Three weeks to go, masses to do, DH not being supportive. HELP

[neuroticlady]

Finally kicked DH out of office last week which we're turning into the nursery. At the moment it looks like this: paint pots still on the floor (and it stinks of paint which I'm also stressing about). The paint (cream) was just to touch up the walls in places but doesn't match the original and looks terrible. DH says 'it'll have to do'. No furniture - I have had to make do with leftover bookshelves for baby stuff, which I've put baskets on, but he refuses to shift all his old records etc off one shelf. No curtains at windows yet, I bought them but they're still lying unopened on the floor. I am knackered but the onus is on me to keep hitting the shops (in the sales, agh) to buy all the stuff we still need. Bottle steriliser, pram, expessing thingy and monitor still in boxes, have had no time to unpack and practice. I really hoped the last few weeks would be a time to relax, put my feet up etc but instead I'm rowing daily with DH, charging around trying to get everything ready and feeling totally unsupported. He says completely unhelpful things like 'It's my holiday too' and then goes and plays Playstation. Is this a male denial thing or is he just being a lazy shit? How can I get him to understand I could go into labour at any time and that this is a massive source of stress to me? (Apart from by stabbing him ?)

don't stress about the nursery, have the baby in with you for a month or so, makes feeding much easier anyway.

He needs a kick up the bum by the sound of it!

You don't need all that junk.

Baby will be in your room for first six months anyway.

You say "expressing thingy" so I guess you're planning on breastfeeding? Establish it before you express. Easier.

And spend the time you would be spending on buying stuff reading about the normal course of breastfeeding and what to do to get support if you need it (posting on here a good start).

Sorry, I say "baby will be in your room" - I meant "will probably be" - I realise people do things differently. FSIDS guidelines say it's safest though.

hunker, you are a godsend to mothers everywhere! I wish I had you and MN when I first had DD.

Hi neuroticlady, remember me? I thought we had teh same EDD but I'm five weeks to go. At least you've bought stuff! I haven't (apart from pram, and I practised far too early with that, I can't remember how it works now)

On the nursery front I am going down the 'baby won't care what it looks like' route plus I'm not planning on it being in there for a while, so if it's the same for you that gives you more time.

Is it just you and dh or will there be more family around after the baby is born? If so, I imagine others will do stuff for you?

I hope you get to relax, xx

Tis true Hunker.

I'm 39+2 and my baby hasn't even got a nursery! We only have a 3 bed house dd is in one room, ds in one and dp and I are in the other. This baby (another boy) will be in our room in his moses basket and then in his cot until he's old enough to move into his brother's room. So chill.

In fact if he's anything like his brother the moses basket and cot won't even be used as he'll be in with us.

As for sterilisers etc buy them online!

Sounds horribly familiar to me! I think what you have to undertand is that its just not real to men until the bub is plonked into their arms and what bloke cares about curtains, paint colours and wall stickers anyway! DS2 is 7 weeks and there are still jobs in DS1s room (now 3 years) that haven't been done - DH is an electrician and there are no sockets in there fgs!! Try giving him one specific job at a time to do and choose your moments, my DHs best time is first thing in the morning just after breakfast.

If I were you I'd pack the records into a box and put them by DHs side of the bed and just get on doing the room yourself. Dodgy wall colour can be masked with lovely big wall stickers (B&Q do some great ones). Baskets on shelves sounds lovely, try tying muslins over them so they look really posh.

Were you planning to have lo in with you to start with? If so you can put some jobs off til your recovered a bit, I've only just put up the new curtains and lampshade. perhaps think about what you'll need immediately when you bring lo home (car seat, bed in your room, monitor, somewhere to change nappies and somewhere to store clothes etc). Also you can do alot of shopping online, boots, mothercare, babiesrus, tescodirect, argos all do online shopping.

If I were you (and I'm horribly obsessive compulsive about this sort of thing) I'd make a list of everything you need to get done, prioritise it and then just work your way through it day by day. Try and remember not everything has to be done before lo arrives.

Good luck and believe me it all pales into insignificance once your lo is in your arms for a little while anyway!

I do agree that you won't need all that stuff, just wanted to add that I know why you are annoyed with your dh! Really, at your stage of pregnancy, he should be pandering to your every whim......

I remember feeling that all of that stuff was REALLY IMPORTANT. It is a natural nesting instinct.

hunker I should have been more clear, we will be having baby in with us (in bassinet) for first few months, but I want the nursery ready (or at least not resembling something at the beginning of 'Changing Rooms') so I can do his nappy changes, daytime sleeps etc in there and get him a bit used to it. I know you are all right in that it's not life or death stuff to have all this sorted out, and I know it's probably irrational nesting thing, but it's DH's lazy-arse attitude that's totally stressing me out. He hasn't been particularly good at running around after me at all (I got home after buying first baby clothes nappies etc in sales then went straight out with poor dogs who hadn't been walked all day then got home ready to collapse and he asks what's for dinner and could I make it as he's hungry.... ]angry])

Thanks for empathy and advice, Pheebe, I too am terrible obsessive compulsive - you want to see the number of 'to do' lists I have going...

Hello BellaBear yes of course I remember you! We do have the same EDD but it looks like I'll be induced a week or two early due to coming off blood thinning drugs at 36 weeks then needing to be monitored etc. I think this slightly earlier deadline has also been stressing me out. No family around to help afterwards, just us which I think is why it's felt so important to me to be as organised as possible beforehand. How is everything with you?

Hello . I'm fine, my dh seems a bit more cooperative than yours - on your behalf, he sounds like he needs a hefty nudge into running around after you! Well, I imagine, after the baby is born there won't be any dinners coming from you and maybe he'll get the idea?! I also know what you mean about trying to get things ready so it's not something you'll have to think about later.

I hope it all goes well for you, xx

men just don't get it.

They don't understand that you are Having A Baby and you need it sorted NOW.

I was like it with DD, thought by the time I had DS I would be calmer, but no... I dragged my mum round 7 different shops to find the perfect ironing board because mine had broken and I needed a new one Before The Baby!!!!

The fact that I rarely iron, and now I am not pregnant I can see that an ironing board is an ironing board had nothing to do with it. it was all Very Important.

Luckily what with mum having been a pregnant woman in the past, she was very tolerant

It will be fine. Your husband isn't being intentionally not caring, he just doesn't understand

I'm with the above, you won't need a nursery for months so don't get stressed about it.
Please try and chill

Am surprised at how many people are telling a heavily pregnant woman to chill - must be the safety of the internet .

Before DS1 was born I recall the nursery being ready was really important to me. Not for the baby, but for me. Having the nursery ready, was a sign that I was ready to become a mother. I know it sounds cheesy, but if it hadn't been ready I would have felt totally unprepared (not something I ever like to feel ).

So I won't say chill to the OP. I say go and give that lazy arsed DH of yours a right royal kick up the arse and tell him he needs to get the nursery sorted - pronto!

As for his stuff. Gawd the lazy git - he expects you to shift heavy stuff at your stage of pregnancy - disgraceful

hi again
I just remembered something my mum told me when I in a nesting frenzy and had to have everything done NOW. The nursery will (and should) grow up round the baby so get the basics in place - cot, nappy changing area and storage area - and worry about the rest once lo is here. She was quite right of course as mothers often infuriatingly are, once DS1 arrived, the lovely gold curtains and neutral decor I'd picked out for him even though I knew he was a boy just wasn't right and I was redecorating within a month!

Dejags - you're quite right of course, there's something about getting the nursery ready that is a part of preparing yourself for your new role, but then you realise that it isn't the disney stickers and matching soft furnishings that makes you a mum but the cuddles, care and tenderness.

Neuroticlady, it does look like you are heading for perfection, and I am sorry to say you will fail so why not chill now!

We live in a two bed with a full study so baby will be with us until we move at 5months and I will be adopting some bookshelves as wardrobes, it really does not matter. looks like a nice chicken and egg situaton: You have nesting urges, try to involve him, he does not see the rush, you get annoyed and nag (sorry, i do! , he retreats to Playstation for safety, you get more wound up. Continue at infinitum or until next big row. I know what I am talking about, sitting next to DH (we have a computer each or I would be deprived ) and he is obsessively killing something...again.

Do some nesting every day, then put your feet up. If you have a crib or moses basket, nappies and a pair of boobs you are pretty much ready!