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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnancy announcement, sad about colleagues reactions

53 replies

AnOverthinkerr · 17/02/2022 21:58

Or lack of! I've been signed off work with hg for months, I imagine most of them spoke between themselves and are aware that's why I've been off. I've not had any messages which I tried not to get upset about as I'm not at work maybe they didn't want to reach out, ok. I put a picture up on Facebook a couple of days ago however announcing the pregnancy now I'm half way and not a single person from work has so much as liked it, let alone commented or sent a message. My sickness has started to subside these last couple of weeks and I was hoping to go back to work in a week or so if it carries on getting better, but now I just feel really anxious about it, like all of my colleagues either don't like me that much or are annoyed about how much time I've missed. I feel so scared at the thought of going back now. Am I overthinking it or would it upset you to have every single person you work with ignore such a thing. I just feel like it can't be a coincidence

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Jojibear · 17/02/2022 23:09

I was newly pregnant in the first lockdown and unable to do a lot of the things that work asked us to do - I didn't tell my colleagues why but my line manager knew. Once I was comfortable telling people after 12 weeks, I told the colleagues who had been impacted by my absence personally as I wanted to explain.

Not saying this is what you should have done but I just felt it more professional to do so. But I also never announced or mentioned my pregnancy on social media so I had to tell people personally.

Try not to worry, I'm sure once you're back they will all thrilled for you!

AladdinPrincess999 · 17/02/2022 23:09

Are you sure they've all seen it? When did you post it? I have no idea how FB works as I don't have it myself.

Also, you're clearly an over thinker. Try not to care so much. It'll make you feel so much better.

Oh and congratulations! ❤

HiKelsey · 17/02/2022 23:15

Congratulations!

I wouldn't be too anxious. I was hospitalised on and off for the first 4 months of my pregnancy because of HG but went back full time. People didn't contact me because although a lot knew they were not allowed to say anything as its technically data protection so shouldn't have been shared outside the management circle. When I returned I was still ill but my team were so supportive (even when they're not really into children) acted the exact same but helped be flexible for me and I was flexible for them. I had HG all 9 months and had to hide sick bins around the store in case I couldn't make it to the bathroom (which was often). Even the cleaning staff were great because I always cleaned up after myself so if I struggled with something else they offered help where possible

2018SoFarSoGreat · 17/02/2022 23:15

Congrats on your pregnancy, OP. It does seem odd, but don't read too much into it. You are off sick, so should not be contacted under normal circumstances.

Just a thought, while you've been off, have you been liking your colleague's posts, and posting regularly on FB? Actual interaction?

Qwill · 17/02/2022 23:27

Oh, please don’t worry. Not many people do the ‘like’ thing or even use FB anymore. Unless your FB friends make up over 50% of you total friends on FB, then it’s not a worrying statistic for you. They’re probably just waiting to congratulate you in person as they might be scared to as you haven’t announced it at work yet. Also, please don’t worry about this sort of thing going forward, your pregnancy is so important to you, but you’ll soon realise that nobody outside your immediate friendship group of family is that bothered! It’s not to slight you, it’s just not really in their radar. Please don’t worry about going back to work.

Holskey · 17/02/2022 23:34

If one of my colleagues (whom I'm friendly with but not friends) had been off for a long time, then I see a surprise pregnancy announcement, I wouldn't say anything either. Not out of any negative feeling, just because of the combination of being off sick and the fact you'd not already told your colleagues. I wouldn't know if you'd want contact from work.

MumOfCheekyBoys · 18/02/2022 00:07

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I had to tell my team that I was pregnant on a Teams call and the news went down like lead balloon. Only the other 2 mums said anything, the others just sat there in silence. It was awful and made me feel like shit. They obviously couldn't see past how it affected them and workload. My company did get someone in to cover my maternity leave in the end so they were grumpy for nothing.

I really hope this is not the case for you. Your colleagues may well have just not seen the announcement - I don't look at Facebook v.often these days. Your work may have not told them why you're off (don't think they're allowed to are they?) so you could tell them when you go back in. Hope it all goes well for you!

Original poster

AnOverthinkerr · 18/02/2022 08:10

I hadn't thought about them perhaps not knowing and now finding out on Facebook, my manager couldn't tell them I knew that but a couple of others knew and I assumed would of said that's why I'm off. Is it bad if they have found out on Facebook? God now I'm anxious about that

OP posts:

FairyCakeWings · 18/02/2022 08:15

I think if they’ve not heard from you for months while they’ve been covering for you I can understand them not being full of congratulations like you’d expect from friends. It’s impossible to know without knowing what your workplace is like and if it’s likely they will have been given an unreasonable workload to cover your absence.

It’s not worth upsetting yourself for though, this is just a job and you’ll be off on a lovely maternity leave soon!

snowdropsanddaffodils · 18/02/2022 13:17

I doubt your colleagues knew as I'm pretty sure your boss wouldn't have been allowed to tell them the real reason for your absence. Now that they've found out your absence was pregnancy related I imagine that many may feel a distinct lack of empathy or sympathy if they have had to deal with an increase in workload, pressure, perhaps being unable to take annual leave and that having months off due to pregnancy sickness is excessive. Not saying that's how I would personally feel about another colleagues absence in this situation, and I've never had HG, but I've certainly heard office "talk" in this vein before. You have to remember that many people choose to be childfree these days, having a child is very much seen as a choice and that it's unfair when it impacts on others and lots of women just push on through the worst of pregnancy symptoms without it affecting anyone else. It's easy to become lost in the bubble of early pregnancy and forget about the negative impact it could have on others who don't share the same level of excitement as you?

Bluecheck679 · 18/02/2022 13:53

Op you sound very anxious and half the replies here won't help. Mumsnet unfortunately probably isn't the place if you're looking to feel better, but it's a shame that you're getting the AIBU treatment in the pregnancy forum 🙄

Anyway, I'm sorry your colleagues haven't liked the post. My Facebook is weird and doesn't show me half of friends' posts anymore. Perhaps that's happened. Perhaps they have actively not liked it. But it honestly doesn't matter.

It's work. I had HG and it was awful. I was off for months. Didn't have much support beyond legal formalities. But that's ok, I just treated it as work. Returned after mat leave and now I can throw everything into work, a few years down the line that pregnancy/absence time feels totally forgotten. Don't spend any time worrying over this. Ignore some of the responses here. Just keep getting through the pregnancy, do what you can manage at work but try not to be too emotionally invested if possible. But I know it is hard. All the best to you!

RidingMyBike · 18/02/2022 13:56

I can think of various reasons:

it's unlikely they already knew, managers would keep your reason for being off confidential so they probably have no idea. I'd be wary of contacting someone on sick leave, especially if they'd been off for a while.
have any of them even seen it on FB? If you're not close friends with them and don't often interact with them on there your post may not have even shown up in their feed.
not everyone responds well to scan pics (if that's what you put up).

Work pregnancy announcements are a bit of a minefield - I remember a colleague leaving a big tub of biscuits in the staff room with a note on it saying she was celebrating being pregnant. I went into staff room to put my lunch away, saw it and ended up sobbing behind some cupboards as we were at that point into year 3 of trying for a baby with zero sign of pregnancy. Fortunately it was early, no one else saw, and I pulled myself together enough to congratulate her when I did see her. But these are people you probably don't know as well as friends, so don't know what's happening in their lives?

HeadToToesNo · 18/02/2022 14:02

Have they definitely seen it? I used to mute people on Facebook all the time. Do you post quite a bit, like more than once or twice a week? I'd probably have muted you, so if I worked with you I'd not have seen this post.

Cakelover17 · 18/02/2022 14:15

You are totally over thinking it, but that’s understandable when you’ve been off for so long, it’s normal to be anxious about going back to work. There’s loads of reasons why people might not have liked your photo, and they obviously arnt actually friends as you didn’t tell any of them personally so don’t worry about it. It’s probably just not very exciting news for work colleagues! Which may sound harsh but I don’t mean it that way, but someone you work with who’s been off for months posting a pregnancy announcement just isn’t as big of a deal to them as it is to you. Especially as like you say they’ve probably known for a while, may just have not occurred to them to like it now it’s ‘official’. Don’t stress about it! Hopefully you feel better soon

Chocomelon · 18/02/2022 14:18

They're your colleagues. They are probably covering for you. They may not use Facebook that much.

Yes you do sound a bit silly agonising over "likes".

Viviennemary · 18/02/2022 21:08

I dont think I would reply if I happened to see such a message unless the person was a personal friend as well as a work colleague.

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/02/2022 21:26

They probably think that you're taking the piss and see it as you getting signed off work to get pregnant and then you'll be off for a year on maternity.

Yebbie · 19/02/2022 08:50

@TeachesOfPeaches

They probably think that you're taking the piss and see it as you getting signed off work to get pregnant and then you'll be off for a year on maternity.

Are you seriously describing a woman signed off with hyperemesis as skiving to get pregnant?

Honestly some women on mumsnet truly seem to hate women. It's baffling. I hope you never have to experience what HG is like, I've had it in two pregnancies and I lost a staggering amount of weight and was hospitalised nearly 20 times. This attitude is truly vile.

alwayslearning789 · 19/02/2022 09:10

"It's easy to become lost in the bubble of early pregnancy and forget about the negative impact it could have on others who don't share the same level of excitement as you?"

You put it on Facebook - a public forum.

You didn't tell them, the people who will be covering your work, by email at the very least.

As a PP said, you also need to think outside the bubble of your own experience.

An email to your colleagues would have been better, but I am sure when they see you they will congratulate you.

Don't take the lack of likes personally, some people
will not use Facebook in that way, so it might be totally unrelated to your own personal circumstances.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 19/02/2022 09:18

This is only facebook, they might not have seen it, they might not think its an appropriate place to communicate with work colleagues, you're not close friends, lots of people aren't that fussed by pregnancy announcements, there might be a work policy not to communicate with people off sick, loads of reasons.
Just build up your resilience & deal with the situation as you find it when you get back to work & stop agonising about social media.

TeachesOfPeaches · 20/02/2022 05:33

@Yebbie I didn't say I thought that. I said her colleagues might think that

Militarywife7 · 14/01/2023 12:41

It’s hurtful to think others don’t want to congratulate you on you’re wonderful news. I guess maybe they aren’t as friendly as you perceived? I got made redundant on maternity leave, did so many personally things for everyone at a small company. Not one of them messaged after hearing I wasn’t coming back anymore - only close colleagues.

This learnt me to not really have any expectations of colleagues, and that some are only nice as a formality because you work together on a daily basis.

Congratulations btw, rise above them!

Moni81 · 14/01/2023 12:59

Why would you even have work colleagues on your Facebook. In the world we live in it's best to keep work people out of your private life. I only have them on WhatsApp work group and apart of work related stuff don't get involved. I'm currently pregnant and don't care what they think of it, it's not their business.

gawditswindy · 14/01/2023 18:08

Presumably there's a baby by now?

Alpacabag22 · 14/01/2023 18:09

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Sorry its been a rough ride so far. With Facebook, always worth remembering there's a good chance people haven't seen your post - the FB timeline is a mysterious thing and when I log on the days it's mostly adverts and nonsense! Or they might be more comfortable dating congratulations face to face wheb you're back I would judge them by their response wheb you're back to work and not a post they may or may not have seen. I hope they give you a warm welcome and congratulations when you're back. And if they don't, it says more about them than you!

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