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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone gong through pregnancy and labour completely alone?

11 replies

ShellySara · 04/01/2008 21:59

Hi all,

Just a question for you.

Pregnant with my first already 23 weeks, so far I have managed all alone - my partner works overseas, and so I go to the hospital appointments and things on my own.

My step-mum has never given had her own children, and also lives a long way away, although she likes to be kept quite involved, I dont think she would make it here in time if things were to happen quick.

I went to my hospital the other day and everyone was in there with their partners, or someone else, and I was the only person who was there on their own. I got a few strange, almost pitying looks.

I know many women do do the whole thing by themselves, but when it comes to time for labour, I am starting to prepare myself for just me and the medical staff being there - is this a bad thing?

Shell

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ChorusLineMistletoeAndWine · 04/01/2008 22:01

Hi SS - i went through pregnancy alone but had my best friend there for labour - any friends that could come with you?

ComeOVeneer · 04/01/2008 22:03

Have you considered a doula if you have no friends/family locally?

franke · 04/01/2008 22:03

Sounds tough for you - is there no chance of your dp being around for the birth?

If not, could you consider getting a doula for the birth? There are a few doulas on here whom I'm sure will be able to advise you.

I'm really sorry you're going through this alone, I don't think I could myself. Good luck.

lulumama · 04/01/2008 22:05

a friend or a doula could be a real benefit to you. having someone with you for the appointments, for the birth and just after could be really helpful for you. some women do just fine labouring alone, but with your first, it might be beneficial to have someone with you as unlikely there will be a MW with you for the whole labour. do lots of reading and research so you are as prepared as you can be.

Original poster

ShellySara · 04/01/2008 22:51

Thanks ladies, I have considered a doula and emailed a couple, but I didnt hear anything back - mind you, I suppose over Christmas things could have got a bit hectic as they do for everyone. Will dig out their details and try again.

We are hoping that DP is back in time, but if baby takes after me, then she will make her own mind up for when she decides to turn up! Also, coupled with the fact that he is a big wimp in hospitals, it might be better if he does turn up a wee bit late!

You know when you just have a feeling that something is going to happen, you may not quite want things to go that way, but you know that if it is going to happen, it is going to happen to you? Sods Law - thats it - I have the inkling that this is the way it is going to turn out for me I guess.

Dont neccessarily see it as a bad thing, I always like a challenge! Just trying to think of absolutely everything I need to try and be prepared!

Thanks again ladies.

OP posts:

Pixiefish · 04/01/2008 22:53

A friend of mine has had 5 of her 6 on her own in hospital as her dh has always had to be home with the other children.

babylove21 · 05/01/2008 21:42

Hi Shell,

sometimes ignorance really is bliss
I had my dd 'alone', with only medical staff present. I was a teenage mum and 19 years ago i don't remember there being all these birth plans etc, other than in hospital or at home lol.
I hadn't expected to be alone as was taken in to stay because of lower pain, as i was 36 weeks i didnt expect it to be labour and the staff told my dp that i was probably suffering a water infection!
I think the only disadvantage is i don't remember much and i have no one to ask [ sad]
i was 300 miles from home so no family arrived until the next day.

My friend went through pregnancy as a single mum and i had agreed to be her labour buddy.
I had a few late night trips to the hospital with her for bleeding in pregnancy and although i took her in at 2am i was told to go home. When i returned in the morning she had undergone an emergency section in the early hours so another who managed alone.

I think it depends on your state of mind.
It is only the medical staff who are mandatory guests isnt it ?

Original poster

ShellySara · 06/01/2008 19:47

Thanks for that babylove, makes me feel much better.

Medical staff are mandatory? I was originally going to try and get to my home town, and then had visions of dropping her in the loos on the Virgin Cross Country train!!!

Since that, I have given a lot of thought to two things - 1) change doctors/hospitals and 2) would the train conductor fine me for not having a ticket for the baby before getting on the train!!!

Going to try and get enrolled on an ante-natal class, as I am hoping that the more prepared I am will be better.

Been emailing off to doulas over the weekend, and still have had no reply.

Many thanks ladies for all your help.

Shell

OP posts:

babylove21 · 06/01/2008 21:20

Medical staff are mandatory?
I meant in the sense that we all hope to have at least a mw present.
What is doulas ?

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 06/01/2008 21:27

I dunno, I think I'd have been fine doing it alone.

I'm also braced to do it alone this time, as I am not 100% confident in the childcare we have sorted for the older ones (it isn't that easy getting someone to drop everything to look after a 2 yo and a 4 yo-most of my friends have kids of their own).

Re the appointments-pitying looks. I have 2 kids already. I LOVE appointments, because really dp HAS to take time off to look after the kids (can't take 2 preschoolers with you to hospital, OH no... .

I settle in with my ipod and a magazine and get quite grumpy if the queue moves quickly .

I think the only thing is, if you are possibly going it alone, be very aware and confident of your birth options. I think this is the kind of situation where it is really worth having a birth plan, if only so that you work through the possibilities, and what you want to happen in all circumstances.

The only other thing for me is that I remember SO little of giving birth, it is nice that dp can remind me. But tbh, its mainly there in your notes, and a decent m/w should go over anything with you anyway...

Original poster

ShellySara · 09/01/2008 20:39

Babylove, doulas are experienced ladies that can help you out. They are not medical people, but more of a supportive hire-a-friend, that have been through this before and helped lots of ladies. Thats what I understand of the term. There are lots of ladies on here who will be able to give you a much better answer than mine.

CharlieandLolasMummy - with two little ones running round, I can imagine that you quite enjoy the peace and quiet in the hospital!

Take care ladies.

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