Fear of Childbirth (second child)

[abcdefg2020]

Hi ladies, before I start getting negative comments I'm going to go ahead and say if you don't have anything nice to say please don't comment.

I am 4 and a half months postpartum, I found out 3/4 days ago that I'm 4 weeks pregnant.. now this is the month I did not want to get pregnant as it would mean I would be due in the same month as my first son... according to my last period I'm due 23rd December which isn't too bad as my son was born on the 2nd! We were more than happy if I were to get pregnant again so soon as we were planning on having our 2 close together ( we want 3 altogether but wanted to have the first 2 close together and if we decided we didn't want anymore then our 2 would grow up similar ages)

2 months ago I caught and miscarried (before I had a chance to decide if we were going to keep or not as I didn't feel ready at 8 weeks postpartum), my number 1 fear is labour ! I didn't have a difficult labour if anything it was easy, 1 hour and 12 minutes of established labour but it happened so fast and it was so intense that it kind of traumatised me... now I said that after that I didn't know what I would do if I was pregnant again as it's made me have a phobia of labour now. I can't stop thinking about my labour with my son and how much it hurt and how I felt like I was genuinely going to die. I'm so scared of a C-Section and now I'm scared of labour! Can I hear your labour positive stories please ?? Just something to see and try calm my nerves! I want this baby but I'm so so scared of labour

No judgement here OP. I was definitely in the position mentally to be pregnant again so soon after giving birth. Sorry about your MC, thats tough with such a young baby.

I am 5 weeks pregnant and have a 13 month old and can honestly say I was looking forward to the birth when TTC but now not so much. I had forgotten most of it but now it's all come flooding back. I felt quite traumatised too as it was covid and had to be induced and labour all night on my own. My waters went at 6am and was 10cm at 1pm but I had an epidural as I just couldn't cope with it. I really want to go into labour naturally this time and try hypnobirthing with positive affirmations. I think it will really help and I think it will help having my partner there next time.

Are you worried about 2 under 2? I'm slightly nervous as he has started to have massive tantrums and isn't even walking yet!

I don't think I'm too worried about 2 under 2, I know it'll be hard work but I just have to remember they're babies and don't understand their feelings so will become overwhelmed at time.

It's just the birth, I'm just so nervous as I too was induced. I had the pessary put in at 5am on 2nd December and by 1pm I was having period cramps, told I wasn't in labour and gave me paracetamol.. at 6-7 I was having 3/4 contractions in 10 minutes which some I felt and some I didn't feel at all. And hlf 8 my waters went and 9:42pm my son was born.. it wasn't difficult in the slightest bit more just hard to comprehend when it all went so quickly! My partner didn't even get to the hospital until 9:20 as he was sent home! Nearly missed his own sons birth because of the covid rules

@abcdefg2020 I feel the same. I'm so excited to have a little baby again but looking after both will be hard!

My labour was very similar. Pessary went in at 7pm and within 30 mins the pain started in my lower back. By midnight they had to take it out as I was contracting every minute for a minute but they told me I wasn't in labour and was only 2cm. I told them I needed pain relief and got paracetamol. It was along night lol. 6am midwife came in and asked to check baby and waters went there and then but she wasn't happy with how close I was contracting (could have told anyone that all night) so was transferred to labour ward and baby was here at 5.30

Forgot to say... how awful he almost missed the birth!!! Hopefully things will he different for everyone this time around!

It's so hard to not think about labour, my brain just won't stop.. I'm so scared for it to happen again. Hopefully I won't need to be induced again as I feel like that was why it was so quick

I can completely understand and also with you having just recently had your first the labour must still be so fresh in your mind. I was terrified of childbirth and something that helped me massively was reading a book called ‘effective birth preparation’ by Maggie Howell. It totally changed my mindset and it might help you.

First labour was awful, I was induced, baby stopped growing ended up with an assistant birth and I hated that I had an epidural when friends would say I didn’t even have gas and air. I was upset my birth plan never happened.

Then had second son and it was everything I wanted from my first birth. Laboured at home, wasn’t very painful. Went in and was already 7cm, got in the pool and had a lovely water birth. It honestly was so lovely and glad I got to heal some of those issues from my first birth. I think your body knows more what to do with the second. It’s done it before which is why they are normally quicker.

You got this!

If you’re scared of both a C section and going into labour then there isn’t much anyone can say to help you!

I had a VERY traumatic labour which resulted in a punctured spine which took three procedures to fix, 2L of blood loss and a third degree tear. It was hell. I then found out I was pregnant when my DD was a few months old. She’s now 11 months old and I’ll be having my C section on Wednesday. Because I was so traumatised of my first labour (I had CBT therapy which helped loads), I was dead set on having a C section. That alone has reassured me so much but if you don’t want a C section then I’m not sure what will help?

It sounds as if you didn’t have a traumatic labour but because of the intensity and how fast everything happened, it’s scared you for the next time. Maybe mention it to the GP and see if you can get some sessions of CBT therapy to help you with coping mechanisms etc? I’d also mention it to the midwife who can book you in for an appointment with a Consultant and maybe you can have a reassuring chat with them? Maybe even talk over a C section to see if that sounds reassuring to you? Best of luck

Go for a home birth, it might be more reassuring for you to know the midwife is ready to come and help as soon as you're in labour. The second is likely to be faster so you probably wouldn't enjoy the drive to hospital under time pressure. I'm sure you'll settle into the idea a bit noe over the next few months. Too late now but I'd certainly have given myself a bit more time, mine are 22 months apart and that was hard enough (but very easy birth of that's reassuring).

God I could have wrote this myself a few weeks ago. Labour with DD1 was so quick and I think my body went in to shock, DD2 was born just over a week ago and I was dreading it being the same but I had to be induced this time and it was much calmer and controlled, it was quick but things progressed much steadier, much nicer labour than my first, I'd go as far as saying I actually enjoyed it ha

I have no advice, but just to say it’s not stupid to feel this way at all. I had a precipitous labour (3h from having a stretch and sweep at 2cm to holding my baby- needless to say we didn’t get to hospital in time) and, like you I found it terrifying. I dread the thought of giving birth again.

Good luck for your pregnancy

Also agree with @Cherryblossoms85. I would definitely consider a home birth next time due to the speed of my first labour.

@abcdefg2020 you are not alone here. I had a very quick labour experience with my first. I think the actual intense labour was less than an hour start to finish, and my doctor stopped by after to warn my husband to watch for PTSD issues related to such a quick birth. She wasn't wrong to be honest. Currently pregnant with second child, and have frequent flashbacks to going through that. All my checkups are at that same hospital, and I get some anxiety just being back there. I'm half way through this pregnancy, and very worried about getting to the hospital in time, but not wanting to be there too long (because covid/general discomfort). When I got to the hospital with DD, I was 2cm and the nurse didn't think anything would happen for a very long time and was very dismissive. After an hour I sent my husband for help as the pain was really intense. They were very shocked when coming back, and they had to ask me to stop pushing (which I wasn't in control of) as the baby was almost out and they had to call the emergency delivery team in. Honestly, everything was fine in the end, but it was so fast and uncontrollable. From the get go, I couldn't time contractions so I had no way to gauge it. All I can really say is that I am sending positive hopes for you this time, and I think all we can really do is try to go to the hospital a bit earlier/vocalise "my last one was extremely fast" even if it feels like we are being annoying, and just hope for a healthy easy delivery. x

I totally understand your fears. I'm 35 weeks with surprise baby 3. First labour was a dream, water birth, relaxed, calm. No pain relief but totally managed.
Baby 2 was very fast. I went in at 3cm. They let me go in a bath in what i can only describe as a closet.. within mins I needed to push, baby's heart rate took a while to come back up so I had to get out, mid contractions.. he came out face against head.. and a whopping 10lb 3oz. Which did really traumatise me. So I vowed never again.

Fast forward nearly 3 years and I'm due imminently, with talk of induction at 38 weeks as I am growing a huge 10lb 5oz baby it has been playing on my mind. I'm trying to focus on the end result. Safely getting baby out.

You could speak to your midwife about your worries. Also read up on pain relief etc. So when the time comes you can request what you want early on xx

I have BPD and struggle really bad with anxiety in general which is why I think I'm panicking so much, with my first little boy I think it was the not knowing and not realising how bad labour actually hurts but now I know how bad it can be it's just freaking me out

I understand there isn't much someone can say but I can at least hear there stories wether it be a C-Section or a Natural Birth I could weigh my options up ...

Also about the age gap I always wanted to have 2/3 and the first 2 I wanted to be close together, although after having my son I was kinda traumatised and didn't want another which is why I was so freaked when I caught 8 weeks postpartum which ended in a early chemical miscarriage. I think I'm a lot more ready mentally for the pregnancy now but it's just the labour in general! It's crazy how I've already done it, pushed a whole human out but am terrified to do it again

I totally agree with the fact that it was soooo fast, my waters went at half 8, the contractions were honestly unbearable and I was SCREAMING the hospital down (my partner could hear me as he was coming into the labour ward) no time for any pain relief, no gas n air, no nothing as within 35/40 minutes of my waters going my body starting pushing already...

I was literally floored as well and ended up giving birth on labour room floor because I genuinely could not get off the floor, contractions were back to back constantly and it felt like I was stuck in this cycle and in between each contraction I just laid there, my partner got worried as I get zoning out between contractions ! It wasn't traumatic in terms of anything bad actually happening because when I tell people my labour they always say 'wish my labour was that quick' I think it was just the fact that my brain couldn't comprehend what was happening and the pains

There actually is things u can do to help all
Of this, you need to google Tokophobia, and take it from there. Speak to your midwife asap. I work in a Maternity theatre and this issue is as common now as it has ever been. Relatively new name for it, but it is filtering down as one of the reasons that women are being accepted for an elective c-section. If your midwife can't help much next point of contact has to be your obstetrician. Good luck and congratulations x

I[ve had primary tokophobia since my early twenties and didn't have any children because of it until just now, this year, when I[m in my late 30s. Giving birth vaginally has never been an option for me, so I opted for a c-section.

All I can say, OP, is don't be scared of c-sections. Mine was amazing. It was calm, quick, and painless. I saw the baby come out as they held her up, and it was magical.

The first day or two were quite sore but honestly nothing agonising. I get migraines, and my migraines are about a thousand, billion times more painful. The surgery pain was quite manageable, and I only needed Ibuprofen and Paracetamol for maybe two or three days. After that, I just took them on occasion. I was walking the same day, driving by two weeks, and I felt normal by four weeks. And I am an older, slightly obese parent who is not in the slightest bit fit."

Ill never understand why people are scared of c-sections. But that's just me!