Feeling a bit jealous of a friend's baby news

[ellecf21]

I am currently pregnant with my first baby which is super exciting, especially after going on a bit of a journey to get here with PCOS. My friend who was also pregnant with twins for a proportion of that time (which was a lovely bonding experience for us) has recently given birth to her babies which is amazing news but I have been surprised by feelings of jealousy and this feeling that my pregnancy no longer matters now that her babies are here, particularly to our close group of friends.

I know this sounds stupid but she's also a big social media user, posting every second of it and every gift she is receiving so it feels really in my face, whereas I don't really post much on social (just don't feel a need) and Im feeling a bit left in the dark.

I just need someone to tell me to pull myself together and stop being silly. I'm obviously thrilled for her, especially as she also struggled with her journey and had her twins through IVF and it's early days as they just had them two weeks ago, but I have this horrible feeling of jealousy and I'm not sure what I'm particularly jealous about and I don't like feeling like this.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I'm also wondering if it's my hormones playing up being 24 weeks pregnant. Help, support and experiences much appreciated. X

@Strawberryjellyicecream

Why do you think your pregnancy no longer matters?

I don't know why. Not to me obviously it's everything to me, but I almost weirdly feel left behind. I know it's silly, but I didn't expect this feeling at all and don't want to talk to my friends about it as I know it's ridiculous!

Yeah I get this. My friend is six days ahead of me (we're 6 and 7 weeks) and I'm jealous that she's closer to the 'safe' zone than I am. This is my second baby but her first so I feel like her baby will matter more to our group of friends than mine will. At the same time, I also feel a bit guilty that I'm 'overshadowing' her first pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones are weird!

Maybe you just wish your baby was here already! You are probably anxious to get on to the next part.

Don't worry, it's just a touch of pregnancy insanity. You will have waves of this for a few years but then one day you will look back and laugh.

I do sort of understand, but I actually felt the opposite - I so missed the magic of being pregnant after my babies were born. Pregnancy is so full of anticipation and excitement, but for me, the glow soon rubbed off a few weeks into the baby days. This was especially the case for my second baby, we were back to earth with a bump within about a fortnight of his arrival.

Pregnancy and early motherhood is so brief and transitory for something so significant in our lives. Just try to be present in where you are now - before you know it, your baby will be here too.

Congratulations and good luck!

I was 3 months behind one of my best friends in our pregnancies. I was quite jealous when she gave birth, but then it was lovely to have a gorgeous tiny newborn when her DC was 3 months old. The novelty will have worn off once yours is born and everyone will be ready for new baby cuddles again, don't worry

Ladies thank you so much for all your thoughts and experiences on this! It makes me feel better reading through these and getting a different perspective as well. I think there is definitely a touch of pregnancy insanity going on (i love that phrase!!) but really helps to have a bit of support when you feel you can't talk to your friends about it.

How lovely that you and your friend will have babies close in age with only a few months age difference! Will they be in the same school year?

I wouldn't worry about these feelings tbh - clearly don't mention them to your friend or others (!) but just accept that pregnancy is an emotional and hormonal time and you might get weird feelings that make no sense at times.

I haven't been in your shoes. I've been jealous of pregnancies when I've not been pregnant or after miscarriages. But I've not had this type of jealousy while pregnant. But what I will say is that I think it's entirely normal! It's something I don't like about that time of our lives when we're having babies, trying to have babies, losing babies, watching friends have babies, etc. Having children is not a picnic. It's often a difficult path for many and most women who walk around with their child or children have war wounds and war stories they don't discuss. One of the beauties of getting older (I'm 50 now) is being out of that race. As beautiful a time as it is, having our babies, it is emotionally trying and I think, as young mums, we constantly set the bar so high for ourselves and so we feel like failures so easily. Social media is the devil!
This didn't exist when I had DC1 (20) and I think this really helped me over the years when I had my other children in the age of social media. Switch off. Unplug. Disable notifications. It's really, really good for your mental health and will allow you to enjoy your pregnancy a lot more OP.

First of all, congratulations! 🥳🎉

As for the other thing...yeah I understand you, it's totally normal. Try to accept even those feelings, they are perfectly normal x