Left abusive partner worried about him having baby

[oasissummerfruits]

Hey everyone

I’m 30 weeks and a few weeks ago finally left my emotionally abusive partner. He treated me awful throughout this whole pregnancy - cheated on me a number of times (including with escorts), would give me silent treatment for days on end acting like I didn’t exist, stole jewellery from me, never paid his way with our rent and bills, and hasn’t bought the baby one thing yet.

He went straight back to living with his ex the same night he left our home, which I'm assuming was already lined up.

I know it’s a little way off but I’m worried about when my baby is here as I don’t want him being around her. This isn’t out of jealousy or spite, but he told me a lot about her during our relationship and she takes cocaine most nights, even while on her own with her 2 young children. She also does only fans. I’m not one to judge but when it would be affecting my child I certainly am and I don’t want him around that. Am I worrying over nothing? Or will he have rights to have him anywhere he wants?

I’m planning to breastfeed just so he has to stay with me for as long as possible. I’m not putting his name on the birth certificate or giving his surname as I’ve heard these can cause problems in the future. Am I being unreasonable by doing these things? I’m fortunate enough to have a well paid job and be in a position to look after myself and the baby so I don’t need anything from him, just scared of him having the baby especially around that. I’m just wondering what kind of rights he has?

Thank you

You are right to protect your baby. Not putting him on the birth certificate will limit his parental rights but if he wanted to he could to to court to try and get his name put on it.

Is he likely to spend time and money doing this or will he just leave you alone?

Sometimes it's better for a child to have no father than a father who is going to abuse them and be a bad influence on their life.

Hi @oasissummerfruits firstly will done for making that really difficult decision. I'm sorry you've experienced this. I assume you aren't married so he won't be on the birth certificate and therefore won't have automatic parental responsibility. He will need to apply to the courts to be granted parental responsibility.

I would make sure you tell someone now about the emotional abuse eg. Your midwife or doctor. Have it on record for future what's been happening which will help in future if needed

If I was that worried and still pregnant I might tell the father the child’s not his just saying… gets hard hat.

I would raise these concerns with your Midwife especially if there is the slightest chance he wants to be part of baby's life.
Drugs in the home he's living in etc is a safeguarding issue, she will likely log it with social care and they can offer you guidance and support.
He sounds like a waste of space tbh, hope you and baby can move forward without him x

Speak to the professionals op make them aware of your concerns from day 1

Register the nipper on your own. Leave the father part blank. Move away.

Completely understand you not wanting the baby around someone who is taking drugs but I don’t understand how her having an only fans page is a concern of yours. If she flogs a few pics of herself online it doesn’t make her a paedophile or mean she will be doing it in front of your child?

Don't tell him when the baby is born. Move if you can. Stay off social media. Wait for him to come to you.