Young and broody

[duckie3]

I'm in my early early twenties and have noticed recently that I'm starting to feel a lot more maternal towards younger children. I'm in absolutely no position to have a child yet, and yet I'm starting to feel ready?! I trust that it's all just hormones but definitely having to stop myself yearning after being a mother!
Has anyone else experienced this in their late teenage years or early twenties?

I had a baby in my mid twenties because I was bored at work, and was married, so it seemed to be the next thing to do. I don’t regret him one bit, but looking back I wish I’d saved money and travelled further afield before getting pregnant.
I also wish I’d secured a nursery/school friendly part time job, instead of having to become a SAHM.

I did feel this from 21 onwards, now 24 and have my baby. But I'm married, we own our own house and both have established child friendly secure careers! So now advice I'm afraid but its 100% normal

Yes I was like this from about 15. I had a baby after a one stand when I was 20 and I know it's not the right decision for everyone and wouldn't advise it, but it was the right thing for me. I went on to have 4 kids in my 20s. They're to 3 different men, the last one I'm married to and we have a happy blended family.

I'm in absolutely no position to have a child yet, and yet I'm starting to feel ready

Use this a driver to get "ready" (there's not a perfect time to have a baby, of course, but some situations will be more feasible/less stressful than others).

I knew I wanted to get on the property ladder before having kids, for example, as we'd had unstable rentals during my teens, so I had a goal of buying a flat by 25 (we actually moved in 2 months after my 25th birthday). It gave me a reason to keep saving when many of my peers were spending £££ on nights out, trips to Ibiza etc.

I married DH first too as I wanted that extra security; he is the higher earner & I'm planning to drop to 4 days a week when baby arrives. I also considered mat leave when choosing my employer - I made a beeline for the civil service due to good mat pay & family friendly working.

Yes! I was desperate for a baby at 20 and being young and naive followed through with that urge and don’t get me wrong I now have an absolutely wonderful 7 year old son who I adore but not thinking the decision through and being impulsive resulted in having a baby with my then boyfriend who turned out to be abusive and made life a misery. I then spent the next 3 years truly struggling as a single mum in a horrible mouldy house with no money and people knocking on the door demanding money I didn’t have. I’m
28 now engaged to a wonderful man with an almost 2 year old daughter and another baby on the way, I can tell you circumstances when having a baby make a huge difference and I’ve never felt so lucky in my life, but I caused myself to go through some really hard times to get here because I was in a rush to grow up and have a family.

A long winded way of saying get your ducks in a row first because although a baby is a blessing it’s much better to wait untill the right time comes ❤️

Listen to your head rather than your heart.

Spend the next few years preparing - get a good job and housing, and above all, choose your baby's father wisely.

What everyone else said. I gave into that urge by playing fast and loose with contraception when I was 19, and in hindsight I wish I'd done some things first

Completed my education
Built up some work experience
Been with my boyfriend much longer and really considered whether he'd be a good dad and a good co-parent (spoiler: He was neither) or dated a bit more, kissed a few more frogs.
Built up some savings
Maybe got on the housing ladder?? This felt impossible at 19, but TBH it's even more impossible with children, and I should have just been patient.

I was stuck in a kind of poverty mindset whereas actually I just made it so much more difficult to get out of poverty And I was stuck in a mindset of "most blokes are shit so this one will do and if he can't hack it I'll do it alone"... and I did and it was fine, but having later got together with DH my experiences of men at that age were SO limited and I made assumptions about relationships that really weren't true.

DS1 is OK, and we are OK, but our lives have been more difficult than they needed to be because I didn't have those things in place before having children, and waiting really wouldn't have been that bad. It was also quite hard to fit in with groups of mums, I was desperate to be in the "mum club" and I love being in it, but it was hard as a 20 year old because most of the other 20 year old mums were very different to me, and the mums sharing my attitudes were in their 30s and their lifestyles were very different to mine, so I was out of place everywhere. This has been easier with my younger kids who I had later on.

Do you have a family history of abandonment/rejection or feeling unloved by one or both parents? That can cause an overwhelming urge to "create your own family" but it is still very much easier to do so when you have a more stable base. But be careful because it can also lead you into unequal or codependent relationships. It is worth understanding how these dynamics work if you want to create a family.

I would probably not have recognised this in myself at the time but in hindsight, my dad was quite on/off during my childhood and particularly after I became an adult, and I probably did experience that as rejection, even though we had a good enough relationship when I saw him.

@BertieBotts

Do you have a family history of abandonment/rejection or feeling unloved by one or both parents? That can cause an overwhelming urge to "create your own family" but it is still very much easier to do so when you have a more stable base. But be careful because it can also lead you into unequal or codependent relationships. It is worth understanding how these dynamics work if you want to create a family.

I would probably not have recognised this in myself at the time but in hindsight, my dad was quite on/off during my childhood and particularly after I became an adult, and I probably did experience that as rejection, even though we had a good enough relationship when I saw him.

Ahhh I did go away to boarding school for all my teenage years which in retrospect didn't suit my needs at all.

And thanks everyone! ❤️ I don't even have a current partner and I do have 3 very young siblings so I have witnessed how hard it can be! Just looking for people who have experienced something similar I guess as I've never even considered children before a couple of months ago! Am excited to be a mummy but now just isn't the time for me.

@BertieBotts

Do you have a family history of abandonment/rejection or feeling unloved by one or both parents? That can cause an overwhelming urge to "create your own family" but it is still very much easier to do so when you have a more stable base. But be careful because it can also lead you into unequal or codependent relationships. It is worth understanding how these dynamics work if you want to create a family.

I would probably not have recognised this in myself at the time but in hindsight, my dad was quite on/off during my childhood and particularly after I became an adult, and I probably did experience that as rejection, even though we had a good enough relationship when I saw him.

Totally agree, my dad left when I was 1 and I had a nice step dad but always felt second fiddle to my sister his bio daughter, not from his side but his family, and I was the oldest of my mums 3 daughters and always felt like the scape goat she would always show her distaste for my red hair to other adults and I was always naughty and ungrateful in her eyes even though she only used me as a house keeper rather than a daughter, looking back I rushed into having my own children because I didn’t want to be a child anymore or live in her house, I also wanted to be the mother I wish she’d have been.