Pregnancy sickness taken a bit of a dark turn and I'm not sure how to stop

8 replies

notsurehowtostop · 21/02/2022 16:29

I wouldn't say I've ever had a particularly unhealthy relationship with food, I've always been naturally slim regardless of what I ate or how little I worked out so I've not always been the most healthy eater but also haven't been too far the other way. Until I was pregnant with my first, I ate so much, all quite rich sugary things, lots of cakes and pastries, a stupid amount really, lots of sweets and fizzy drinks which I don't usually eat, lots of fast food too. I put on a lot of weight during pregnancy which was something that had never happened to me before and I felt very self conscious, I did lose the weight and was back to a size 8 within a few months.

I'm pregnant with my second and have had quite severe sickness, I was being sick lots daily, so although I was eating a lot when I felt ok I wasn't gaining much weight, some of my bad habits from last pregnancy slipped back in and a diet with lots of salty fast food and cake mainly. As the sickness started to improve, I just felt like I couldn't stop eating badly and started feeling really guilty and anxious after eating but would do it anyway. Anyway the gist of it is somewhere along the way I've started making myself sick. Rather than restricting my diet I'm eating everything I crave, to be honest I'm doing so in amounts that no one person needs in one sitting and then throwing it all up with fingers down the throat.

Last week I said I'd stop after one last treat but I'm never actually stopping. I ate an entire dairy milk caramel half an hour ago and then threw it up and thought ok last time tomorrow as I've ordered pots of bloody edible cookie dough that are coming tomorrow. I'm now panicking that this has become something much bigger. I'm not saying I've become bulimic, I don't really know what I'm doing or how to stop. Has anyone had the same sort of thing and how did you deal with it. I know the simple answer is to stop eating so badly and stop forcing it up afterwards which is what I tell myself every time but then in the moment it just isn't happening. I can't believe I'm even writing something like this!

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Duracellbunnywannabe · 21/02/2022 16:31

Ring/text your midwife and tell her what is happening. No doubt she will have seen similar before and she won’t be judging you.

Geneticsbunny · 21/02/2022 16:32

I think you need to chat to your GP. Pregnancy does weird things to our brains and I think you need a bit of extra help. Hopefully someone who has been through this will come along in a min and can give some more advice

GeneLovesJezebel · 21/02/2022 16:34

You need to be honest with your MW and GP.
It’s good that you recognise it and are taking steps to help yourself 💐

hfm123 · 21/02/2022 22:33

@notsurehowtostop

As someone who has suffered with ED you need to seek help asap.

It will spiral and you can't risk your mental and physical health along with your baby.

Get the help you and your baby deserve it. You won't have the guilt either which is usually the worst part!!

madeleine85 · 21/02/2022 23:25

Op please talk to your midwife and get yourself referred for help. I was you with my last pregnancy. I leaned into old habits after bad morning sickness. I started going into labour at 32 weeks, she came at 35. Ultimately she was ok, but we had a 3 week nicu stint I wouldnt wish on anyone. She had to be intubated with a collapsed lung and had breathing issues for weeks. Now at 2, she is ok but every time there’s a cold, it lingers and goes straight to her lungs. I know it’s me that caused that through stupidity and I would never do it again. Until she’s older I’ll never know how bad the impact has been, and it’s a constant horrible blame feeling. I wish I’d been ready for help at the point you’re at now. It’s nice to see that you know you need it. Best of luck, please talk to someone. If you need it, pm me. Please really take care of yourself and your baby x

Original poster

notsurehowtostop · 22/02/2022 15:15

I keep going to ring my midwife and can't bring myself to do it. I know I'm being such a bad mum doing it but I've done it again since even posting this thread. I think I've just gotten so used to being sick that it doesn't really disgust me like it used to and once I've given in to all the sweet cravings the anxiety about the weight gain hits me and it's just so easy to do. I justified it to myself this morning of well I was being sick more than this when my sickness was worse so what difference does it really make

OP posts:

flowersfortea · 22/02/2022 15:56

So sorry to hear you’re going through this. Please do contact your midwife or GP, just read out your OP if you’re not sure what to say. They should refer you you the perinatal mental health team who can get some support in place for you asap, and your physical health may need closer monitoring for the rest of the pregnancy.

flowersfortea · 22/02/2022 15:58

Meant to add, in GP land we’re seeing so many more people developing disordered relationships with food these days and whilst sadly there can be very long waits for specialist treatment on the NHS, the perinatal mental teams in most areas will have more rapid access to support for you than outside of pregnancy. It is good that you have recognised the emerging pattern and are beginning to think about getting some help, so give yourself some credit for posting and please do speak to someone in real life.

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