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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant and bf on drugs

35 replies

KTM1314 · 02/03/2022 22:48

Been with my bf for 2 years when I found out I was pregnant he begged me to keep it. I was undecided and really anxious because of his disappearing acts. Long story short he goes ‘missing’ every weekend. He’s paid on Fridays and when he goes ‘missing’ he blows his weekly wage within the weekend and hasn’t contributed anything towards the baby. He ignores me and when he comes off them he acts like nothings happened. He’s on coke and major denial.
He doesn’t live with me, he is 4 years older, he lost his driving licence to drug driving which he denied and went to prison for 8 weeks because of it. He went home to his da last night and his da walked in on him hallucinating off his face and threw him out the house. So he’s gone back on the sesh and haven’t heard from him at all. Also haven’t seen him for 2.5 weeks.
I know I deserve better and will not be leaving him on his own with baby when he comes but it’s so hard.

OP posts:

GinnyBee · 03/03/2022 15:15

Do you want financial support from him? If so he will need to be on birth cert and all that goes along with that.

This isn't true. You can claim child support even if he isn't on the birth certificate. It's just generally easier if he is as parentage is assumed. If he isn't he can deny he is the father and the court will ask him to provide proof.

Original poster

KTM1314 · 03/03/2022 16:08

I don't know how to reply to people. But I've phoned csa today he is liable to pay unless he can prove a dna test that he isn't the biological father of which he is. So he's not going on the birth certificate.

His parents are separated but I don't think they'd stop him seeing the baby if he was in there care so will have to be visits at my house. I don't think that will go down well with his mum but his dad completely understands. I haven't spoke to his mum but I have his dad. All this stress over a piece of Shi! But in my head it's my baby as someone said he's not capable of fatherhood or adulthood and ain't no man ever going to be the reason I could lose my child.

Just got to keep strong and concentrate on myself and baby now. Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:

Cakecakecheese · 03/03/2022 16:15

People are just concerned about the child being born into this.

You're right you do need to look after your mental health. Are you getting any support? Pregnancy can be tough enough as it is without all these worries on top.

Maybe post on the relationships board and ask for stories of people who had to end relationships because of their partner's drug use? I'm sure there will be people who will understand what you're going through.

Unforgettablefire · 03/03/2022 16:39

I brought my dd up alone, her dad was more or less the same and I dumped him not long after she was born when I realised he wouldn’t change.
We were both young but he’s still the same now so I made the right choice. Dd is now in her 30s and hasn’t got the time of day for him for the simple fact he’s an arsehole and was never any kind of dad.
I used to visit his side of the family with dd and sometimes they’d have her overnight they are good people and he didn’t live with them. Hopefully you can work something out.
You have my sympathy it’s a horrible lonely position to be in but trust me your life with him will be nothing but misery if you stay. Get rid of him not just for your baby but for you as well, you’re important too. X

TowerStork · 03/03/2022 17:27

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I think you’ll be better off speaking to a counsellor if that’s possible rather than getting judgement from strangers online who don’t know you or your situation. Clearly many posters have never had to deal with addiction or mental illness up close so they find it really easy to judge you.

I do know people who had children with ‘less than ideal’ fathers – they are all unique situations.
Is there a group for single mothers you could join?
Do you have good supports from your own family and friends to help you?
Do you have a good relationship with his parents? If so, could you speak to them about your concerns and intentions?

The advice above about not using the dad’s surname or putting him the birth-cert seems sensible.

Luckytobeamummy · 03/03/2022 22:51

You are strong! You had the balls to post something on here!
But seriously you are.. you've ended the relationship and you are doing what's best for you and your baby! Do everything on your terms, if any of his family wants to the baby, they have to stick to your rules. Or like you have said they can go to your house to see the baby. You will probably get shit off them because of the surname but again that's your decision not theirs..
I wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you
Xx

Itstimetoquit · 09/03/2022 19:28

Sounds very similar to my story,how are you op x

Original poster

KTM1314 · 09/03/2022 22:00

@Itstimetoquit

Sounds very similar to my story,how are you op x

I'm good feeling better everyday. How are you? Did you stay with your oh?

OP posts:

Itstimetoquit · 12/05/2022 15:23

Hi op how are you x

runnerblade95 · 12/05/2022 15:28

You need to leave the boyfriend or social services may take your child away.

Might? My god, it’s pretty much guaranteed that social services will remove the child from your care and so they should.

Because while you are not the parent who is actually taking the drugs, you are fully aware of the fact that your partner is taking the drugs which is just as bad.

You’d be a fool to stay with this person any longer than you already have. Please get away from him before he ruins your life beyond repair.

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