I've miscarried- what next?

[Foxglovesandlilacs86]

11 weeks pregnant today. I had some spotting over the weekend so went to the epu for a scan and the baby was measuring 7 weeks with no heartbeat. They said I have to wait a week then have another scan and then I can choose medical or surgical management if it has t happened naturally before then.

I've just started bleeding bright red blood with some tiny clots, is this the beginning? I just want it to be over with.

I've had a miscarriage before but it was further on and I had surgery under general anaesthetic so I'm not really sure what to expect.

Will I see anything? I really don't want to flush it down the toilet I know that might seem strange. Any advice from someone who has been through this would be greatly appreciated x

I wasn't quite as far on as you, sending you and unmumsnetty hugs. It does sound like the beginning, the week from when I started to when I had to go back for a scan was awful, can you get sick leave from work so you if you want, can hole up in the comfort of home?

I'm a sahm so I'll be mostly at home anyway except for school runs. DH will come home if it gets bad enough.

Did you pass it naturally then or did you have to go back for the scan?

@Foxglovesandlilacs86
Literally going through the same right now.
Was 10 weeks last week and started spotting with cramps, went in for a early scan and found out it had stopped growing at 6 weeks. Booked in for another scan Friday this week but I think I have naturally miscarried now. Sunday early hours I had the most intense cramps ever (I presume like contractions) made me almost sick. But after a few hours they settled down and have just had bleeding, not as intense cramping since. I think the worst is over now so I presume I will find out Friday what the next steps are or that’s it?! It’s very crazy, hope you’re ok. Just keep a hot water bottle handy and lots of paracetamol x

@LR89 so sorry to hear you’re going through it aswell

The midwives at the hospital didn’t really tell me anything except if the bleeding got too much then to go a&e. Didn’t even get as much as a leaflet.

I suppose I want to know if I will see anything? It feels wrong it falling down the toilet and getting flushed away. DH feels the same, are we weird?

So sorry for you OP.

I had a very similar situation last month, spotting at 11 weeks and found on the scan baby had no heartbeat measuring 8 weeks. I didn't need to wait the week and they sent me home with the medication to begin the process. I did need a couple rounds before the miscarriage was complete but I didn't see much but yes it is expected your will pass the sac down the toilet.

I was offered surgical removal is this something you would consider if the emotional aspect of seeing it would be too much? Honestly it wasn't as bad as I expected if that gives you any comfort.

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks but I never got a scan so I have no idea how old baby was when it stopped growing. I started bleeding on a Saturday evening until Thursday evening when I started having contractions (I'd had a baby before so I knew they were contractions). They were like very strong period pains like you get in early labour, not like full on labour contractions. They lasted a couple of hours then everything came gushing out.

I caught everything in a sieve as had there been a baby I would have wanted to bury it somewhere but there wasn't, it was just a lot of clots and lumps of body matter, there was nothing there that I could identify as a baby so I flushed it all down the toilet.

I really wanted to know if it was a girl or boy so I could give it a name. It was heartbreaking at the time. I'm very sorry.

@Skyeheather

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks but I never got a scan so I have no idea how old baby was when it stopped growing. I started bleeding on a Saturday evening until Thursday evening when I started having contractions (I'd had a baby before so I knew they were contractions). They were like very strong period pains like you get in early labour, not like full on labour contractions. They lasted a couple of hours then everything came gushing out.

I caught everything in a sieve as had there been a baby I would have wanted to bury it somewhere but there wasn't, it was just a lot of clots and lumps of body matter, there was nothing there that I could identify as a baby so I flushed it all down the toilet.

I really wanted to know if it was a girl or boy so I could give it a name. It was heartbreaking at the time. I'm very sorry.

That’s what I’d like to do, but as it stopped growing at 7 weeks I don’t know how easy it will be to see it.

Sorry you went through that

Ive had two, the first at 6 weeks and second at 11 weeks. With my second I knew what was coming and when my bleeding was becoming heavier I set myself up in the bathroom. Phone, iPad, bath, drinks, lots of towels and heating on. There was a lot of blood but I think it looked more in the toilet. I was probably in the bathroom for about 4 hours. Have someone on standby to get you anything you need.

I kind of knew when I'd passed the baby, although it didn't look like a baby it felt solid and very different from a large clot. I caught it with my hands. I wrapped it in toilet paper and we put it in a special box and buried it. We brought a tree and planted it over.

Take paracetamol and ibuprofen regularly, I found a hot water bottle helped too. Sleep on a towel if you are worried about blood on your sheets.

I bled fairly heavily for about 3 weeks post miscarriage and had a lot of cramping. Keep an eye on how much blood you're losing and contact your GP if you're worried as it's very easy for your iron levels to drop.

Be gentle and kind to yourself.

Sorry to hear about what has happened, I’m going through the same at the moment. I was measuring behind last Wednesday so told to go back this week for a scan. On Friday I started bleeding and by yesterday I was very nauseous. I phoned EPAU yesterday who told me to go to A&E, although they sent me home without a scan as it been under a week since my last one. The needed more than a week to confirm a miscarriage but I know I have miscarried, I just don’t know if the sickness I am feeling is normal. Have you felt this too?

@Mochii how stressful. Could your dates be wrong?

I haven’t felt sick at all since about 8 weeks which makes sense now, not had any symptoms except for sore boobs. I have other children and had hardly any symptoms with some of them so I wasn’t worried. Did your baby have a heartbeat on the scan you had? X

@Foxglovesandlilacs86 my dates aren’t wrong as I had IVF and was measuring over a week behind so they could only see an empty sac at 6 weeks. I have definitely miscarried but I am worried about an infection as I feel worse than when it started passing! Do you feel better now (physically) or is it still ongoing?

Hi all, same here, going through a miscarriage currently, was 10 weeks today, started bleeding last Thursday, went for scan on Friday and they said baby had no heartbeat and asked if I had my dates wrong as baby was looking 6 weeks or under…..basically stopped growing somewhere in the first 6 weeks. Absolutely devastated and I’ve got no support. By choice I haven’t told anyone except one friend that has been though it and my husband, I don’t want to deal with telling ppl and having to talk about it. Friend has been great with listening to me rant husband has been shit.

I was doing the school/nursery run this morning felt so run down and everything ached anyway carried on as we have to, during the drops I was bleeding heavily so much so it went through my clothes onto the car seat….luckily I was in all black so no one would of seen but dropping my kids off knowing I was bleeding that much and in pain was quite horrific for me. I got home went straight in the shower then an hour or so later went to the toilet and this massive sac just fell out of me….I felt sick, I don’t know if it was the baby the cord the placenta I actually scooped it up and looked at it for ages trying to work it out, I couldn’t, but I felt awful at the thought of flushing my baby away down the toilet…..I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel very lonely and sad, even the go I spoke to today to get a sick note to cover me didn’t seem like it was such a massive ordeal-he was a man say no more.

Sorry to go on but I’ve not got any support form husband which is making it all worse and can’t keep ranting to my friend…..just finding these threads quite supportive. Sorry to hear everyone’s bad news and sad experiences see if you all lots of love and care

My friend miscarried at 9 weeks and I was with her as her husband works away and she asked me to stay with her. I hung out with the bathroom with her and she was getting cramps but nothing major I got her a hot water bottle and some pain killers, she passed some large clots she caught them in plastic bowl she had put in the toilet, she asked me to find her baby and I didn’t know what I was looking for but these all just looked like clots then when she said more was coming it was in with that gush, I could tell it wasn’t a clot, it was much lighter in colour and rough looking and that was the placenta and attached to the placenta was a almost like a large bubble and inside the bubble was the baby, I told her it was there and she took it out and kept it all as one the placenta sac and baby and she put it into a little food tub like what you can store toddlers food in, she pooped the lid on then I went to B&M and got her a plant with a nice pot, a pink pot as she always thought it was a girl, she put the tub in the pot and put the plant in and kept it on her bedroom windowsill it’s still there now a few years later.
I’m very sorry your going through this

@user1478639495 my baby also stopped growing at around 5/6 weeks. At that gestation there is only a really really small sac and the contents would be tiny. I’m not trying to minimise what you’ve been through but to reassure you that what you saw wasn’t the baby. I have had clots which are about 5cm in length, and my measurements were only 5mm before I miscarried. I hope this helps you, take care x

@Nikki037297

My friend miscarried at 9 weeks and I was with her as her husband works away and she asked me to stay with her. I hung out with the bathroom with her and she was getting cramps but nothing major I got her a hot water bottle and some pain killers, she passed some large clots she caught them in plastic bowl she had put in the toilet, she asked me to find her baby and I didn’t know what I was looking for but these all just looked like clots then when she said more was coming it was in with that gush, I could tell it wasn’t a clot, it was much lighter in colour and rough looking and that was the placenta and attached to the placenta was a almost like a large bubble and inside the bubble was the baby, I told her it was there and she took it out and kept it all as one the placenta sac and baby and she put it into a little food tub like what you can store toddlers food in, she pooped the lid on then I went to B&M and got her a plant with a nice pot, a pink pot as she always thought it was a girl, she put the tub in the pot and put the plant in and kept it on her bedroom windowsill it’s still there now a few years later. I’m very sorry your going through this

Wow what an amazing friend you are! My goodness that is something else your friends is extremely lucky to have you I’m blown away by what you did for her. Thank you for the detail its made me sad that I probably missed my baby it must of been the placenta I would imagine for the size of it, it was pretty long and thick. What a wonderful idea with the plant, I thought was so lovely I brought a special plant yesterday to go in the garden with a little solar light, I also felt mine was a girl as I felt so sick and didn’t with my other toe boys I was adamant it was girl so I’ve got a light with a pinkish glow. My husband will think I’ve lost the plot but he seriously doesn’t get it hasn’t been there for me at all. Thank you for replying to my post I really appreciate it

[quote Mochii]@user1478639495 my baby also stopped growing at around 5/6 weeks. At that gestation there is only a really really small sac and the contents would be tiny. I’m not trying to minimise what you’ve been through but to reassure you that what you saw wasn’t the baby. I have had clots which are about 5cm in length, and my measurements were only 5mm before I miscarried. I hope this helps you, take care x[/quote]
Thank you so much for your reply, you didn’t minimize it in fact you helped as I know that wouldn’t have been the baby so thank you for that. I’m so sorry for your loss also I hope your doing ok. Really appreciate the support.

@Mochii it's still going on, bleeding is quite heavy now and pains are like a very bad period or early labour. I passed a large-ish clot a couple of nights ago but it was definitely just a clot, I thought that was the start of it so got myself sat on the toilet with a sieve but nothing else happened.

So just waiting for it to be done with now. I have 8 children, the youngest are 3, 2 and 7 months so it's hard going through this while taking care of them too, I'm trying my best to keep on as normal but it's hard.

This pregnancy wasn't planned and I don't want to go through this again and I think maybe it's my body's way of telling me I've had enough. DH is going to get the snip ASAP.

@Nikki037297 you sounds like an amazing friend

I passed the baby last night... I had been having pains all day but they were manageable, ran myself a bath and went to have a wee and it literally fell out of me into the toilet, I scooped it out with my bare hands instinctively, I knew it wasn't just a clot as it felt different, it looked like a big ball and was all pink and grey and there was lots of old brown blood and tissue around it. It was bigger than I expected, about the size of a tennis ball.

My husband heard me crying and ran upstairs and he sat there hugging me for a bit while I cried and I was still holding it... it sounds gross now but I just didn't want to put it down. He went and got a Muslin cloth and put it on an airtight box and we both kissed the box.

I've ordered a rose bush called "special child" and we're going to put it in a big pot and bury it. Our house is just about to go on the market so we can take it with us. We called it baby Pat as my husband always joked he'd like a little girl called pat and we don't know if it was a boy or a girl and pat could be either I suppose.

Sorry if that was all tmi and overly sentimental, but it feels good to get it all down somewhere.

@Foxglovesandlilacs86

I passed the baby last night... I had been having pains all day but they were manageable, ran myself a bath and went to have a wee and it literally fell out of me into the toilet, I scooped it out with my bare hands instinctively, I knew it wasn't just a clot as it felt different, it looked like a big ball and was all pink and grey and there was lots of old brown blood and tissue around it. It was bigger than I expected, about the size of a tennis ball.

My husband heard me crying and ran upstairs and he sat there hugging me for a bit while I cried and I was still holding it... it sounds gross now but I just didn't want to put it down. He went and got a Muslin cloth and put it on an airtight box and we both kissed the box.

I've ordered a rose bush called "special child" and we're going to put it in a big pot and bury it. Our house is just about to go on the market so we can take it with us. We called it baby Pat as my husband always joked he'd like a little girl called pat and we don't know if it was a boy or a girl and pat could be either I suppose.

Sorry if that was all tmi and overly sentimental, but it feels good to get it all down somewhere.

Not tmi at all. I’m so sorry to hear of your experience it’s so heartbreaking and so sad 😞 well done to you for keeping as normal and as strong as possible for your other children, I am trying also but it’s so hard. I’m so so glad your husband has been with you and ran up to comfort you like that, that’s so wonderful, my husband is currently out watching rugby and having drinks with his mates. I’m fact he’s been so awful it’s left me doubting our marriage which might sound extreme and I’m sure it is but I’ve gone through this whole thing by myself I feel so lonely so sad I’m dying inside and he doesn’t seem to care. I hate it i hate this whole thing if it wasn’t for my two little boys I honestly don’t know what erratic actions I’d be taking right now. Sorry to vent this is the only place I can over share and vent-I’m struggling so much 😢

@user1478639495 I'm so sorry to hear that, that's awful, he should want to be with you IMO. I can understand you doubting everything else I think I'd be the same. Are you going to talk to him about it? X

[quote Foxglovesandlilacs86]@user1478639495 I'm so sorry to hear that, that's awful, he should want to be with you IMO. I can understand you doubting everything else I think I'd be the same. Are you going to talk to him about it? X[/quote]
I probably should but I’ve never been a great talker also in the past when I’ve had issues with partners/friends and talked things out it’s never gone well so I tend to shut down, not healthy I know but the alternative never works so it’s just how I’ve become, I seem to survive that way it’s just tough. But also I’ve nothing in the tank, all my energy is going into looking after the boys making sure they are ok and everything’s normal there alongside what I’m going through there’s nothing left for him I just don’t want to look at him, then he asks me how I’m feeling it’s likes an insult he wants to come to my next scan-why? What’s the point your actions show you don’t care! It’s almost like to show the staff he’s the supporting husband when he’s not.
I feel awful for saying all of this as he is wonderful and so caring but not in this instance he’s shocked me at how bad he’s been. I don’t get it.

I’m so sorry I’m taking over with my anger and sadness, how are you feeling? How are you coping no you've actually passed your baby? I hope your doing ok xx

Best thing you can do is get through this and when you've got more head space tell him how he's made you feel. If he's good in other ways maybe he just deals with things differently and buries his head in the sand? Still doesn't excuse the way he's acted but better than just not caring I suppose.

I'm feeling ok now, had my second scan to check everything had come away and there was something left in there but they said it should come out with the bleeding. They gave me a pregnancy test to take on three weeks and of it's positive I have to go back.

I'm feeling quite emotional because I feel like this is it for me now, I've had 8 babies and this one was unplanned but we were so excited but I don't think we will have anymore. I felt like crying walking out the epu past the bit when you go for a normal scan and seeing all the ladies with their big bumps. It just makes me sad to know I'll never go through all that again. I know most people would say that's stupid because we have so many! X

OP I'm so sorry to read about your loss. 💐