Hi all, sorry in advance for the long post. I don’t want to ramble but also don’t want to drip feed.
My first baby is due in August and I know it may seem odd in the scheme of things but something that’s quite high on my worries list is visitors after the baby is born. I don’t enjoy overnight adult visitors all that much now but it’s part of life, especially as we’re a bit of a drive away from most family and friends, and I know it’s very much a me problem.
My parents are dead, so when it comes to people who’ll want to/should see the new baby for more than a few hours just leaves partner’s parents & close family, so 4 including a sibling and uncle. This so the first grandchild. They sometimes visit as a 4, sometimes individually. They are all nice people.
They also live about 5/6 hours away by car so popping over for an hour or so isn’t an option. The Mum and Dad are separated (can’t share a room/don’t live together), ageing, but get on well.
As the subject of visiting is something that can already cause tension between my partner and I (my fault I know), I’d like advice on what would be considered ‘fair’ boundaries to set. I don’t want to be a shrew but I don’t want to put my needs second just to avoid upsetting anyone.
We have 2 spare rooms, in my view this means maximum 2 people or 2 couples can stay at any one time (we’ve had 4 individuals stay before I was pregnant, hated it but put up with it as they’d travelled and hotels were out of budget). I will also be breastfeeding hopefully and all the other things that come with giving birth I’m sure I don’t need to describe here. My partner works full time, is self employed so doesn’t get paternity leave, but will take off as much time as we can afford when the baby is born. We also have a dog, who’ll be 15 months old at the time, if that’s relevant I don’t know.
How long is long enough to invite them to stay during the first month/s? 2 nights? More if they want to put themselves up in an Airbnb/hotel so they’re not in my hair? Am I being fair if I say to my partner that I only want 2 visitors max over a weekend, and they absolutely have to pull their weight while they’re here, no questions asked? So replace anything they use like milk, clean up after themselves, let the dog out to pee etc., maybe even run the vacuum round (last one may be a bit cheeky…?). Is there a minimum amount of time it’s reasonable to ask people to wait before they come to visit if they’re going to be staying in my home?
Or am I being ridiculous and asking for too much? I really would like outside input before the conversation happens (appreciate it may be a while but again it’s causing me to worry) as I don’t want to be out of order in my expectations.
Thanks for reading if you got this far! 