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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Gender disappointment / anxiety

12 replies

dancingqueen345 · 24/04/2022 17:39

Just looking for a bit of advice with how to handle comments and questions about the babies gender from my mum.

Ever since I told my mum she has openly said she hopes I have a boy, says when 'he' is born, even sometimes says Baby [name we've previously said we like].

My sibling has 2 boys and she is heavily involved with childcare for them (and will be with mine to enable me to go back to work too) and she's said things like oh but my house is all set up for a boy (I've pointed out that girls can be interested in astrology/dinosaurs too but that's another conversation), and she's also said that 'we only produce little boys in our family'.

It's giving me really bad anxiety because I was absolutely fine with having either a boy or girl when I found out, but now I feel like I am going to be unable to stop myself feeling a little bit disappointed if it's a girl because I feel like she's going to have to sort of work harder to be loved by my mum. I know that sounds so ridiculous.

I'm only 12 weeks so I'm a good few weeks off being able to do a private gender scan, but I'm tempted to do one of these DNA ones just to know, and either put these anxious feelings to bed, or else prepare myself for a disappointed face when I tell her. Although then I rob myself of a lovely moment at a future scan when my partner and I could find out together.

Arrrghhh god why can't people just keep their comments to themselves!!

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frenchie4002 · 24/04/2022 19:28

a family member has made similar comments to me about having a boy and we found out today it was a girl! We are over the moon. Haven’t told them the news yet but are dreading their negativity. You just have to remember that yours & your partner’s feelings come first and a healthy baby is all that matters. She will get over it and dote on baby when it arrives whether it’s a girl or boy!

Cakecakecheese · 24/04/2022 19:33

Your mum is acting like a child. In fact kids who want a cetain sex for a sibling probably act better. Don't let her ruin this time for you.

JollyWilloughby · 24/04/2022 19:35

Your mother is also incorrect, it’s the males sperm that decides the sex.

She sounds utterly ridiculous. Maybe she’s threatened you will have a daughter? She sounds dysfunctional and might be afraid you parenting a daughter will highlight just how bloody weird she is.

pbdr · 24/04/2022 19:59

Tell her exactly what you have said here.

dancingqueen345 · 24/04/2022 21:17

@frenchie4002 congratulations on your little girl!! Fingers crossed for us both that when It comes to actually telling them the whole desire for a boy disappears.

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dancingqueen345 · 24/04/2022 21:18

@JollyWilloughby I will definitely be telling her that if she says it again!!

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Maydaysoonenough · 24/04/2022 21:20

After 6 dgs's mil was quite ecstatic about the news a dd was on the way..
So much so she gifted me on her arrival...
Drum
Roll...
A Tefal frying pan..
Bet your dm will be happy regardless.. Don't over think it.

dancingqueen345 · 24/04/2022 21:21

@pbdr if I raise it with her she will make me feel ridiculous to even be bringing it up, and then probably spend the rest of the pregnancy telling everyone how precious I was, or being overly enthusiastic about how excited she is for her first granddaughter, which will just rile me even more Grin

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dancingqueen345 · 24/04/2022 21:23

To be honest I feel better having just written down how I feel here.

I'm not going to raise it with her. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt that it's a combination of me overthinking things due to the hormones and her just not really thinking through what she's saying.

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dancingqueen345 · 24/04/2022 21:24

@Maydaysoonenough lucky thing 🤣 I'd love a new tefal frying pan 😂

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Poppypip1 · 24/04/2022 22:21

When I was pregnant with my first, there were lots of boys in the family and no girls. Mil and sil kept saying if it's a boy I'm sending it back (weird thing to say) but it used to make me feel crappy and anxious.
we never found out the sex before birth and he was indeed a boy, who is now a teen. They both seem to love him.

people say such stupid things to pregnant people!

Im currently pregnant with my second boy, before we found out I kept getting the girl comments and I just used to say they'll be one of the other. It's not like I have any control over it!

Grumpyrainbow · 28/04/2022 10:29

This is so weird and annoying. Definitely something else going on here I think.

I deliberately wouldn't tell her! I'd refuse to, stating that she has made her preference very clear but without considering how that might make you feel if you have a girl. I'd be really stubborn and awkward about it while enjoying the experience of finding out privately with your partner.

It's so frustrating as none of us have a choice or influence anyway! Congratulations on your pregnancy Daffodil

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