Unplanned 37 year old and panicking

[Vevee]

Hi, i just found out I was pregnant yesterday, contraception failure, also morning after pill failure. Both of us are in shock, we've no idea what to do. We already have a 4 year old and a very small 2 bed terrace. I just cant believe I'm in this situation. I'm also worried with my age that there might be more chance of disabilities, my downs screening was 1/100,000 with my son, will it be the same in a second or less because I'm older? My head is a mess.

Mine was 1:2000something at 37 but I’ve seen plenty with lower risk, depends on the other levels. Hope your partner is being supportive whatever you choose 💜

My NT result for Downs was 1/100,000 at 35 with my first and 1/95,000 with my second at 37. The NHS also test for Edwards and Patau now if you consent. My risk for both of those was very low too.

Thanks, I'm just in complete shock and don't know what to do next

I'm not sure what my twins risk was but it was so low I never thought about it twice. I turned 38 just after they were born and DS was 4.5. It was fine and they love each other lots. Not saying they never fight mind

@vevee if you woke up tomorrow and you weren't pregnant and you never had another baby, how would you feel?

I dont know, my immediate thought when I read that was relief but then sadness that I would never have another.

If you're worried about your age, if not now, when?

I dont know, we've booked for a termination after discussing everything we're both worried about, I have a telephone appointment this afternoon. I've no idea if it's the right thing to do or not, I'm in a complete mess and have been all week. I had horrendous pregnancy OCD, anxiety, depression which made me and my other half's life a misery for 9 months last time, then I had post natal OCD massively, then a year after our son was born I had a mental breakdown and had to call the crisis team, during this time I did seek help, I had CBT, a mental health nurse that came to my house every two weeks and I saw a counsellor after he was born. My thoughts are it's highly likely to be the same all over again, my brain hasn't changed and if all that happens again, do I want my 4 year old son to see it all?

Can you still talk to someone in the mental health team before you decide to go ahead with the termination? Understandably, it sounds like your head is spinning and you've so much to weigh up.

I have a counsellor at the moment as I have massive health anxiety, she's already asked me if I wanted to discuss this instead of what we were meant to be discussing. I felt booking the termination was the right thing to do earlier in the week as my partner more or less confirmed everything I was thinking, we were on the same page and doing it as a team, now he's seen how upset I am about it he seems to also be just as confused as I am which has made it worse.

It's creeping up to the appointment time and I'm feeling very panicky

Please don't panic. I think there are both mental health boards and pregnancy choices boards on here, you could ask mn to move your thread and you might get more replies from people better placed to answer your questions.

Thank you HJ40

I have a scan on Thursday, I can have the treatment there and then or just have the scan and wait to decide what to do she said if I still want the treatment, just phone back after the scan.

Ok that's good you don't have a hard deadline of Thursday. It sounds like you're understandably traumatized. This is a big decision. I'd advise you to wait till you're feeling more stable /not in panic mode before you decide on anything. Maybe use the next few days to talk to your gp and counselor about your medication and support options if you were to continue with the pregnancy. Maybe even ask for something to calm you down so you can think straight.
Just because you had a horrific experience before does not mean it will happen again. I hope you get the support and care you need. X

Thank you x

I was all set on the decision the other night when we both agreed, it was a firm decision, we were sad but confident it was right, we were both on exactly the same page, we were thinking practically and my partner was worried about my mental health and now it's all up in the air again.

@HJ40

Please don't panic. I think there are both mental health boards and pregnancy choices boards on here, you could ask mn to move your thread and you might get more replies from people better placed to answer your questions.

Thank you, I'm not sure how to message to get the post moved?