Unplanned pregnancy and 2 under 2

ZS2021 · 2022-03-06T22:13:28+00:00

Hi, I hope you are all in the best of health. I am writing this message to ask for some advice, support, comfort and most of all- to shed out all the emotions I’m feeling. I had my baby boy 8 months ago via a forceps delivery which then caused me to get a 3C degree tear. My stitches had healed but unfortunately there’s a defect in them and now I need surgery again. It’s been a very traumatic experience in all honesty, and it’s still ongoing. I’m still having trouble passing wind as I have extra holes and therefore, I have no control over it. But, the predicament that I am in now is that I recently found out I am pregnant. The truth is that I am not happy whatsoever. I am very early on in my pregnancy (4weeks+) and I don’t know what to do. I know that some of you may consider this wrong but I have considered an abortion too. The only difference is that my heart doesn’t agree with it. The consultants have said that I cannot have a natural birth anymore, so this birth will have to be a c section. But, I haven’t even had my surgery or started healing and now I’m going to go through it again. I also don’t have an easy pregnancy as I had Hyperemesis last time. I truly don’t know what to do and my emotions are all over the place. I know that children are a blessing. But this was not planned and I am panicking to the max. Two children under two, not being in the best health- everything is getting to me. Your prayers will be appreciated.

Cakecakecheese · 06/03/2022 22:41

You have to seriously consider your health, having another baby when you're not recovered from the last one could be really tough on you physically and mentally.

fishchipsandmushypea · 06/03/2022 23:01

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Puppyseahorse · 06/03/2022 23:05

Please ignore that awful and ridiculous comment above OP. I’m sorry you are going through all this- you have every right to feel as you do. Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel, and the potential for termination? Have you spoken to GP or anyone else?

Original poster

ZS2021 · 07/03/2022 08:41

@Puppyseahorse

Please ignore that awful and ridiculous comment above OP. I’m sorry you are going through all this- you have every right to feel as you do. Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel, and the potential for termination? Have you spoken to GP or anyone else?

Thank you so much for lovely worlds. Thankfully, I never got to read what they had written. My husband is really supportive and said will be happy with what I want. He's not happy if I go for the termination but he understands the reasoning. I'm ringing my GP today to see what the next step will be. I just don't know what to do or feel in all honesty

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Original poster

ZS2021 · 07/03/2022 08:42

@Cakecakecheese

You have to seriously consider your health, having another baby when you're not recovered from the last one could be really tough on you physically and mentally.

I know, hence I'm etching towards a termination but my heart isn't agreeing with it even when I'm not happy about this pregnancy. If anything, I'm so upset and angry with myself

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Puppyseahorse · 07/03/2022 13:50

Try not to give yourself a hard time, you’re not the first woman in this position and you won’t be the last. Abortion is safe and legal in this country because situations like this do happen. MSI offer a counselling call to help you think about your options- they might be a good first port of call. Good luck OP

MissEDashwood19 · 07/03/2022 14:34

This is such a tough situation to find yourself in. I am so sorry that you're suffering from birth injuries.

In your position, and I know this will be unpopular, I would think long and hard about the implications of choosing abortion.

An abortion can have long lasting negative effects on a relationship, particularly if your partner wants the baby and you plan on having future children together. It can be a trauma for some women, if they aren't 100% sure, which you sounds as if you're not.

So if your heart can't agree to it, your words, I would seek counselling and also guidance from a doctor. A planned c-section is often a very positive birthing experience for mothers.

Whatever you decide, you need a lot of support around you.

Isonthecase · 07/03/2022 14:45

What an awful situation to find yourself in. Personally I'm not sure on the answer but it does have to be something you feel comfortable with as it's you who has to live with the consequences.

I had some issues post birth with my first and now have a second but with a much bigger gap conceived well after they were sorted. I don't know what I would have done in your situation despite keeping two unplanned pregnancies in different circumstances.

SunnySideUp2020 · 07/03/2022 15:10

Thats sounds very hard.

Have you spoken to your doctor? Maybe that would be the first step, see what they recommend given your injuries and the risks involved? If there are any? Maybe the surgery can happen after the 2nd birth?

As for 2 under 2, I am pregnant with a 10m old currently and it is hard. I dont even have bad morning sickness but the lack of sleep and constant need to entertain and look after a very active small child is really exhausting. I am definitely not enjoying this pregnancy to be completely honest. And it was very much wanted...

Whatever you choose will be right because it will be the best for you and your family.

Original poster

ZS2021 · 07/03/2022 16:21

@MissEDashwood19

This is such a tough situation to find yourself in. I am so sorry that you're suffering from birth injuries.

In your position, and I know this will be unpopular, I would think long and hard about the implications of choosing abortion.

An abortion can have long lasting negative effects on a relationship, particularly if your partner wants the baby and you plan on having future children together. It can be a trauma for some women, if they aren't 100% sure, which you sounds as if you're not.

So if your heart can't agree to it, your words, I would seek counselling and also guidance from a doctor. A planned c-section is often a very positive birthing experience for mothers.

Whatever you decide, you need a lot of support around you.

Thank you so much for your kinds words, that truly mean a lot. You're right in regards to the implications of abortion, I'm also a mature mother (35) so I know it's all quite risky too especially if I choose to have more children in the future. My head is everywhere in all honesty. My husband is amazing and even if decide to go with the abortion, he would support me even if he doesn't agree with it and wants the baby. But I'm soo scared of how I'll cope with two babies under two. My family live up north (Manchester) and my husband and I laws are from Essex. If I keep the baby, I have to leave my job too- I'm a secondary school teacher. So everything is just getting to me

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Original poster

ZS2021 · 07/03/2022 16:25

@SunnySideUp2020

Thats sounds very hard.

Have you spoken to your doctor? Maybe that would be the first step, see what they recommend given your injuries and the risks involved? If there are any? Maybe the surgery can happen after the 2nd birth?

As for 2 under 2, I am pregnant with a 10m old currently and it is hard. I dont even have bad morning sickness but the lack of sleep and constant need to entertain and look after a very active small child is really exhausting. I am definitely not enjoying this pregnancy to be completely honest. And it was very much wanted...

Whatever you choose will be right because it will be the best for you and your family.

So I rang my doctor and they said that I had to submit a pregnancy form with the midwife centre. I have to wait for them to get back to me. In regards to surgery after the baby is here, I think that's what they'll do but my pelvic floor muscles are really weak and because of the defect I have, I have wind passing all the time from the extra hole and problems with my bowel movements at times.

May I ask how many months you are pregnant? My baby boy will be 17 months by the time this baby comes and I'm so scared of how I'll cope. It's so much for me to even take in at the moment that everything I do think I about it, I can't stop crying.
I'm scared that my hyperemesis will come back too as it started very early on in my first pregnancy too

OP posts:

Original poster

ZS2021 · 07/03/2022 16:27

@Puppyseahorse

Try not to give yourself a hard time, you’re not the first woman in this position and you won’t be the last. Abortion is safe and legal in this country because situations like this do happen. MSI offer a counselling call to help you think about your options- they might be a good first port of call. Good luck OP

Thank you for the advice. May I ask what MSI is? I tried to speak to my doctor about it but I was referred to the midwifery department so I really don't know who I can speak to anymore

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Nelliephant1 · 07/03/2022 16:42

You have eight months before your baby arrives, a lot can and will change in that time. Your firstborn will be older, hopefully your health will be better even though you'll be pregnant. Just because you were super sick before, doesn't mean that you will be this time.

My eldest two are sixteen months apart and I wouldn't change anything. They grew up together and were so close in age that we could do all the "first" holidays and trips together.

irishfarmer · 07/03/2022 17:12

Tough position I don't envy you. I don't want to influence you so maybe should keep my mouth shut, but it sounds like you would regret the abortion. Especially if you decide to have more children. Or when your two get older you will think there should be a third and that you would have managed.

Only you can weigh up what is best for you. Some counselling would help. I'm sure the GP will be able to advise on some non judgemental/ impartial services.

Puppyseahorse · 07/03/2022 17:18

MSI is Marie stopes international. If you decide you want a termination, they can help you with that, but before that, they offer a counselling phone call to help you decide what you want.

caringcarer · 07/03/2022 21:12

It depends on how supportive your DH is. Will he take over from you when he walk on door after work and tell you to lie down and nap or will he expect dinner on table? You could take time off from teaching. I took 3 1/2 years out when my first dd born then DS born 19 months later. I went back to teaching when DS started nursery at 2. I never regretted taking time out and kids grew up together. In your position I would get surgery for birth repairs and you have a bit of time before you have to make up your mind about pregnancy. Give yourself a few weeks to get used to the idea. Maybe you would not be so sick this time. Women are often more sick with first pregnancy.

SunnySideUp2020 · 08/03/2022 05:31

@ZS2021

Definitely wait for your doctor's opinion before making your decision. He probably has some experience with this type of birth injuries and pregnancy.

It sounds like it would be incredibly hard for you. My baby would be 17 or 18 months when the new one comes.
I am 9weeks today.

Hope you get a consult soon enough. Keep us updated.

X

PinkNails1 · 08/03/2022 05:36

@Cakecakecheese

You have to seriously consider your health, having another baby when you're not recovered from the last one could be really tough on you physically and mentally.

I agree with this. It’s your choice, not your dh’s. Some women are fine with small age gaps (as in a year) between dc, but your body hasn’t healed yet and you’re still having issues postpartum.