. I think I have to tell them, but then feel weird not telling my parents first.

Wedding in France, oh champagne reception how I'll miss you. And wedding when I'm a bridesmaid later in the summer and need to buy a dress asap.

And my own birthday party, ripe for people buying drinks and making sure you're topped up.

Yes I know this really isn't a priority but I'm trying to quieten my massively freaked out brain with the things I can control.

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nearlyspringyay · 25/04/2022 10:58

Congratulations! Honestly if you usually drink, 'being on antibiotics' or any of the other excuses are like taping a begin neon sign to you flashing "PREGGERS!!!".

Just tell them, assuming they're you're good friends.

SickAndTiredAgain · 25/04/2022 11:06

I'm not sure you can hide it on the holiday.

If people know you're trying you could say that you're cutting down on alcohol because of that, so because of a potential pregnancy, rather than an actual one?

Champagne toast - just pretend, then put your glass down, or swap with your partner. No one really pays attention to how quickly another wedding guest's glass is going down. Ask your partner to hold it while you nip to the loo, then just don't take it back - he can put it down somewhere or pretend it's his. Then just drink some sort of mocktail, or pretend your tonic has gin in it etc.

How pregnant will you be in the bridesmaid dress? If it's your first, you may not be showing so could go for a looser style and hope for the best? Obviously depends how much choice you have over the dress.

Favourodds · 25/04/2022 11:12

I just told people - "I'm pregnant but it's very early days so let's not talk about it too much". Everyone understands.

Sisisimone · 25/04/2022 11:25

Congratulations. You have a lot of lovely trips planned. I feel your pain as I got pregnant just before Xmas. I got away with a couple of nights out by saying I was on really strong antibiotics for a tooth infection. Xmas party I drank tonic water all night so everyone just assumed I was drinking shorts, my brother was there and cottoned on immediately but everyone else was none the wiser. I think you're going to have to tell the wine holiday friends. I ended up telling my mum and dad early too as there was no way I could have faked Xmas day.

SeaToSki · 25/04/2022 11:31

I would fill my glass with wine, do pretend sips and then switch with DH while no one was watching (we got quite good at being slick with this). The only hitch is you both have to agree to ‘drink’ the same at the beginning of the evening and DH has to be quite good at drinking!

Alternatively ask for a vodka tonic with no fruit and then dump it in the toilet and fill up with a sneaky bottle of tonic stashed in your handbag. You just need a larger handbag for those occasions and make sure it closes properly so the evidence doesnt roll out onto the floor!

The only I cant drink because …. excuse I have seen work is claiming to be hungover,

BBQbeef · 25/04/2022 11:57

I would definitely not bother with the anti-biotics thing. Nobody buys that, and if you're friends are anything like mine then being on AB's isn't a reason to not drink.
I'd try and go with the fake drinks as much as you can. My DH was making me cocktails at a party over easter. It was actually just ginger beer with some lemon zest chucked in but there was no reason for anyone to suspect that I wasn't drinking.
I get that you wouldn't want so many people to know so early. Could you maybe let on to one or two trusted people so they can be in on it with you. They can "top your wine up" or get you a class of champagne that's actually just a bottle of appletize or something (I have no idea if appletize resembles champagne 😂)

Pyri · 25/04/2022 12:00

nearlyspringyay · 25/04/2022 10:58

Congratulations! Honestly if you usually drink, 'being on antibiotics' or any of the other excuses are like taping a begin neon sign to you flashing "PREGGERS!!!".

Just tell them, assuming they're you're good friends.

Couldn’t agree more

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 25/04/2022 12:02

Congratulations OP!

I’d just tell the best couple friends - and even your parents too - obviously hoping it all goes well for you, but god forbid it didn’t, you’d want that support anyway.

We had to tell our parents as we found out very very early at 3 weeks, the same day we were travelling to an oyster and seafood all you can eat festival with them - no way I would have been able to disguise the fact I wasn’t eating anything!

SleepingStandingUp · 25/04/2022 12:06

If you don't want to tell anyone before your parents, tell you parents. It sounds like you're close so if anything did go wrong, presumably you'd want them around for support.

Same for friends. If we were close enough for a six person hen do (is it one of the later weddings you're going to?) I'd want them to know and I'd want their love if anything went wrong. So I'd tell them and holiday pals.

Agree at wedding just buy things like OJ in a tall glass or similar, swap toast drinks with DH (wetting your lips with it won't affect baby).

How far will you be by bridesmaid wedding?

Supersnot123 · 25/04/2022 12:07

I managed to hide it from people on one occasion by drinking "gin and Tonic". Except it was just Tonic - they thought I was just a super-attentive host as I insisted on fetching all our drinks all evening!

LolaJ87 · 25/04/2022 12:14

I told my immediate family and a couple of close friends pretty much as soon as I found out. I tend to be very open book and honest, and would want people in the loop if things didn't go to plan. It's not for everyone, but a lot of us are ill in the first trimester and it's much easier to be honest then trying to cover things up.

Original poster
Horriblewoman · 25/04/2022 13:15

Thank you!

The hen is for the wedding I'm bridesmaid at in July so in theory at the wedding will be 16 weeks or so, it's difficult to predict how giant I'll grow as it's my first.

I'm normally a pretty open book so suspect I'll send up blurting it out as it's easier than sneaking around and most people I'd tell I'd speak about anything going wrong so it's a safe group.

OP posts:
Sisisimone · 25/04/2022 15:45

I would definitely not bother with the anti-biotics thing. Nobody buys that, and if you're friends are anything like mine then being on AB's isn't a reason to not drink
You can't drink alcohol with the dental ABs or you'd be violently ill. My friends definitely bought it for that one night as we've laughed about it since. Mind you I never planned to have any children, dd was very much a surprise so I'm sure they would all have found it much more likely I needed a dose of ABs than I was pregnant 😂. Probably a different story if friends know you're trying for a baby, that would be a bit of a giveaway.

Ponderingwindow · 25/04/2022 15:52

I didn’t drink while ttc so it wasn’t a big deal that I wasn’t drinking. You could just tell them
you have decided to be ridiculously cautious.

the antibiotics thing is true. There are certain ones that even mouthwash will make you incredibly sick. But if you are 25-35 and tell anyone that you aren’t drinking because you are on antibiotics, everyone will assume it is code, even if you show them the nice scratch your cat have you.

Ihatethenewlook · 25/04/2022 15:54

I think you just need to tell people op. I couldn’t cope with the unnecessary stress of constantly sneaking around and trying to lie to your friends on so many events

Sunnyshoeshine · 25/04/2022 15:54

It wasn't the drinking that gave it away for me, but the constant morning sickness. Might not affect the hen, but if you are affected, sounds like it would the holiday. We told our parents after a 7week scan where we saw a heartbeat already (fertility treatment but you could get a private scan) and then if we had been in your shoes, i think i would have just told the friends. I ended up telling my boss at around 9 weeks as i was having to dive off calls to be sick into a bucket next to my desk 😳

SeaToSki · 26/04/2022 00:28

PP who said about getting a private scan to see the heartbeat had a good point. If you see a heart beat the chances of anything going wrong drop significantly, maybe you would be more comfortable sharing the news before the 12 week marker then?

Jupiter92 · 26/04/2022 01:28

As it’s your first, the chances are you won’t be showing by 16 weeks… I can’t guarantee though!
im 27 weeks and feel like I just started showing the last 2 weeks.

congratulations on your pregnancy!

Firsttimetrier · 26/04/2022 07:37

Congratulations!

It is definitely personal choice in when you tell people, but I found it so beneficial telling people before the 12 weeks for the support!

We told our parents and siblings at 7 weeks, close friends at 9 weeks after an early scan, then I told people like work etc from 13 weeks.

I felt awful during the first 13 weeks, so I couldn’t have hid my pregnancy if I even wanted to as I was so nauseous or dry heaving everywhere. Not to mention the tiredness and I just wanted to sleep all day, every day.

I did do a wedding, several Christmas parties or dinners without people knowing. I just spoke to the venue beforehand or bar staff/waiters to explain I was pregnant but not announced, so could they swap any alcoholic drinks to soft drinks if someone ordered for me, which they all did with no issues! so I advise trying that.

babyjellyfish · 26/04/2022 10:41

Don't draw any attention to the fact that you're not drinking by making up an excuse. Just don't drink. Up to you whether you want to try and fake it by pretending to drink, or just drink softs and tell anyone who asks that you're pregnant but it's early days.

A word of warning re the French wedding: in my experience alcohol is the least of your worries. I went to a French wedding when I was pregnant and all the canapes were raw or cured meat, foie gras, oysters etc. Got lucky with the main course which was chicken, but the cheese course was all soft and unpasteurised. Basically everything French people usually like to eat on special occasions such as weddings is on the banned list for pregnant women. Bring lots of snacks in your bag.

babyjellyfish · 26/04/2022 10:41

Don't draw any attention to the fact that you're not drinking by making up an excuse. Just don't drink. Up to you whether you want to try and fake it by pretending to drink, or just drink softs and tell anyone who asks that you're pregnant but it's early days.

A word of warning re the French wedding: in my experience alcohol is the least of your worries. I went to a French wedding when I was pregnant and all the canapes were raw or cured meat, foie gras, oysters etc. Got lucky with the main course which was chicken, but the cheese course was all soft and unpasteurised. Basically everything French people usually like to eat on special occasions such as weddings is on the banned list for pregnant women. Bring lots of snacks in your bag.

babyjellyfish · 26/04/2022 10:47

Don't draw any attention to the fact that you're not drinking by making up an excuse. Just don't drink. Up to you whether you want to try and fake it by pretending to drink, or just drink softs and tell anyone who asks that you're pregnant but it's early days.

A word of warning re the French wedding: in my experience alcohol is the least of your worries. I went to a French wedding when I was pregnant and all the canapes were raw or cured meat, foie gras, oysters etc. Got lucky with the main course which was chicken, but the cheese course was all soft and unpasteurised. Basically everything French people usually like to eat on special occasions such as weddings is on the banned list for pregnant women. Bring lots of snacks in your bag.

babyjellyfish · 26/04/2022 10:50

Don't draw any attention to the fact that you're not drinking by making up an excuse. Just don't drink. Up to you whether you want to try and fake it by pretending to drink, or just drink softs and tell anyone who asks that you're pregnant but it's early days.

A word of warning re the French wedding: in my experience alcohol is the least of your worries. I went to a French wedding when I was pregnant and all the canapes were raw or cured meat, foie gras, oysters etc. Got lucky with the main course which was chicken, but the cheese course was all soft and unpasteurised. Basically everything French people usually like to eat on special occasions such as weddings is on the banned list for pregnant women. Bring lots of snacks in your bag.

babyjellyfish · 26/04/2022 10:53

Don't draw any attention to the fact that you're not drinking by making up an excuse. Just don't drink. Up to you whether you want to try and fake it by pretending to drink, or just drink softs and tell anyone who asks that you're pregnant but it's early days.

A word of warning re the French wedding: in my experience alcohol is the least of your worries. I went to a French wedding when I was pregnant and all the canapes were raw or cured meat, foie gras, oysters etc. Got lucky with the main course which was chicken, but the cheese course was all soft and unpasteurised. Basically everything French people usually like to eat on special occasions such as weddings is on the banned list for pregnant women. Bring lots of snacks in your bag.

babyjellyfish · 26/04/2022 10:53

Oops, sorry for the multiple posts!