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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Advice needed

13 replies

kayls22 · 18/03/2022 20:10

Hi everyone, looking for some advice, I am currently pregnant with baby number 3… (early days) I have a girl who is 3 and a little boy who has just turned 1.
My husband really didn’t/doesn’t want anymore kids.
We have really hit a stone wall after finding out I was pregnant, now I really don’t know what to do.

He doesn’t want me to have the baby at all he says he won’t be happy or might even end up leaving me because he doesn’t think he can mentally cope with having 3 kids.

I don’t know what to do because I obviously don’t want my husband to leave and break our amazing family up.
But I also don’t want to get termination just in case he’s gonna leave me🤷‍♀️

So basically my head is all over the place.
I dont think I could go though with an abortion because I think I would end up hating him.
But I don’t want him to hate me for keeping the baby.

I think personally my head is with going though with my pregnancy and welcoming another bundle of joy into the world.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation before and could give me some advice?
Maybe something I could say to make him change his mind?
Please no hate not everyone is perfect.
Sorry for the long post!
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

gratitude2022 · 18/03/2022 21:27

@kayls22

Hi everyone, looking for some advice, I am currently pregnant with baby number 3… (early days) I have a girl who is 3 and a little boy who has just turned 1. My husband really didn’t/doesn’t want anymore kids. We have really hit a stone wall after finding out I was pregnant, now I really don’t know what to do.

He doesn’t want me to have the baby at all he says he won’t be happy or might even end up leaving me because he doesn’t think he can mentally cope with having 3 kids.

So basically my head is all over the place.
I dont think I could go though with an abortion because I think I would end up hating him.
But I don’t want him to hate me for keeping the baby.

I think personally my head is with going though with my pregnancy and welcoming another bundle of joy into the world.

Awww my heart goes to you. Congratulations firstly. What a horrible situation to be stuck in. How far along are you? I'm expecting dc3 which I've been wanting for 6 years but huby was against it too but an abortion was never a question when we found out.

You have to do what you feel is right and from the sounds of it you want this baby. How supportive is he with your other ex?What if he were to leave either way? Would you end up resenting him in future if you were to abort?

Autumn42 · 18/03/2022 21:49

Gosh what an awful choice for him to give you, if you have the baby I very much doubt you would regret it and he may even come around too, if you get rid then there’s always that negative to live with. I made the choice to keep my baby when was in far from ideal circumstances and had people saying best thing to abort etc. She turned out to be the sweetest easiest baby ever (very different to all my planned babies!) and is an amazing wonderful young lady now and despite having to start over again I’ve got the happy marriage, career and everything I could of dreamed of now

Daisy4569 · 18/03/2022 21:57

If you didn’t go through with the pregnancy would you end up resenting your partner for making you make that decision? If so you could potentially lose your relationship and the baby. If that’s the case you may as well continue with the pregnancy and hope he comes around.

Original poster

kayls22 · 19/03/2022 06:37

Hi everyone,
Thanks for all your advice am currently 8weeks.
And have infact made my decision to keep baby, if he leaves me it will make no difference at all, his loss at the end of the day, he's always at work anyway so it's me who looks after the kids.
I told him yesterday that I won't ever let him make me choose between him and a baby, so if he didn't like it he could do what he wanted to do.
So once again thanks everyone. X

OP posts:

Autumn42 · 19/03/2022 07:29

@kayls22

Hi everyone, Thanks for all your advice am currently 8weeks. And have infact made my decision to keep baby, if he leaves me it will make no difference at all, his loss at the end of the day, he's always at work anyway so it's me who looks after the kids. I told him yesterday that I won't ever let him make me choose between him and a baby, so if he didn't like it he could do what he wanted to do. So once again thanks everyone. X

Best of luck, let us know how everything turns out x

Hiddenvoice · 19/03/2022 07:32

You are doing what’s right for you, as you said you’ve made your decision so he can make his.
Hopefully this is just a case of it being a surprise to him and he’s needing time to adjust!

Original poster

kayls22 · 19/03/2022 08:41

Autumn42 I will Thankyou so much!x

Hiddenvoice, I really hope so Thankyou so much for your advice!x

OP posts:

willwewontwe · 19/03/2022 08:48

I hate to say this but for someone to give you that ultimatum it just shows how little he cares about your feelings. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place really. You go through with a termination you don’t want and itl have a massive impact on your own life as well as your relationship with him. Every time you’re upset about it, you’ll blame him (rightly so). I think when you’ve already had two children with him it makes a termination extremely difficult to go through and personally I couldn’t take this option since I’d know the implications of it would stay with me for life. Think how many times your kids might mention something over the years, even an innocent comment, that will set you off. There’s also no guarantee he’ll stay with you if you were to do it. The alternative option is have the baby and he no doubt won’t actually leave you, if he’s a good dad to your other kids anyway. I think whether he’s leaving you or not is irrelevant because he’ll do what he wants either way. Make your mind up based on what’s best for you

GeneLovesJezebel · 19/03/2022 08:50

To be fair, he could leave you for any reason in the future. This is about what you want.

willwewontwe · 19/03/2022 08:50

@kayls22

Hi everyone, Thanks for all your advice am currently 8weeks. And have infact made my decision to keep baby, if he leaves me it will make no difference at all, his loss at the end of the day, he's always at work anyway so it's me who looks after the kids. I told him yesterday that I won't ever let him make me choose between him and a baby, so if he didn't like it he could do what he wanted to do. So once again thanks everyone. X

YES! 🎉🎉🎉 rooting for you and this little one

Original poster

kayls22 · 19/03/2022 09:09

@willwewontwe
That is now my view of things, he is a good dad to my other 2 kids so I don't think he won't be with this one.
It's the doubting that had me thinking, but I have made up my mind and am not going to change that!
Thankyou for your advice!x

OP posts:

Original poster

kayls22 · 19/03/2022 09:10

@GeneLovesJezebel

This is very true!x

OP posts:

Daisy4569 · 19/03/2022 11:39

I’d do the same tbh. Good luck to you and the little one!

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