NCT classes and introverts

[AwkwardPaws27]

If you are an introvert, did you find NCT classes helpful?

I'm not sure whether to do them or not. Our NHS Trust still isn't running antenatal classes, I have some good books & have bought an online hypnobirthing course, but a lot of threads seem to say the main benefit of NCT classes is making "mum friends".

I'm pretty introverted and find socialising in groups exhausting. I'd much rather meet one friend for a coffee - and I have a couple of acquaintances who have babies or who are currently pregnant that I'm planning to go for a coffee with once I start mat leave in May.

I've also reached out to the local breastfeeding support group who meet weekly, & am considering booking a weekly class in something like baby massage or baby sensory to give me a bit more structure, so I'm not expecting to be totally isolated. I'm just not sure that NCT is for me so am a bit reticent to spend £270 on it...

I didn't regret not spending the money to make friends. I was planning to do as you suggest but the pandemic restrictions out paid to that 🤦 but you won't have that problem!

Secondary to the cost, the thought if sitting through an antenatal class with others really wasn't for me so I can't totally sympathise.

I am also somewhat introverted but have signed up for NCT simply because I don’t know anyone else who is currently pregnant or who will be on maternity leave at that time.
Even though I’m not a natural at socialising I’m hoping to meet a couple of other mums to be that I click with so have someone to meet up with who is going through the same thing.
However, as you have other friends who are currently pregnant it may not be necessary for you?

I’m an introvert but my partner isn’t, we did NCT classes (due next week), basically because they are the done thing, and were one of 8 couples so it wasn’t a huge group. I was worried about whether people would like me etc, for no real reason, and I think it’s gone well. The ‘girls’ and the ‘boys’ have separate WhatsApp groups and now the babies have started arriving they’re getting a bit livelier. We all went out for lunch after the last class which was nice.

There is a couple who are more introverted and they don’t really get involved so much, but they are always invited to.

Aside from the socialising element I did find NCT really useful for learning about pain relief methods, birth interventions, breastfeeding and it basically demystified everything and made me feel more confident, so I’m glad we did it. I thought it was pretty good value.

I think you have enough planned for socialising if you want to, but it is up to you! There are plenty of things that you can sign up to when baby is here and I’m planning on doing a few classes too.

*can totally sympathise 🤦

I'm quite a shy person - as others have said, i found the classes fine as i had DH there for support, and then once the babies arrived, i just dipped in and out of which meet ups i felt like joining. In my group, it wasn't like all 8 mums went out together every time. General activities or meet ups were planned and whoever was free just went along. It's been nice! I did baby massage, baby yoga, hartbeeps as well. NCT was just a nice extra to be able to swap messages at 2am when the babies were all up feeding.

I would strongly advise doing some antenatal classes other than online hypnobirthing - if NCT isn't your bag, then i think Bump and Baby do some online versions? I personally found the hypnobirthing classes to overwhelming focus on a "natural" labour - i felt NCT prepared me for what happens if things get a bit tricky eg. inductions, sections, birth emergencies etc. NCT also covers much more than just the labour and birth, but also a couple of sessions on caring for your newborn, tips and techniques such as swaddling, 5 Ss etc but maybe Bump and Baby is the same? I thought i was well prepared by reading my What to Expect book but NCT really added a lot of value for me.

We’re both quite introverted but enjoyed NCT. It’s a small group so it wasn’t bad speaking no in front of them, they don’t ask you to divulge anything personal and you’re prompted with your answers. A lot of our class was working in small groups so with one other couple. I think it all depends on your group though. Our group has a couple of people that would start the conversations and the more introverted ones dip in and out as they wish. It’s helpful because all the babies are in the same age range so you have people experiencing the same thing as you at the same time. I didn’t have anyone I knew who was expecting at the same time though, so the support was helpful. I really like our group and for us, it was worth the money.

I would say that classes have a range of baby ages - the baby massage class I went to had first and second time mums and babies were 4 weeks old to 8 months old. Some of the classes I’ve been to people aren’t necessarily looking to making friends, some come with their NCT friends and some are just looking to get out by themselves. I’ve not made any mum friends from any of the classes I’ve attended. I wouldn’t go in with the expectation of making mum friends at groups.

The content of NCT can vary by the course leader. Whilst ours went into the details of interventions and pain relief, we spent a long time going over massage that our partners could give us. That was a complete waste, I growled at my DH to fuck off when he offered me a massage during labour! The course content wasn’t valuable for me but the group was worth the cost.

I had my baby last year and the only classes were NCT classes. I like you wasn't sure I could justify the £300...

In the end I didn't do any classes. I YouTube loads of stuff so I was as prepared as I think I could be.

I am since doing classes with my baby, I enjoy the social side of it. I'm doing a couple of classes (age restricted) so all the babies are a similar age and its really good just to swap tips and experiences or talk about what went wrong etc. I am really shy, but one major thing is no one really cares what you look like, if you are dressed, if you've washed your hair as everyone is just there to have fun with their babies

I understand sharing experiences can be valuable but I think I'd be more likely to seek advice from books, evidence based studies, sources like the breastfeeding support network etc than from other first time mums. I don't think I'd feel qualified to offer advice to others either!

It's interesting that some people say NCT helped prepare them for all types of birth - I'd heard NCT was very natural birth focused - so will reconsider on that basis. I bought the Positive Birth Company hypnobirthing course as it seemed to cover all types of birth, not be too 'woo', and as someone with anxiety the breathing techniques and understanding the physiological process of birth felt helpful (I've also done a few seasons of lambing too which might help a bit ). Ultimately I've accepted that I have no real control over birth, baby's position and suchlike will dictate what happens on the day, but what I can try to manage is my reaction and response in the moment.

I can't decide. I'm not sure I'd know what to do with a group of mum friends and I can't really see DH getting involved with a "boys" WhatsApp group tbh. I can see having a group to reach out to at 2am being helpful though, so maybe I should do it for that.

@AwkwardPaws27 it sounds like you have all the info you need and a plan for being social with the baby so I wouldn't worry about it. I joined a different group to NCT and all it did was make me anxious about them saying everything is my choice and to be assertive in labour, when all I've had from professionals is we're going to do this and that to you and we wouldn't advise natural methods. So the conflict as been real turmoil for me. Plus my group was 12couples, I thought that would increase my chance of finding people I like but all it did was mean I didn't really get to know anyone, I don't even know half their names!
Go with your gut, if you're happy as you are, spend the £240 on something nice for you instead!

My neighbour said similar. She said everyone goes with someone so they stick together, she found it better just going afterwards with her baby as people were more willing to talk.

Can I suggest an online class with blossomantenatal
Much cheaper

Also look at the Baby Academy which is an Irish group and some of its free. They do online classes on specific topics on Saturday mornings and I found them really helpful. I did a breastfeeding one, baby care, first aid and they have others.

I found NCT terribly painful being an introvert, and in all fairness in the more extroverted members of the class found it a waste of money. If I could go back I 100% would have avoided signing up

I’m shy and find it hard to make friends but I 100% wish I’d booked NCT classes. Every baby class I’ve been to people have known each other from NCT and no one has bothered speaking to me so we’ve got no mum friends and as a result DD no baby friends.

I was just looking at these, thank you

I’m the same and I also take a really long time to get to know people. I’m glad I did it as you swap numbers and have a base of people you know. It took me such a long time to get to know them but so glad I did (as was a real introvert in baby groups too) and would have felt so I isolated. Also way easier to talk fo them all on WhatsApp. Honestly being a new mum can be so lonely.

I don’t think I would have been able to make friends through baby groups alone as you don’t really go for the first few months and it can be hard to talk.

I thought they were better than my hospitals online ones and better than the private course I did.

In terms of socialising, I've been on the Peanut app which is national but has lots of groups for individual towns and as well as May babies and I've found that more helpful than my antenatal groups whatsapp.

I don’t think groups are very easy to make friends at. NCT was much easier and the group socialising in ours was minimal. You won’t get on with everyone either (in terms of having much in common apart from babies). But the group chat was super useful in the early days. A couple of years on, I have one other mum I see regularly from it and for me that was worth it.

I think it’s well worth it, despite the actual classes
not being very good (partly due to being via zoom at the time). I’ve made two really good friends through NCT (we hang out as a 3) one of whom is extroverted and one of whom is introverted (I’m somewhere in between). Our WhatsApp group was full on when the babies were tiny, but now it’s relatively quiet and nobody would think twice about meeting up in smaller groups or individually, if that’s more your vibe. I may be in the minority but I’ve not made a single friend at baby/toddler groups. I enjoy them, but they are much harder to socialise at beyond pleasant chit chat. My only thought is, depending on when your baby is due, you might be too late to book if your maternity leave starts soon?

I’m an introvert and did NCT twice (different areas). I’m still friends with both groups of mums (a few from the first group have drifted off but 4 of us still meet for dinner regularly). I found it hard to make friends at baby groups - might have been the pandemic/ distancing, but everyone there was in groups of NCT friends/ not interested in chatting. I knew I’d be having a c section and most of the NCT content wouldn’t be relevant, but paying to meet people was worth it for the 2am support!

Deeply introverted here, and I found NCT helpful in terms of a peer-group / support group whilst our babies were young. We met up weekly, and it gradually petered out over a year or so. 20 years on, I have kept in touch with 2 people, and they have become very close friends.

I think I'm neither an introvert nor an extrovert, I'm in the middle. I didn't do them. It seemed like it was kind of expected but I just thought, fuck it, I can't be arsed. I'm glad I didn't do it, it just didn't appeal to me - I don't enjoy being herded in to a group scenario like that and I don't feel I lost out in any way. So, if you don't really want to, don't feel under pressure to do it, you'll be fine.

I'm in a Bump & Baby class now, just had my second session. I'm not a shy person but I am an introvert, and am generally much better off energy-wise in smaller groups, or 1:1. There are ten couples I think in my class, which isn't a large group per se, but is maybe too many people to connect easily? So, in terms of actually making friends, I don't know. Everyone seems really lovely, but I feel like it's quite a leap to move from pleasantries to actually meeting up independently of class. It's something I'd like though, so I'm going to have to make an effort there at some point and suggest something - I figure it'll be easier once babies are here! I'll jump at any offers the others make to hang out.