Would you keep a baby the dad wants nothing to do with?

[Newuser1996190]

I found out I have PCOS as well as having a blocked tube. I was told I would really struggle to have children, and came to terms with it a few years ago. Well.... I'm 5 weeks pregnant, and the dad doesn't want anything to do with me or the child? So I need advice on what you would do in my situation?
I live in a small 1 bedroom flat by myself, and would definitely need to find somewhere bigger if I decided to keep the baby. I already know I would also need help from the government and have to apply for some benefits just to get by. I would plan to go back to work after maternity, however childcare costs are so high I'd basically be working to pay for childcare! The baby's dad doesn't want kids, and never has and never will. He has made it perfectly clear he wouldn't want anything to do with the child, including seeing and paying for it. I never thought I'd conceive naturally, and im wondering if it'd ever happen again? What would you do in my situation?

I was going to say only if I could afford it - but in your case, I can see you might want to go ahead because, as you say, you don't know when you'll get another chance and it sounds like you very much want a child.

I guess in your circumstances I would accept the biological father's unwillingness to be involved and not hold him to anything, and just do what I could to support myself. You could remain in small one-bed for a while with a tiny baby, so no need to rush for somewhere bigger.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

He doesn’t have a choice about not paying for his child.

I would weigh up my chances of getting pregnant again versus reality of raising a child alone.
Do you have family support?
How old are you?
What are your prospects of improving your salary in time?
Do you feel ready to be a mother?

You don't need him, you can do this by yourself. He will have to pay though whether he likes it or not.

Only you can decide whether to keep the baby but with your medical issues you could reasonably decide it may be your only chance. It will be hard financially but not impossible.
Regarding the father's responsibility: did you always know he didn't want children but reassured him that he didn't have to worry as you couldn't conceive or did you both knowingly take the risk of getting pregnant?

If you want your baby, keep it. Forget him. He'll probably have to pay anyway!!

The key question is what are your chances of getting pregnant again? And if you can’t, how will you feel about that?

There’s nothing wrong w keeping the baby if you want to. The father will have to contribute financially whether he wants to or not. You won’t have to move for a year or so. And you aren’t the first person to need government help. Plenty of people work to pay childcare! - whatever you do do keep working, you might blow all your money for a few years, but you will have a career that will earn you money later.

On the other hand, if you aren’t too bothered about having kids, it’s going to be hard work and restrictive, and you may not want to do it.

So think about what you want in your heart, and do that - but be ruthlessly practical and grown up about planning how you will manage it.

Iv done it alone before when I was young and I managed and it helped me get where I am today because I had a tiny person who depended on me. If this seams like it could be your only chance, and it’s happened which I believe everything happens for a reason, then I say grab it with both hands and never look back. You will never regret having a baby

If i wanted children then I would keep the child.

I did, and don’t regret it. He was an unemployed bum though, so had no money to pay child support.

I don’t mind anyway, everything my son ever had is what I paid for.

Yes, I'd keep the baby for certain. And he doesn't get to choose not to pay for his child.

Yes of course. Why should someone else , or the fact of their unreliability, decide on the life of my unborn child?

Yes, I think I would. I also have PCOS and have 3 children (2 after fertility treatment). With just one child, you could actually be back earning a decent wage (or studying) within 3 years - possibly 2 depending on when you get free child care. On the whole people never look at a child they love and wish they didn't have them. However, if toy then went on to have more children as a single parent, that's when life seems to get very hard,

Yeah.

From my experience it's actually far easier to be a single parent without the constant bio-dad politics!!

I kept the baby - she's 16 in a couple of weeks and she's been a joy!
Have you worked out if you can get help with childcare? There's a website called entitledto.co.uk which can tell you if you'd be eligible.

@Chilledchablis1

He doesn’t have a choice about not paying for his child.

Don’t count on that, my ex never paid a penny as he “wasn’t working or claiming benefits” if you do keep the baby just be prepared that you may not actually get any money , and that you will be doing it all alone. If you are ok with that then that’s up to you.

In your position I would absolutely keep the baby if I wanted to. He doesn't have to raise it, but he will have no choice but to pay cms. There are plenty of ways he can get round paying, so don't rely on any of his money.

In your situation I would keep my baby. Babies need love and care, finances are secondary although obviously a consideration.Good luck whatever you decide x

I would keep the baby. Tbh I wouldn't be so concerned about a father who didn't want anything at all to do with you, I'd be more concerned about a controlling father who was likely to push for shared custody just to spite you, only to dump the baby on his mum.

If it were me, I would keep it if my chances of conceiving in the future were unlikely, either due to age or infertility factors. Because of the blocked tube and PCOS, one of these is the case for you. If you want a child, go for it. When I had my first child in poor circumstances, I lived in a 1 bed flat, it was absolutely fine until I was offered a housing association house once my child was 2. I was granted urgent need status once my child turned 2 as I was then classed as overcrowded, but this depends on area and this was many years ago too. But I would have been fine to continue in a 1 bed for longer, I co-slept with my daughter. Even now when I am (much) older and own a bigger house, my youngest child co-slept until age 5. 1 bed flat is fine for a couple, be that a childless couple or a parent and child. I don't envy your decision OP. Try to think what you want, and what you can manage on your own. If you'll have any support from friends or family?

@SerendipitySunshine

Yes, I'd keep the baby for certain. And he doesn't get to choose not to pay for his child.

God I wish this was true.

I got one months CDA from DD1s dad and then he vanished off the face of the earth. He met her once the morning she was born when he brought his new girlfriend to the ward with him dolled up to the nines after I had just had an incredibly difficult labour and looked like shite after what felt like 8 minutes sleep. Click clacking heels still set my teeth on edge.

She is 17 now and I got a letter last year from CMS asking me if I wanted to pursue for estimated £25k outstanding maintenance. Nah no thanks. I'm making more than enough to support my family and I'm happy he gets zero claim on her as a "parent".

Kept mine- she is a dream come true and the centre of my world. It is not always easy but always worth it.

Are you the same poster who posted the exact same scenario on the conception board earlier today? Wild coincidence if not

I wouldn't worry about the finances or the practicality of it all. One way or another it will work out.
However, I work with a lot of adults whose life circumstances have been significantly affected due to having an emotionally/physically absent parent. Consequently I would seriously consider the potential impact of not having another support network for your child, as no matter how amazing a parent you are, having a parent that wants little or nothing to do with them can have a really negative impact on the child's identity and sense of self, which can be difficult to navigate.
Definitely the most difficult aspect of parenting alone in my personal (and professional) opinion.