no judgement please - has anyone used a surrogate?

[Suehuang99]

genuine experiences - would hugely appreciate. unable to get pregnant

You'd be better asking this in the Surrogacy section OP. I'm sure you'll get a few responses there x

Have you sought advice from a fertility specialist? Would donor gametes be a consideration?

If you dont want judgement, dont engage in human trafficking.

^ that is why you sadly won’t get rational responses on here.
Hide the thread and find a surrogacy forum/website.

That is a rational response. Just one you don't agree with. You can't dictate the responses others give.

"Many surrogates" - so you admit that not all surrogates are aware and fully consenting. Sounds like the happy hooker fallacy.

@nocoolnamesleft

"Many surrogates" - so you admit that not all surrogates are aware and fully consenting. Sounds like the happy hooker fallacy.

Well, quite clearly I don't know every fucking surrogate on a personal level, do I? So I can't ask them. Fucking hell.

OP - I’m opposed to surrogacy but in an attempt to be neutral and helpful, what I would say is that you’ll need to develop a thicker skin if you go ahead with commissioning a baby. You will receive a fair bit of “judgement” especially if you do it via a woman in a poorer country. If you couldn’t cope with that ….desist.

I’m sorry for your fertility struggles and I mean that sincerely.

Maybe use the surrogacy board, you'll get a more balanced viewpoint.

A friend of mine used a surrogate, a UK based one who did it because she had a family of her own and wanted to give the same to other women. A friend of mine is also considering becoming a surrogate, purely for altruistic purposes. I think some people are of the idea that all surrogates are poor, used women in developing countries who have no choice but to sell their bodies. It's not always the case.

@GreenClock

OP - I’m opposed to surrogacy but in an attempt to be neutral and helpful, what I would say is that you’ll need to develop a thicker skin if you go ahead with commissioning a baby. You will receive a fair bit of “judgement” especially if you do it via a woman in a poorer country. If you couldn’t cope with that ….desist.

I’m sorry for your fertility struggles and I mean that sincerely.

This.

You will have to deal with it, if you go ahead with it.

People will judge. Behind your back. To your face. Spread it around a bit.

Not for you? Dont do it then.

No, because even though we were struggling to get pregnant, we'd never buy a baby.

We did IVF, which worked, but we had never, ever considered surrogacy. Hard no.

I tried twice, without reservation, to be a gestational surrogate to a family member but it didn’t work unfortunately. I don’t know how common that is. The biggest issue for me was that the intended parents would have wanted to terminate for eg. Down’s Syndrome, whereas I wouldn’t have, but my husband and I worked through that before we started.

Nope but I’ve been one. Don’t personally agree with international surrogacy-can be extremely exploitative, but uk surrogacy-wellI just don’t understand the angst of it. Never met anyone whose been negative towards it, everybody is always in awe and thinks it’s amazing. Mn is like some sort or parallel universe in regards to surrogacy and I say that as someone whose been on mn since the very start.

A friend of mine has a surrogate who’s currently 30 weeks. She was born without a womb but could produce eggs. They put their story out on social media and some lovely woman in the area that we know wanted to help her and offered to be a surrogate for her.

Your life your choice op- do what makes you happy. Like others have said I would join a surrogacy group. Best of luck x

@TyrannosaurusRegina

Maybe use the surrogacy board, you'll get a more balanced viewpoint.

A friend of mine used a surrogate, a UK based one who did it because she had a family of her own and wanted to give the same to other women. A friend of mine is also considering becoming a surrogate, purely for altruistic purposes. I think some people are of the idea that all surrogates are poor, used women in developing countries who have no choice but to sell their bodies. It's not always the case.

I know two women who have been altruistic surrogates. It bought them a lot of joy to give to another family what they themselves valued so much. You might find better support and information on one of the surrogacy groups on FB.