Pregnancy with Borderline Personality Disorder

[ShiningStar1990]

Hi to anyone reading this...

Long story short... I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 18 months ago. I currently have a 4 year old daughter and a loving partner. I have recently found out I am pregnant, which was a huge surprise as my partner has been clamped down below so there is a 10% chance of conceiving.

Anyway with my mental health I struggle with my past traumas, previous relationships, I am quite an OTT Mum to my daughter, always ensuring she knows she is loved, I will go above and beyond for her as I guess I didn't have the same in my childhood so want her to have what I didn't.
I am struggling mentally at the moment. I'm obviously struggling with early pregnancy symptoms, exhaustion being the worst right now and it's massively playing with my MH. I am worried I won't love my baby, will my daughter be affected and not feel loved, what if having a baby affects me so bad mentally that I struggle to also take care of my daughter, will I then resent the baby. So much is going through my mind at the moment and I'm really beating myself up over it.
Please anyone who has been through the same, going through the same, provide me with some words of wisdom, advice, anything to help settle my mind. The anxiety is beginning to take over and I just want to live a normal life without the BPD constantly ruling my life. X

I also have BPD but mine is asymptomatic because of extensive therapy. Have you been referred to perinatal mental health services? If not that would be your first step - they can help you with your presenting issues, and as far as I know they take BPD seriously.

I would also speak to them about DBT therapy - if not perinatal services then GP or other health professionals - because it was DBT that really helped me get my symptoms under control. Before that I was literally a walking disaster.

Hi, I'm currently pregnant and have bpd. I'm also very tired so not sure how coherent this will be.

My advice would be to reach out as soon as possible to midwives etc and get put on the waiting list for mental health help (don't get me wrong, I've been on the list for 21 weeks and haven't yet had a first meeting but at least I know I'm on the list). They can also give you emergency numbers if you need to chat through the overwhelming feelings you can get. I found that the lack of sleep right after having my first born really triggered me and I wasn't able to manage myself so before I even got discharged from hospital I made them refer me to the team that deals with post natal depression etc. It's not exactly what I needed but having some form of support system around me helped more than feeling abandoned.

I don't know how much you know about how your bpd affects you. For me I did a lot of reading and have spent the time working on identifying my triggers and also what affects me being unable to control myself as well. So for me feeling invalidated/not listened to/abandoned etc are the biggest triggers and I have spent a lot of time talking through with the people close to me how this makes me feel and how best to approach me and deal with the situation once I start spiralling. I find that I can't be as conscious of where my head is (and so think things over and prevent issues before they become huge) if I am very tired or very hungry. While I can't prevent being tired after my new baby is here I am planning on how to at least make sure I regularly eat to keep that from being an issue. Don't get me wrong I am terrified of the period after giving birth, the first six months of my kids life were the hardest ever on me mentally. At one point I actually thought I needed to get admitted somewhere but I know they put your baby in with you and I just wanted to be as far away from my kid as possible so didn't seek that help (at that point, very much recovered from that now).

It's easier said than done but I try to just accept my thoughts for what they are, I literally do not have the energy right now to beat myself up about my thoughts. So I just acknowledge them and try to talk through them with someone. Don't get me wrong my life would be very different without such a great support system around me. Sure I am scared that I'll struggle as much or more as last time, or it'll affect my feelings towards my current kid, but I just acknowledge those feelings and think what I can do in advance to help.

Sorry this is a tired barrage of words more than wisdom. It's just really hard having BPD, and then being pregnant etc, I do feel for you