Last time I told them I was pregnant she didn’t speak to me until baby was 2 years old

[Nikki037297]

I’m 8 weeks pregnant. All is going good so far and usually we announce it to immediately family before the 12 week scan. However my partners brother and girlfriend have no children. They have been together 20 years, he has children from a previous marriage but for some reason they never managed to have a child. When we told them last time we were expecting she stopped speaking to us. His brother would come over ask how I was doing and I’d tell him fine and show him my scan pics and what not. His girlfriend wouldn’t come in the house she would sit outside in his car. When the baby was born the brother came to see the baby we were sat in our front garden as it was summer and his girlfriend wouldn’t even get out of the car or look over at us and he had literally parked at the end of our driveway 7 metres away! The brother sat down and I asked if he would like to hold my baby he said he would but it had been a long time I said it’s fine I put the baby onto him he had a snuggle he did great and I seen her look once and her face looked evil! They went away and my partner got a txt off his brother saying sorry about The way she’s going on she’s jealous and it’s peeing him off too. He said she went crazy at him for holding the baby!
After 2 years she bumped into us and spoke to us, spoke to the toddler as if nothing was wrong and I forgave her thinking maybe she’s having a hard time I don’t know. Now I’m pregnant again and haven’t told anyone yet but I imagine we wills soon. I’m dreading their reaction, I’m sure I shouldn’t have to feel this way and worry about what people will say or do.
Anyone else have issues with in-laws or friends who can’t have children and they react not so good when you have a baby? How do you deal with it?? Just tell them and leave them and wait for them to contact you? I feel bad for her already and I haven’t told them yet

She has issues. She either can’t conceive or can’t stay pregnant. She is jealous. As far as she is concerned you are a bitch flaunting your fertility with your tongue sticking out. She will behave the same. Get your partner to tell his brother. Do not talk about pregnancy unless spoken too. And then stay out of it. I faced someone like that - she was bloody nasty. And as for empathy it’s a two way street and if you can’t say something nice don’t say it all. If she was so hurt why sit in the car? Why not stay at home? Attention seeking - best stay out of it.

Get your DH to deal with it.

It's entirely her and your dbils problem.

Carry on and don't give it another thought.

You can't fix what she's got

I think you just have to accept that you may well get the same reaction again

I imagine she must be really hurting inside if she is unable to stop herself behaving in such an obviously unreasonable way

There isn't really anything you can do to change the way she reacts to your pregnancy

If she was actually solely saddened by the arrival of a baby in the family she would have stayed home. She didn't. She came and made a pointed effort to be as noticed as possible by remaining in the car and scowling at you all.

These, quite frankly, are the actions of an attention seeking person who will make a mountain out of any mole Hill. She may well be sad (or worse) at their infertility, but it's hard to have sympathy for someone who then chooses to act like a 10 year old in a strop.

Get dh to message BIL.

At the first mention of him visiting the baby, dh should be quite clear "we appreciate your DP may not wish to come visit, however please bear in mind that her sitting scowling at us from the car does little to make anyone feel better about all of this"

Thanks everyone your absolutely right she could have stayed home instead of coming then staying in the car in plain sight watching us and making faces. I do feel for her because something must have gone on. I’m not the only person in the family who has been pregnant and had children I’m just not close enough to know if she was like that with them also but my partner said she’s always been like a spoilt child if something doesn’t go her way. I wills let my partner tell his side of the family. We often visit his dad and often his brother and her can be there and I’m not looking forward to running into her after she has found out

She sounds horrible but it is not your problem-you can choose not to associate with her.

Yeah she does sound very odd the more I think of her now and after she started talking to me again she kept coming out with stories of how she was pregnant but once she rang me to say she’s pregnant and not telling her partner of 20 years I said why ever not? Why tell me??? She said i trust you…. Then said she had been onto the hospital and they would send her pills to end her pregnancy and she doesn’t want it. I said they won’t do that, she said they wills they said I said nope they will need to scan you first make sure the baby is in the correct place first. Then she went quiet and realised I was correct then I said I had to go anyways. Told my partner something odd was going on he didn’t understand why she’s telling me and then saying she’s going to end the pregnancy anyways then I got a text 2 hours later from her saying she miscarried and she’s glad……
I really don’t know what’s up with her but for a grown woman in her 40s she’s a very odd ball

She sounds like a certifiable nutjob

My sister had this with her sister in law, there's a whole big backstory but basically N (the sister is law) is a bit jealous of my sister and will copy her when she buys shoes and things, it's a bit mad. She always wants the attention from the family and things, so when my sister announced she was pregnant, N was fuming! 2 days later, N and her partner came in and announced that they were getting abroad and the in laws better all get their passports sorted (both the parents were scared to fly and had never been abroad). N didn't speak to my sister until my niece turned nine. She's nearly fifteen now and N and her partner still haven't gotten married!!

@Nikki037297
First of all Nikki massive congratulations to you and your family! I just read this and my heart sank. You are obviously a very self less person and that shines through your post. But jezze your SIL sounds awful! Yes it's sad if she can't conceive or is having some issues but like you say your not that close for her to open up to you about this so why on earth do you feel bad? This is YOUR life, your pregnancy, your happy moment please do not let her taint it for you. And what ever you do don't apologise for being pregnant because she isn't. Shout it from the rooftops and how ever she wants to react is HER issue not yours. You can't change what people think or fee but you can change how you react to it. Good luck 💐

I'd say she wants kids but for some reason it's not happends and she's bitter and twisted

Thank you everyone
@mrstea301 that’s odd you say that as now looking back SIL always copied my! Asked where I got my clothes, few days later she would have the exact same, said she wants the same dog as me and she did go through a stage before my last pregnancy where she copied almost everything I Bought or had and she would get very jealous when her DP would talk to me and once we talked about the holiday me and partner had been on so BIL spoke about a holiday he went on with his brother when they were younger on their other brothers stag do many years ago and we all chatted about abroad and holidays and she sat there with a frown and walked off and left us and BIL went after her she said don’t ever talk about holidays because you know I’m scared to fly and have never been on holiday so your pushing me out. I had no idea she had never flown anywhere but I didn’t get why she was jealous we had been on various holidays and she hadn’t it’s not something to get upset over. Iv told my family so far about the pregnancy everyone excited, DP going to tell his this week and take a scan photo to his dads house, she goes there a lot and I fear she won’t like this when she sees it on his fire place and think it’s a bad idea and I’m worrying because I don’t want to cause any upset

Best you two stay out of each other's way. She probably really wanted kids but for some reason it didn't happen and that's really difficult, and in many ways she dealt with your previous pregnancy the best possible way for her - if she didn't think she can be happy for you and nice about it, it's better to avoid and not say anything than to start a fight.

Or, she's got some other attention seeking issues and the best way to deal with that is to not play along, so again, ignore and only worry about your own stuff, not hers.

I don’t see her too often lately but usually once the warmer weather comes they will come over regular for garden parties and bbqs that we have a lot of family over for as we have a bar in the garden and a hot tub and everyone just loves to come here, unfortunately I won’t be using either of those this year lol but will still join in with the bbqs of course. So I’d rather she just found out before they came by my partner telling his brother and then if she doesn’t want to speak to me then I guess she wills either not show up at the gatherings or sit in his partners car outside my house again. My partner plans to tell his side of the family on Friday this week we know his father will be very excited for another grand child but I am worried about upsetting her as it’s absolutely not my intention but I can’t just hide it forever and shouldn’t need too and then I’ll be worried about going to FIL house incase she shows up and causes a scene about it in the near future as we very often take the grand children to see their grandad they love seeing him.