Am I Mad...advice please!

[Dazedandconfusedm11]

I am 50 and have a lovely and bright 6 year old..conceived naturally. Dad is 42.

I tried for a 2nd soon after but had a few losses. So decided to look at IVF. Due to COVID it delayed the process and I am now at the stage where I can choose a donor egg and try to get pregnant.

I am fit, healthy and financially secure.

Am I Mad for wanting a sibling for my child and a much loved and wanted child?

Anyone out there have a child at 50?

If I miss this chance of having a child this year, then I would not pursue any further.

In one way it is a crazy idea..but the next my child is not too old for a sibling.

My dad was 16 when I was born and he died when I was 9..so I would have loved to have had my dad more than 9 years but young parent did not mean long life...

What do you all think?

Is it really fair on any child? My mother was 40 when I was born 45 when my sister was born, and we were always aware how much older she was then other mums. There are now plenty of 40 year old mums, although not as many as MN would have you believe, but 50+ is a stretch even with current trends.

Only you can decide, I do know someone who had one naturally at 52, however, I don't see them anymore and don't know how that went as she got older. I'm early 60s and I can't think I would have the energy for a 10 year old now🤔 and I would definitely be taken for its grandma at the school gates. One of my sons school friends had a dad in his 70s when they started secondary school but somehow nobody ever comments when it's the man!!

I don't, and never have got on with my older sibling who was a bully but two of mine who have the biggest age gap are best mates, always have been and still see each other most days 30 years later.

I work with many people in their 90s and 100s who are still cognitively intact and independent, however, I've seen 60 year olds terminally ill with dementia with no quality of life. You just cannot tell which way things will turn out so you can only do your own risk assessment and decide what's best for your family situation.

Oh and I don't agree that you only regret the things you don't do...... I have many regrets of things I have done but definitely never regretted having children 😍

I agree that a parents age has no direct correlation with how long the child may have a fit and living parent.
As others say, disregard the sibling relationship that may, or may not be a close one.
Giving birth at 44 is very different to doing so at 50.
At 60 you will be exploring higher education options and visiting universities with your existing DC, very different to still hosting primary school sleepovers.
How will your relationship endure? At 65 (and 57) you will be free to go and do fun things together and make the most of your financial freedoms.
What if the new baby is not NT? Imagine the impact for the 3 of you.

Yes..all had children at 16..,

So your great nan had you gran at 16
You gran had your mum at 16
You mum had you at 16

You are 50
So your mum is 66
Your gran is 82
Your great gran is 98

Wow! Coincidence that all had a child at 16!

For those saying an age gap isn't an issue, it may well not be. It wasn't between my brothers and I until I was 18 and they were 11 and then the age gap seemed like a vast chasm. We didn't not get on but it took 10+ years to have any common ground again (I am now NC with one of them but that's got nothing to do with the age gap).

I won't tell someone they are too old or too young but I think things like if you can't conceive that's your bodies way of telling you are unfair. Many women at all ages have fertility issues.

I can tell you I am pregnant at 42 with a donor egg. It's a huge undertaking. I have found this pregnancy very hard and as it has gone on the responsibility of what it means to use donor gametes has started to weigh heavily. That's not to say I regret what I have done, I don't. But it's not as simple as having a baby. It adds a whole new dimension to what it means to have a child and it shouldn't be undertaken without serious consideration.

@Dazedandconfusedm11 I think age is just a number and if you feel up to it, that this what you really want and it will complete your family, go for it. Dont listen to others, follow your heart. It might or might not work, but at least you wont live with regrets

Why have you posted the exact same thread you have up already?

People can see both, you won’t get different answers if you don’t like the ones you’re getting.

Sorry Lawnfever..

I am new to MN and I posted in one space and then thought maybe that was the wrong space..so posted in a more relevant space.

Sorry I did not know the etiquette...

Apologies..

@Dazedandconfusedm11

I am 50 and have a lovely and bright 6 year old..conceived naturally. Dad is 42.

I tried for a 2nd soon after but had a few losses. So decided to look at IVF. Due to COVID it delayed the process and I am now at the stage where I can choose a donor egg and try to get pregnant.

I am fit, healthy and financially secure.

Am I Mad for wanting a sibling for my child and a much loved and wanted child?

Anyone out there have a child at 50?

If I miss this chance of having a child this year, then I would not pursue any further.

In one way it is a crazy idea..but the next my child is not too old for a sibling.

My dad was 16 when I was born and he died when I was 9..so I would have loved to have had my dad more than 9 years but young parent did not mean long life...

What do you all think?

Sorry..I just realised on my original post..my grammar was wrong...much loved and wanted child was in relation to having a 2nd child is this. I was wondering why I got certain responses. Thank you all for responding..

I’m confused