Pregnancy in early 40s

[Oldermum43]

Anyone else had a late baby and struggled thru pregnancy first trimester? This is my third - big gap and second marriage. I’m so excited but I feel absolutely dreadful all the time. I’m currently 10 weeks. I’m trying to carry on life as usual but I’m really struggling - work, kids, commitments etc. My partner is an amazing man but I don’t think he gets it - we’re away with all his family atm and last night I broke down and said how knackered I was and how sick I feel etc. We had a big row and he reminded me that people in the Ukraine were going thru much worse. Absolutely true - it made me feel bad for moaning - but it’s not what I’m looking for atm. I didn’t feel like this with my previous pregnancies but I was much younger - just wondered if she plays a part in how rough the first trimester can be? I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this passes and I have an enjoyable 2nd trimester. Thanks for taking the time to read and please be gentle in responses ❤️ x

Hi OP - I didn't want to read and run. Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. Secondly, it's okay to admit your struggling. Pregnancy can be tough, especially in the first trimester. I don't think it's fair that your husband brought up the subject of Ukraine. I think maybe you should (if you haven't already) tried to talk to him again about how you're struggling and that you're absolutely knackered and wouldn't mind some help with things (not sure if your husband is already doing this). Remember to be kind to yourself and sending hugs your way OP x

That’s horrible for your partner to make that comparison I would have been really upset had my partner said that. I’m early 40s and pregnant too and it’s been a rough first trimester but mainly due to sickness. I’m on anti sickness pills that help a bit so do ask your GP is sickness is a problem. I go to bed at 7pm every night which helps with the tiredness. I actually feel less tired than with my last pregnancy but more unwell unfortunately!

That is nasty of your partner. He has no right to compare your reality to anyones. If you say you feel unwell he should respond to that. Are you sure he's the right person to have a baby with?

My partner used to be a 'worse problems in the world person' until I informed him that yes there are people in the world a million times worse off than me but I'm still allowed to be upset over whatever I like! If I want to cry because I burnt dinner then I will.

I’m 40 and not due til first week of December so will be nearly 41 and a half when this one comes. My son will be just 14 by then which is feeling like a heck of an age gap, that’s my biggest concern atm! Though I won’t be telling him for some time, after 12 week scan and checks etc. Not sick as yet which surprises me as it was dreadful last time but I’m so so tired, permanently exhausted so you’re definitely not the only one there.
I’d be telling your partner in no uncertain terms, you need to nip that attitude in the bud before you get resentful, which you’d have every right to be! That was a dick move to say that to you, at any time but especially now.
Hope you feel better soon

Not a very nice response from your partner, there will always be something worse happening in the world but that doesn't minimise how you are feeling!

I am late forties, 46 to be precise and am six weeks pregnant - to say I am exhausted is an understatement. Even talking seems a massive effort.

My partner is an amazing man

That's one of the most untrue statements I've ever read on here. He's fucking horrible, and he should be ashamed for saying something so dismissive and shockingly offensive. If this is the "support" you can expect from him, I have serious doubts about your relationship. It's things like this that show a person's true character.

@Aquamarine1029

My partner is an amazing man

That's one of the most untrue statements I've ever read on here. He's fucking horrible, and he should be ashamed for saying something so dismissive and shockingly offensive. If this is the "support" you can expect from him, I have serious doubts about your relationship. It's things like this that show a person's true character.

Lool I'm sorry but this is very dramatic

Congrats on the pregnancy. Commiserations on the partner.

I'm 39 and pregnancy with my 2nd 20 + 3 weeks just now and only beginning to slightly get over the tiredness (for it to start again 😂😂😂), men don't get being pregnant at all, if they had to birth children we would have all died out years ago 😂. Hope you're ok mama, I'm discovering pregnancy is a young persons game and I'm an old fart 😂 x

Reminding you of people suffering in Ukraine is an utterly stupid and quite callous way to minimise the way you are feeling.

First trimester can be very rough and your OH needs to pick his game up.

FWIW I’m 40 and pregnant with my 3rd. Feel less rough than I did with my 1st (born when I was 35) and my second (born when I was 38).

I’m 40 and 21 weeks pregnant with my 2nd (first DS was when I was 37). Definitely felt exhausted all the time. At 18 weeks I got covid too, which didn’t help but last 2 weeks I have finally felt like I have some energy back and not ready for bed at teatime. It will get easier x

@Shelly1812 I'm also 39. Last pregnancy was 21 years ago. I'm 19+2 and what you say about men not getting it is so true. My husband is great but he has no idea too

40 here and just over 20 weeks, I've got a seven year gap between pregnancies. First pregnancy the first trimester I was really tired, but otherwise fine, this time I had awful nausea, I'd tell myself that people with HG had It worse, but you can't minimise how you yourself are feeling, I'd love to know how guys would manage constantly feeling like you have a raging hangover all day, every day...

Sorry you're feeling crap and unsupported.

I’m 40 this year and 20 weeks pregnant with my first - so have nothing to compare it to. However, I’ve been exhausted throughout most of it. It’s supposed to be better in your second trimester but I’m not experiencing that, and also experiencing lots of aches, strains and discomfort. I am really feeling like this is a young person’s game! My husband is generally understanding but gets a little frustrated that I struggle to go on long walks now and tire so quickly when he’s still enjoying himself and doesn’t want to go home. I’m starting to worry about how I will cope in the third trimester and with the birth.