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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Unsupportive boyfriend when miscarried

8 replies

Winchester95 · 20/02/2022 23:30

Me and my partner have been together nearly four years, he’s 30 and I’m 27. This was my first pregnancy and I was shocked to find out I was pregnant, we don’t live together so it wasn’t an ideal situation. He did not want the baby but I was partially on the fence, I found out I’d had a missed miscarriage on the 14th Feb. I was hysterical and called my mum who came home straight away to comfort me, my boyfriend calls me 2 hours later (I’m clearly upset and have been texting him in this time) and he asked me why I was upset. He then said did I want him to come to the hospital with me and if so he’d have to see if he could get the afternoon off of work. My mum was appalled with this, I then found out I’d have to come back another day for the medical management. He said he didn’t want to take the piss and keep asking for time off work so he’d pick me up after, not caring whether I went alone. Thankfully my sister came with me and my mum met me after work, he doesn’t actually seem to care. The tablets did not work and when I went to tell him this I miss typed a message to him and he asked me yesterday is it done yet? Not how do you feel or any concern for what my body and mind are going through.

He didn’t ask what it means for me that it’s not happened and didn’t ask about the phone call I had with hospital today.

I was going to his today and he didn’t come to pick me up, despite the fact that I could still have the miscarriage pass at any point. I told him I have to go to the hospital this week for surgery and he didn’t really say anything. I don’t know if I’m just overreacting because I’m hormonal and emotional but I’m very angry, is this behaviour normal for a guy in this situation?

I just want to have a good at him and he’ll him how insensitive he is, but he won’t see that he’s done anything wrong. And I’m trying not to break down before I have the surgery.

OP posts:
Winchester95 · 20/02/2022 23:31

That was supposed to say I want to have a go at him and tell him how insensitive he is

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pinkcattydude · 20/02/2022 23:41

I am so sorry for your loss, We all deal with loss in different ways to you, it was a baby with a future and a life of plans to him it could be the same or he could see it as just a bunch of cells and you yourself say it wasn’t the perfect time he may be relieved he also maybe trying to be strong many people find if hard to express emotions and a Mc is even harder as many people have no idea how to respond it’s still a taboo subject you. All you can do is ask for what you need he may or may not be able to provide but also find out how he’s coping if he needs anything - right now the most important thing is to talk it’s so easy to turn away right now.

showmethegin · 21/02/2022 10:49

It's irrelevant how he sees the pregnancy. Any man worth his salt would of course understand that a miscarriage is extremely traumatic both physically and emotionally and he has been neglectful to you when you needed him the most. I say that as someone who has had three so I completely understand what you are going through.

This bloke sound uncaring cold and just mean.

I'm so sorry for your loss x

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2022 10:52

You've seen who he really is now. This is the man you get when there is a crisis. He's shit, clearly, and his lack of compassion is appalling. I sincerely hope you end the relationship, and I'm sure your mother does, too.

Winchester95 · 22/02/2022 18:35

Thank you for your responses, we did have problems last year and he promised he’d work on his behaviour. Which he seemed to be doing, but he’s shown his true colours!

My whole family want me to dump him as do my best friends, I’ve got the surgery tomorrow (which he knows about) if he doesn’t come and see me after and chooses games over me then that really will be the last straw.

Thank you for your condolences cx

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Winchester95 · 22/02/2022 18:39

And showmethegin I am sorry that you’ve had 4 miscarriages, I do hope you have a successful pregnancy in the future x

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Miller2021 · 22/02/2022 19:49

I'm so sorry for your loss. Echoing every other PP here, your boyfriend is despicable - he should at least be supporting you while you go through something very upsetting, regardless of how he feels about the thing you're going through. I hope your surgery goes as well as it can, and that you have supportive people around you afterward.

Winchester95 · 22/02/2022 20:30

Thank you, my mum will be with me and I have my family at home. I’m going away to stay with friends this weekend, so I have a lot of great people around me. I do need to address this with him but I just don’t have it in me right now

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