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Original poster

How to tell my partner I’m pregnant, and I don’t mean in a cute way.

14 replies

FerminaDaza101 · 27/03/2022 22:02

Hi all,

I’m alone at home (partner away with work) and today I just instinctively felt like I should take a pregnancy test - a smell on the bus made me feel nauseous and I’ve had a weird kind of stretching pain inside. Anyway, I’ve done three tests, all have come back positive, digital one saying 2 weeks. I’m bloody pregnant. The issue is, I’m not sure how my partner will react - this isn’t planned, although obviously we haven’t been careful and must on some level have understood that this was a possibility. I’m 40 and he’s 43 so I got complacent, part of me probably
believing that all my eggs had spontaneously combusted at 35 as per popular myth.

I guess I’m also feeling guilty that I found out while he’s away and have seriously considered telling him on the phone but my instinct says this is a conversation that should be face to face? Maybe it would be different if we were actively trying, but we weren’t. I’m still working out how I feel and obviously it’s early days, but I don’t think I’m considering not going through with it.

My worry is that I will have decided how I feel about it by the time he comes back and he’ll have to go through the shock/confusion etc on his own, and also that his response (as yet unknown) will hurt my feelings.

Has anyone else experienced getting a Positive result whilst alone? I’m desperate to talk about it with someone and my partner isn’t home for 3 weeks, and I don’t feel like I should tell anyone else first. Strangers on the internet notwithstanding of course Grin

Any advice or tips appreciated!

OP posts:
Boating123 · 27/03/2022 22:12

I don't think I would keep it a secret for 3 weeks. I would tell him the day before he has time off work while he is away. He must be having the odd day off.
Definitely do it over the phone rather than text or email.
Maybe say something towards the end of the call, rather than the beginning.
I would say something unoriginal like -
There is something I should probably tell you...I'm pregnant.

He probably will need a bit of time to get used to the idea.

PaperDoves · 27/03/2022 22:16

Completely agree with the first poster. Tell him soon, don't wait three weeks! It's not ideal but far better than keeping such a huge secret for so long, plus you'll be three weeks further along in dealing with your feelings and he'll be so far behind you emotionally. It may be a blessing in disguise, he'll have plenty of time on his own to process his own thoughts and feelings, which isn't a bad thing.

Smartiepants79 · 27/03/2022 22:17

FaceTime or similar?
If you’ve got any concerns at all about keeping this pregnancy or his reaction I think you need to tell him sooner rather than later.

PaperDoves · 27/03/2022 22:19

Meant to add, I told my partner I was pregnant while I was away for a month in a completely different country. Didn't even occur to me to wait to tell him in person! We were both surprised at how excited he was. But don't be put off if he's not instantly excited, it's huge news and people can initially react in a wide range of ways. He might need time to process.

dollymuchymuchness · 27/03/2022 22:19

What’s the difference between having unprotected sex and actively trying? Asking for a friend.

mumof1or2 · 27/03/2022 22:22

@dollymuchymuchness

What’s the difference between having unprotected sex and actively trying? Asking for a friend.
Working out when you're ovulating and consciously having sex around that time vs having sex whenever you feel like it whilst not using protection would be my answer to that 🤷🏻‍♀️
DaffTheDoggo · 27/03/2022 22:26

I would try to see this time as a positive- a time for you to take as long as you need to process this and think about the options before you speak to your partner. Which might be less than 3 weeks- that’s up to you.

Poppop4 · 27/03/2022 22:30

I told my partner I was pregnant over the phone. I didn’t want to but I’d found out that day and he was picking his friend up and bringing him to our house that day. I asked him not to being the friend and he was just very pushy wanting to know why getting annoyed at me. Then I said I wanted a chat with him and he was panicking asking who had died so I just blurted it out. He said, ok I’ll come home alone.
I was really shocked I was pregnant and really emotionally I couldn’t have even waited one day to tell him.
He took it well, better than I did actually x

Original poster
FerminaDaza101 · 27/03/2022 22:37

@dollymuchymuchness

What’s the difference between having unprotected sex and actively trying? Asking for a friend.
Using contraception but occasionally relying on withdrawal (being complacent as admitted in the original post) and yes as mumof1or2 says not tracking ovulation or anything.

I hope your friend gets the support she needs Smile

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 27/03/2022 22:39

I wouldn't wait three weeks but I also wouldn't do it on a phone call.
Personally, if I were in your situation, I'd video call so you can at least see each other and let him know.

Original poster
FerminaDaza101 · 27/03/2022 22:39

@Poppop4

I told my partner I was pregnant over the phone. I didn’t want to but I’d found out that day and he was picking his friend up and bringing him to our house that day. I asked him not to being the friend and he was just very pushy wanting to know why getting annoyed at me. Then I said I wanted a chat with him and he was panicking asking who had died so I just blurted it out. He said, ok I’ll come home alone. I was really shocked I was pregnant and really emotionally I couldn’t have even waited one day to tell him. He took it well, better than I did actually x
This really helps! Reminds me that telling him is just one moment and what really matters is everything that comes after
OP posts:
Original poster
FerminaDaza101 · 27/03/2022 22:41

Thanks everyone for your comments! I feel much less alone now. Looks like I’ll be having an interesting FaceTime tomorrow night Xxx

OP posts:
USaYwHatNow · 27/03/2022 22:42

My husband is military and I had to tell him over facetime or I'd be waiting until my 12 week scan 😂 (now 15 weeks pregnant). We were in slightly different circumstances in that we lost a baby last year and were actively trying, so although not a shock it was a lovely surprise, and he was grateful I didn't wait to tell him!

sykadelic · 27/03/2022 22:44

I tested positive on April Fools day! I only tested because I was sick and I wanted to make sure I wasn't pregnant before getting meds (we were trying but it'd been 18 months so... I didn't expect the positive!)

My husband was at a friends house for HOURS. I told him as soon as he got home. If he'd been gone for weeks I'd've told him over the phone.

It really depends what he's away for. If he's away for work I'd tell him. If he's dealing with a family situation then I'd wait. If he's taking a long-awaited vacation, I'd wait... Only you know for sure what kind of person he is.

I would try and find the time to Facetime or Skype, or FB msngr or whatever so it's a video conversation and tell him. I feel like him having this time alone to process it would be good for him, but conversely he might be the kind of person to prefer to sit with you and talk...

Either way, CONGRATS!

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