We're under a lot of stress at the moment and it just feels like what I'm told should be a "magical time" being pregnant is just horrrible, constant stress and daily tears.
We're attempting to buy a house (in my name only as he has other properties so we are trying to save the stamp duty hike on second homes) but things keep going tits up. Every spare penny I earn is going into the deposit. It's a completely joyless process, and I worry that we'll never find a seller who actually wants to proceed to sell their house. It's all so fragile and delicate and we keep being let down. There's a severe time limit on it too as I am going to be on maternity allowance (self employed) from July, so completely losing my income proof which will make it impossible to get mortgage agreement signed off.
He's interviewing for jobs after being unemployed for two years and keeps getting knocked back.
He's drinking too much and I'm not drinking enough (joking, but I really miss having a G&T)
We just aren't getting on, we're snapping at each other constantly and I can't seem to get through a day without crying.
I also worry that having a baby is going to be nothing but awful, given all the horror stories. I feel horribly guilty at the end of each day sometimes as I feel I've barely engaged with Bump or felt him move. I wish I just had time and brain space to feel excited about his arrival but I'm just completely oblivious to it and nothing is ready.
There are worse worse problems in life, that's all very clear with Ukraine, but I just feel pretty lost and alone and like I don't even know DP anymore. I'm scared he won't be cut out for fatherhood if I'm honest, he's not taking care of himself, me or our home at the moment. Just feel so sad.