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Original poster

Abortion advice *sensitive*

26 replies

littlemum85 · 14/03/2022 16:54

Please don't judge me for this post I have had to name change as this is really sensitive

I have recently found out I'm pregnant probably around 8 weeks. This pregnancy was unplanned and I'm on contraception.

Neither myself or partner wanted another baby however he has made it clear he doesn't want the baby but the decision is completely up to me

The thing is neither do I we can't afford another child but I have never been in this situation. How do I know abortion is the correct decision? How do I cope afterwards? I really don't know what to do for the best

Please no judging I just need peoples advice

OP posts:
irishfarmer · 14/03/2022 17:08

Hi Littlemum, I'm so sorry you're in this position. Unfortunately I don't think you can ever fully know if it is the "correct" decision. I think you have to weigh up where you are in your life right now and what is the best option for you and your family right now. I'm afraid only you and your partner know what your situation is. But what ever you do decide remember in the future you made that decision based on circumstances you are in now, if your circumstances change in future they are not the conditions you decided in.

Original poster
littlemum85 · 14/03/2022 17:22

Thank you for responding. That is a good way to look at it. He has said it is my decision but he doesn't want it and that is playing on my mind as we are settled. I've called the clinic and left my details.

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HandlebarLadyTash · 14/03/2022 17:56

I aborted due to finances & not wanting the pregnancy. I was very sure and have no regrets years later. On paper it seem a harsh decision but I really didn't want to just scrape by. There should be no shame in having an abortion for any reason.

Original poster
littlemum85 · 14/03/2022 18:40

@HandlebarLadyTash

I aborted due to finances & not wanting the pregnancy. I was very sure and have no regrets years later. On paper it seem a harsh decision but I really didn't want to just scrape by. There should be no shame in having an abortion for any reason.
Can I ask you how far on you were and how it works? How painful is it? Did you have any doubts at the time as in what if

Sorry for the questions I don't have anyone to talk to about this

OP posts:
anothernamechang · 14/03/2022 19:07

Changed my name for this one.

I've had a baby 5 years ago. A year after having my baby I was on contraception and didn't even know I was pregnant as periods had stopped. I only found out due to having acne (something I never suffered with) that is what made me test.

Instantly I knew I couldn't keep the baby,
I knew deep down I couldn't afford another baby, and also my mental health was at a low I had to think of the child I already had.

I was 7 weeks at the time I had my appointment. Went for tablets at 8 weeks, unfortunately the tablets didn't work to an extent and I needed to have Vacuum aspiration. At this point I was 10 weeks.

It wasn't a nice thing to do, but it was the right thing to do for me and my family.

I don't regret what I did, it was the first and last time I've done it. I've always made sure I'm extra safe now due to being in that situation, no one can tell you what is right, you'll know deep down what's right for you and your family, I spoke to the doctors and they referred me to talk to someone to make sure it was the right decision for me.

I hope your ok, it's such a horrible situation to be in, sending lots of hugs.

Original poster
littlemum85 · 14/03/2022 19:40

@anothernamechang

Changed my name for this one.

I've had a baby 5 years ago. A year after having my baby I was on contraception and didn't even know I was pregnant as periods had stopped. I only found out due to having acne (something I never suffered with) that is what made me test.

Instantly I knew I couldn't keep the baby,
I knew deep down I couldn't afford another baby, and also my mental health was at a low I had to think of the child I already had.

I was 7 weeks at the time I had my appointment. Went for tablets at 8 weeks, unfortunately the tablets didn't work to an extent and I needed to have Vacuum aspiration. At this point I was 10 weeks.

It wasn't a nice thing to do, but it was the right thing to do for me and my family.

I don't regret what I did, it was the first and last time I've done it. I've always made sure I'm extra safe now due to being in that situation, no one can tell you what is right, you'll know deep down what's right for you and your family, I spoke to the doctors and they referred me to talk to someone to make sure it was the right decision for me.

I hope your ok, it's such a horrible situation to be in, sending lots of hugs.

Thank you for replying. How do they know when the tablets don't work? Do they get you back into clinic for another check up?

Does everyone get a scan prior to taking the pills? I think seeing a little heartbeat will make me me more emotional

OP posts:
anothernamechang · 14/03/2022 19:48

@littlemum85

I knew my tablets didn't work as I didn't have a bleed with in 24 hours after taking them.

I rang up to let them know they asked me to come back, I had another scan and found out there was no heartbeat.

I had a scan first, i asked to see the screen! I was very emotional as it's not a situation I ever thought I would be in or needed to do, but as I said it was 100% the right choice for me. This isn't for everyone, and my heart goes out to anyone needing to ever make this decision.

cleanbreak2022 · 14/03/2022 21:24

No judgement, just support

As previous pp said, you can only make your decisions based on now, what you know at this moment. Not on what might happen or might not.

Whatever you decide, it's the right decision for now, for you.

Original poster
littlemum85 · 15/03/2022 09:54

Thank you so much ladies for taking the time to read, reply and share your stories.

It's never going to be easy but I know deep down termination is really the best option as much as it hurts.

OP posts:
recoveringyoungalco · 15/03/2022 10:49

I had a scan, but they wouldn't show it to me (so I guess you can ask not to see it). They also insisted I did it surgically even thought I was only 6 weeks. I was 16 and alone so maybe that was why. My bf at the time said it was my decision but I knew he wouldn't stand by me. Also I knew I didn't want to be a mum! I felt enormous shame and guilt at the time but I put that down to my upbringing. I went onto the implant soon after that and never had another scare. Ultimately though I think it was the best decision.

I think you have decided that abortion is the best option for you. There isn't shame in it. Just make sure it is what you want.

Original poster
littlemum85 · 15/03/2022 10:52

@recoveringyoungalco

I had a scan, but they wouldn't show it to me (so I guess you can ask not to see it). They also insisted I did it surgically even thought I was only 6 weeks. I was 16 and alone so maybe that was why. My bf at the time said it was my decision but I knew he wouldn't stand by me. Also I knew I didn't want to be a mum! I felt enormous shame and guilt at the time but I put that down to my upbringing. I went onto the implant soon after that and never had another scare. Ultimately though I think it was the best decision.

I think you have decided that abortion is the best option for you. There isn't shame in it. Just make sure it is what you want.

This is exactly what I feel shame and guilt. We've already agreed that we will keep this strictly between us no one else will ever know. I just keep looking at the children I have and can't shake the guilt.

I have called the clinic and have a consultation next Wednesday. I thought it would have been quicker but I suppose it gives me some extra time to think about everything

OP posts:
Whenwillitstop1 · 15/03/2022 10:56

I had an abortion last week at nearly 7 weeks. They have changed procedures and they now give you an extra set of tablets to take if you've had no bleeding within a certain amount of hours. I took the first tablet to stop the pregnancy then the next one 24hrs later which stops the pregnancy. I had a phone Consultation then I went into clinic to have scan and collect tablets. They do not show you the screen. You take a pregnancy test 3 weeks after tablets to ensure it is negative and no tissue remains. I had previously had a tablet abortion 6 years ago and had some tissue left but they said now they give extra tablets to avoid that. For me I already have 2 young children so I feel relieved. Passing the pregnancy was not a nice experience and I was in quite a lot of pain but it mainly only lasted one day in terms of pain. I hope you feel OK whatever you decide x

Whenwillitstop1 · 15/03/2022 10:58

Sorry i meant second set of tablets makes you cramp and bleed to pass pregnancy

Original poster
littlemum85 · 15/03/2022 11:12

@Whenwillitstop1

I had an abortion last week at nearly 7 weeks. They have changed procedures and they now give you an extra set of tablets to take if you've had no bleeding within a certain amount of hours. I took the first tablet to stop the pregnancy then the next one 24hrs later which stops the pregnancy. I had a phone Consultation then I went into clinic to have scan and collect tablets. They do not show you the screen. You take a pregnancy test 3 weeks after tablets to ensure it is negative and no tissue remains. I had previously had a tablet abortion 6 years ago and had some tissue left but they said now they give extra tablets to avoid that. For me I already have 2 young children so I feel relieved. Passing the pregnancy was not a nice experience and I was in quite a lot of pain but it mainly only lasted one day in terms of pain. I hope you feel OK whatever you decide x
How long after your consultation were you offered your appointment to collect tablets?

Also did you wait over a week for a phone consultation?

OP posts:
Nikki037297 · 15/03/2022 12:36

You may be offended rhe first tablet immediately at that appointment. They won’t show you the screen during the scan either. You do need to be sure as once you take that first tablet there is no going back and the regret that comes along afterwards is unreal it never goes away

newmamabear4 · 15/03/2022 15:56

Hi, no judgement here as I am in an almost identical position. LO is 17 months old and I am 6 weeks pregnant and it was very much unplanned. After some chats with my OH we have decided a termination is the right way forward for us as a family right now. I have literally just had my telephone consultation and they are sending me out the tablet treatment in the post. I feel like I knew instantly that I couldn’t have another baby just yet, it’s been an emotional decision but one I’m certain is right. I’ve looked into terminations and a study shows something like 97% of women 5 years after having a termination are happy with their decision and are glad they made it. That’s given me a lot of comfort.

I hope you’re able to reach a decision and make peace with it. It’s really not easy but trust you know what’s right for you and your family. I’ll be thinking of you!

Whenwillitstop1 · 15/03/2022 19:02

I waited over a week for phone appointment and then further week to collect tablets. But that was due to previous medical issues for the further week as they needed to check suitability for taking tablets. I would have been able to collect them much sooner otherwise or they also ofter the option to post to you.

Original poster
littlemum85 · 16/03/2022 08:53

I feel the longer I'm having to wait the harder it's going to be. I know financially I can't continue. I wish my appointment was sooner

OP posts:
Original poster
littlemum85 · 23/03/2022 11:31

I was scanned this morning and I am 9 weeks 5 days. I have taken the first tablet. Second lot I've to take on Friday. Please prepare me how bad is the pain? They've given be some co-codamol

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Original poster
littlemum85 · 23/03/2022 11:43

Also is it normal to feel so emotional and guilty?

OP posts:
plum711 · 23/03/2022 15:26

Hey OP,

Just want to say when I had an abortion I felt so emotional and guilty at the time too. And being perfectly honest I didn't feel myself for quite a while after. That being said though I have 0 regrets now as it just wasn't right at the time. I'm pregnant again now with my first child and it's a completely different feeling - I think you just know.

From everything you've said its not something you've taken lightly but it's whats right for you at the moment and whats best for you and your family. There is nothing wrong with that.

Pain wise I did find it quite bad but the worst of the pain was over around an hour or two after it kicked in. I took ibuprofen half an hour before I took the second tablet and then took the co-codamol as soon as I got home.

Just hang in there - I promise it got better for me and I genuinely believe it will for you too.

Thinking of you.

Original poster
littlemum85 · 23/03/2022 21:09

My bleeding has started they did warn me it could begin anytime from taking the first tablet. Will it all come away when I take the prescribed medication?

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Twixie2022 · 23/03/2022 21:39

Hi OP I had one around 8 years ago. Had used protection but it didn’t work. Was 8 weeks and was young, broke and wasn’t something I wanted at the time or could deal with.

I felt very guilty for a while but I was very sure of my decision. It did pass though overtime as I knew it was the best decision for me. I remember being very emotional for a good week after.

Pain wise, honestly I found it quite painful but bearable. I would say the first 3 hours were the worst. It came away as large clots mainly. When you get the second pill - Take your pain relief, ensure you are somewhere warm and comfy. I found a hot water bottle helped loads too. Hope you are going as best possible. X

Twixie2022 · 23/03/2022 21:40

Doing*

Original poster
littlemum85 · 24/03/2022 06:54

Thank you for your replies. I've had a few clots and some bleeding im assuming this will continue until I take the second lot of tablets. They advised me to take these vaginally, the box does state they can be placed under the tongue. I think given the fact im already bleeding I'll give them a call as inserting vaginally doesn't sound to appealing anymore

How did everyone else take the second dose?

OP posts: