2nd pregnancy and having regrets

[2ndbabywoes]

I've NC'd because I'm on a Facebook group that has originated from MN and I don't feel comfortable to share this with anyone on there.

I don't need people giving me a hard time for having doubts, I know I'm incredibly luck to be pregnant. And I know long term I'll be happy and love this baby. But I just need a safe space to share my feelings.

2nd baby, planned. First DD is 22 months old. I'm looking forward to having a second DC and completing our family / DD having a sibling / having 2 DC growing up and being around them.

But I can't shake this feeling of regret. I took a while to get used to having DD1 (although also planned and wanted), and I feel like I've just never settled into being a mum properly. I love her, but I'm just not a maternal person. I love my own space and company and I love being lazy and having nothing to do. I like sleep and being in bed, and not having to get up. Obviously this rarely happens now.

So why did I decide to have another child?! I think partly because I'm only 12weeks and still feel so shit and sick it's hard to be excited and happy.

But I'm worried that DD1 will show a lot of jealousy. I'm worried I'll find juggling 2 children hard. I feel like I'm now another couple of years away from getting my quiet life back.

I don't know, can't really explain it but just not feeling excited and that overwhelming feeling of "love" that I think I should feel.

I also want to add that there are some things I'm really looking forward to - watching the new baby grow and develop and milestones etc. But I think I'm just sad for the loss of my current life with just DD and having time to myself when I can. All of that will change and disappear and she won't get the attention she currently does.

I'm bumping this because I can't see it active in the pregnancy board and wondering where it had gone!

Completely normal, I felt the same. I think it's because the first trimester is so shit and I know DD was playing up around the same time so I was thinking wtf am I doing! It changed within a few weeks

Thanks for replying @mummyh2016 how old was your DD when your 2nd was born?

I can really understand feeling this, especially at 12 weeks. I find it's impossible to imagine a new person in the family until they arrive, then it just all makes sense.

I also want to add that one of the greatest joys of my entire life is seeing the love our children have for each other, it's pure magic! (I mean they fight too of course 🤪) but you have all this to look forward to.

I hope things start to feel better for you soon

This is EXACTLY how I feel. I remember buying the test thinking, if I'm pregnant then we're very lucky, but if I'm not then perhaps I'm not as ready as I thought I'd be.

I am so scared and that is overpowering all excitement. I am trying to tell myself that it's been done so many times before and everything does work out.

I think a massive part is that we know what's coming - the sleepless nights, the hormones, the feeds. And this time all with a toddler. But I think perhaps we're not giving ourselves credit for 1. How strong we are and 2. How we know a lot more now than we did the first time.

@ablisha you've hit the nail on the head there - I just can't get excited when I know all the hard stuff that's coming. And I have it stuck in my head that this time the baby is due October / a winter baby with night wakes and being cold getting out of bed etc is going to be awful. Trying to find things to do with my toddler and the baby over winter is going to be hard - she just loves being outside but not really suitable for a new born when it's freezing and I'd rather have just sat at home with newborn etc. I can only think of the challenges and negatives.

Im hoping this leads me to @headspin10 position of seeing the love between siblings. I have friends with this age gap and some of their children are wonderful together.

I know it's what I want long term, I just feel like I want to skip the first 2 years, which makes me feel utterly awful for thinking it. And then I beat myself up about this and think I don't deserve to be a mum.

I had my first scan this week and it was amazing to see the baby bouncing around... but I want them to stay there and not appear in real life!

We got through it before @2ndbabywoes 🤞🏼 and I'm also trying to tell myself that DS will be another 6 months older by the time I have the baby.

@ablisha

We got through it before *@2ndbabywoes* 🤞🏼 and I'm also trying to tell myself that DS will be another 6 months older by the time I have the baby.

This is so true. We did get through it, I currently am back to a good life balance and happy, and I'll be back in this place again. And yes, another 6 months is a big difference.

I love my own space and company and I love being lazy and having nothing to do. I like sleep and being in bed, and not having to get up. Obviously this rarely happens now.

Oh god, you're me

I am pregnant with 2nd and DS is now six. V different cos he's more independent, but one thing I would say to you is to really, really not underestimate the hassles that come with having an only. (which my son has been till now!) I come from a large family and never appreciated how much we entertained each other until I had to be my son's only entertainment for a lot of the time which for a solitary introverted person is haaard even though I love my son's company. (Especially as being very scheduled with lots of activities to get him too and other people's kids in the house is something I really bloody hate too, since we're being honest on this thread lol.) Obviously more kids is harder in different ways, but you might get chunks of your quiet time back faster with two to play with each other than if it was just you and your DD. In some ways it's a really practical choice. You definitely shouldn't feel bad for feeling this way. I've been trying for second for ages and at times still can't believe I'm voluntarily entering the baby years again. Wish you all the best!

*get him to

@2ndbabywoes I posted this a little while ago and found it a little reassuring 2 year age gap! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/4508038-2-year-age-gap

[quote ablisha]@2ndbabywoes I posted this a little while ago and found it a little reassuring 2 year age gap! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/4508038-2-year-age-gap[/quote]
Thanks for this, a good & positive read :)