6 weeks pregnant after recurrent miscarriage - severe anxiety

[WishingWaiting]

Hi everyone. After a tough 4 years of TTC, 8 IVF transfers and 6 early miscarriages, I am 6 weeks pregnant with an unexpected, naturally conceived pregnancy. The last 2 weeks have been a rollercoaster - at 5 weeks we were told that the pregnancy wasn't viable as my HCG wasn't doubling fast enough - but three days later it had rallied, and we had a scan showing everything was normal at 5+5 (2 days ago). All my previous losses have been at 5 weeks, so this is the furthest we have ever got. I'm on a complex immune protocol.

My anxiety is through the roof - I'm obsessing about the fact I don't have morning sickness, about the fact that my tender boobs come and go, about what I'm eating/doing/thinking/feeling, about the fact that the gestational sac was on the small side (although the sonographer was generally happy with how things looked), about missed miscarriages... We're meant to be going to Portugal Monday-Friday next week but I'm thinking of cancelling it because I feel like I need to be near the hospital. Our next scan is in a couple of weeks.

Can anyone offer any comfort/advice/commiseration? I'm going to be a quivering wreck if I carry on like this...

Just try and distract yourself. Limit your time googling. Be kind to yourself and get some projects happening. No amount of worrying is going to change anything. Maybe some extra scans will give you temporary peace of mind. They helped me. You've been on a hell of a journey. I really hope this all works out for you. My family said to me to manage my expectations. That helped me a bit. I just tried to forget I was pregnant was is nearly impossible tbf.

Can you book a private scan, I had mine at 7 weeks? I understand the anxiety.

Oh, this is so difficult. In my experience, nothing anyone says is going to make it better and you probably just have to resign yourself to being a complete wreck until 12 weeks (and beyond...).

I just tried to pretend I wasn't pregnant. Didn't take a test, no extra scans, went to the gym and accidentally dropped a barbell on my stomach (that helped the anxiety 👌🏻) and just walked around pretending everything was fine and I wasn't absolutely terrified.

Go to Portugal though. I mean this with so much love but the die is cast, good outcome, shit outcome, your proximity to the hospital isn't going to change that.

Sending you so much strength X

Also. Be aware that anxiety is so insidious that it stops you doing the very things that help you. Go to Portugal! You need to be really kind to yourself.

I read somewhere, and it really helped me after multiple miscarriages and being pregnant again, that the destination will be the same regardless. You can walk down a path of hope or you can crawl down a path of what ifs and despair. The outcome will be the same but the journey will be different. I tried to embrace this as much as possible. It is tough though. look after yourself and as pp have said, stay away from Google.

Thank you all so much @Raindrops2015 @nearlyspringyay @Lijay1@Favourodds. Your advice, wisdom and kindness has really helped me today - I really needed it. It helps so much to know that others get it. The advice that the die is cast is strangely comforting - I have to try and let go of control - which is hard.

I’m going to Portugal! Can’t promise myself I will be totally anxiety free but when I’m feeling worried I’ll come back to your messages. I’ve got a 7-week scan when I come back so we’ll see what that brings.

Thank you all so much again ❤️❤️❤️

Oh.. I totally get it. I'm so sorry for your losses. And congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have also had years of IVF - several miscarriages and I'm now pregnant. Because I had several miscarriages (latest being 11 weeks) I had tests which showed an issue with my blood so I'm now on aspirin and Clexane injections daily.

The anxiety I've had in this pregnancy has been awful. Truly awful.
However, the hospital referred me to the recurrent miscarriage team so I've had scans every 2 weeks.
I also had a private scan and will be having another in a few weeks.

I did get a book called Pregnancy after loss by Zoe Clark Coates which guides you through each week.
I know it's really hard and when I was at your stage of pregnancy I was analysing everything. I was convinced I'd miscarried because I wasn't being sick. I kept phoning the hospital and the fertility clinic.

No advice helped me at the time. It's a case of taking things one day at a time.
If you can try to do some things to help relax you. I listened to some relaxing pregnancy audio/videos on YouTube which helped me sleep better. I still have anxiety now and I'm 25 weeks but it's not as bad as it was. But it's definitely still there.
I hope that because of your previous losses they will offer you more scans and support.

@willieverlearn100 I’m so sorry I’ve only just seen your lovely message. Huge congratulations on your pregnancy but also I’m so sorry you’ve struggled with anxiety. It’s very difficult to always be feeling worried when most people just feel happiness.

My IVF clinic has been very supportive. I’m actually on the bus to my 7-week scan now - if that goes well, I’ll be under the care/watchful eye of a consultant at my local hospital as I’m so high risk.

Thank you so much for your empathy and sharing your experience. Wishing you lots of happiness and a pregnancy that is as anxiety-free as possible xx

Good luck for your scan @WishingWaiting

@Lijay1 thank you ❤️

@WishingWaiting let us know how you get on.

I have my 12 week scan today and I'm a nervous wreck!! I envy anyone who sits in the waiting room naive to loss and bad news.

Thinking of you @Lijay1! Really hope it went well 💕

@WishingWaiting thank you! It went well ☺️ never got this far before!

How was yours?

@Lijay1 that’s wonderful - so happy for you!

Ours went well too - measuring a bit behind but the sonographer and nurses didn’t seem worried (they think I might have had late implantation) - and most importantly we saw a heartbeat which we have never seen before 😊

@WishingWaiting yay! That's great news, I'm so happy for you ☺️ I hope it's helped some of your anxiety until the next scan!