Talk me down please

[Horsesforcourses23]

Hello all,

Ok - can someone please talk me down or let me know this is normal behaviour.

I am driving myself insane. I am 21 Weeks pregnant and keep bursting into tears because I convince myself I am going to hurt the baby. The other day I was thinking it will be a nice summer baby and I can walk with the pram etc... so from that thought I worked myself into thinking I am going to boil the baby to death in the sun.

The same last night, I saw a video on TikTok about babies and skull fractures and them falling, so again ended up all upset, that I will drop the baby.

The thing is I know it's unreasonable and ridiculous. It is my first baby but I have raised my nephew and helped with step daughter etc so I am not going in blind.

Does anything I have said make sense? Is this normal?

Just FYI as well, I am not even close to being an anxious person, I don't catastrophise or panic ever. I am normally very laid back, so I have no idea where these thoughts are coming from.

It's so strange this post popped up as it was on my mind after listening to a podcast the other day.

When I had my first child I kept on having these thoughts,one was that my baby was somehow going to fall out of the window because the lock was broken and no-one had realised (I checked and all the window locks were fine)). It was a horrible thought but random ones like that kept on popping into my head for no apparent reason and sometimes I really struggled to get rid of them.

But the podcast I was listening to the other day (think it was made by mammas) mentioned this and someone explained that it's your body's way of preparing you for a baby, essentially going through the extreme worst case scenarios as you try to think of all eventualities so you can keep them safe. This made sense to be because similar to you in the least anxious person, probably too chilled for my own good so I couldn't understand these thoughts but reframing it with the above makes more sense to me 😊 I hope that helps a little bit, but like all things pregnancy related it will pass and it it doesn't then always helps to talk to your midwife xx

Hi horses,

My 4 week old is out on the school run with my dsd and partner.

I have these occasional thoughts too, also less tears as my hormones are starting to balance out again thankfully!

For instance when I carry her in my arms (not leaning on my chest, but horizontally across me) I always have a quick vision of smacking her head against the doorway as I walk through. Also if she's on my lap, that she's going to roll off. Neither has happened.

When I put a hat on her when she was about a week old I felt a really soft bit at the back of her head...I realised I had by accidentally poked ther gap in her skull. It made me feel a bit sick thinking I have squashed her brain and she would somehow be effected by it. I could physically feel the softness on my fingers for hours after and would get waves of anxiety when I thought if it. I had to keep telling myself that babies are actually tough and she is fine. (She is).

If I am being realistic there will be accidents and there will be bumps - we are human. There will be times when you are trying to get them into a baby grow and catch their arm at an odd angle or a little finger as you try to get their arms in. It happens. They are built to last so please don't get hung up on it.

I think these visions are my subconscious being on guard for it and trying it's best to warn me against these.

You may feel wrong or dangerous (I have after these thoughts) but actually it's the opposite. I think my brain is being really safe and careful.

Please stop watching ticktock videos! They do not help. If you can't stop using it totally I would delete what you are watching and start following only positive happy wellbeing type things.

Don't panic and remember to thank your brain for reminding you and keeping your little one safe.

Ah thank you so much for responding. I was honestly starting to think I was going insane, or that I was predicting my inevitable failure as a mother ha ha!

xx

I’ve got a 7 month old and a 2 year old, when my first was a newborn I was PETRIFIED of dropping him down the stairs. I hadn’t thought about it before birth but when he was here I was just in shock that I was responsible for this little life! I got husband to carry him up/down stairs as much as possible. As they get bigger it’s feels better as there’s more of them to hold on to, they’re just so small at first! Didn’t take him out for a walk in pram alone til he was 5 months because I thought in the end, this is insane I can’t be too scared to walk my baby! Forced myself to take him out and it was ok. And a big relief to be taking him out independently.
I think it’s normal to feel a bit scared. It’s a big change and a big responsibility, just keep a check on how you’re feeling and discuss with your g.p/midwife/health visitor if you feel it’s bothering you too much!

Thanks for all the responses, I really appreciate it and glad to know it's relatively normal.

I think these sorts of intrusive thoughts are much commoner than you would imagine - please try not to worry! But if you do keep experiencing it then ask for help - in some people it can get severe, but of course like any spectrum there are degrees of how you might experience it.

It’s a huge responsibility, parenthood. And babies are so helpless and dependent. It’s only natural to have some trepidation and pregnancy hormones are a total trip!

Intrusive thoughts are normal (I get flashes of fake premonition of slipping down the stairs holding future baby) but I’d maybe mention to your midwife that you’re having higher than usual levels of anxiety. It’s not going to ‘flag’ anything but it’s good to make them aware in case you do feel you need extra MH support down the line

When I had my first baby my husband's anxiety fixated on the windows. He was afraid he'd trip whilst carrying him and somehow throw the baby out of the small, high ones! We had to keep them locked for a while until the anxiety lessened. He's fine now and can't believe he thought that 🙂

I have very regular vivid dreams about dropping my baby, I'm 21 weeks as well. I'm hoping it's just hormones and pregnancy anxiety. xx