Night weaning tips

[mooonbaby]

I have a 17 month old son and have recently found out I’m pregnant. I’m still breastfeeding my son - he’s heavily reliant on it and gets a lot of comfort from it. I’m happy to continue breastfeeding in the day (he doesn’t have many day feeds now - only really if he’s upset / overtired / teething etc) but I’d really like to stop feeding him through the night. The first trimester tiredness is beginning to kick in and I have a high pressured job so would really like to be able to have a decent nights sleep. Currently my husband isn’t able to help out at night because my son will cry and cry to the point he’s so distressed and will literally throw up. Any ideas on how to gently night wean a boob obsessed toddler??

I’m going to sound cold, but they just need to cry it out and get used to a new routine. We got a night nurse as our little one was driving us crazy at 8 months with regressions. She did 3 nights over one weekend, and said by 6 months night feeds should be over. As long as they take a decent bottle their last one of the night they will go through to morning. All she did those 3 nights was get up when our DD cried, watch her and give her a reasonable time to get in her new routine. By the 2nd night she didn’t wake up. Get some earplugs/heard rn your heart a little for a few nights. It’s an easy thing to tweak

*harden your heart that sounds have said

Thank you for taking the time to comment but I really couldn’t bring myself to do that. I would much rather the sleepless nights than have my son get in to such a state all by himself. I appreciate this works for many families but I’m looking for a much gentler approach. I have 8 or so months to get something to work and will be happy to spend the whole 8 months trying

What have you tried with your husband, like has this crying til throwing up happened many times? What’s wee one like with DH soothing him during day? I am asking because on both occasions it was DH soothing them at night which helped, if I tried they would get extremely angry and confused at why I was reducing milk. We had to deal with this after a few days but him doing the first few nights really helped us.

Just here to say that the first comment you received OP is quite simply awful. It is biologically normal for a young child to wake through the night, despite what society tells us, and the only reason CIO methods ‘work’ is because it teaches the child that nobody is coming so there’s no point in crying. But crying is their only form of communication. They are communicating their needs to you. We now know how much of a negative long lasting effect CIO has on babies, so I’m glad you’re choosing a gentle method OP and listening to your child. Even we as adults wake during the night, so why would you force a child to not to? It’s beyond me. I’m not trying to sound judgey or nasty to the first poster either. It’s just totally outdated. I would say I appreciate that different things work for different people but in that instance, I don’t agree that it should be down to the child to pay the price. That’s just what happens when you become a parent…you become a parent. That means you’re around 24/7, not just 7am-7pm.
I wish you luck anyway OP. I am currently 5 weeks with my second and I am still breastfeeding including feeding to sleep, although not stopping. But I can relate to the tiredness! Hope it all works out for you. X

@mooonbaby
I have the exact same situation here with my 10m old. Also in 1st trimester... and would also do anything to gently night wean.
She uses me as a pacifier but won't take one. Or a bottle.
My husband is not good enough for her because she s only ever been sleeping with me, we cosleep.

I feel your pain, you have my sympathy. I cannot bring myself to let her cry it out but I am so desperate for a decent sleep 🥲

We just went cold turkey. If LO knows boob is still an option (or you give in and give it to them) then they will keep crying until they get it.

I did similar to the first poster but not CIO. So, I made the decision one night that feeding overnight was going to stop (I still feed on demand in the day). Crucially, I was happy that LO was not unwell or hungry.

When LO woke in the night, I went to her and held her and comforted her, but I didn't feed her. The first night was pretty bad. She screamed (and I mean screamed) for over 2 hours. I didn't give in and would hold her, then put her down in her cot. Basically pick up / put down.

The second night (and every night since!) she's slept through. It was like she was waking out of habit for boob, and once that habit was broken, she just didn't wake up.

OP would he take a bottle of expressed milk or formula, or a sippy cup?

I formula fed so I'm probably barking up the wrong tree but I remember my mum giving my youngest brother when he was a small toddler, a cup of expressed BM or formula before bed, and he had more of a sippy cup type bottle and had a couple of those in the night and eventually dropped them to sleeping through. (We have a big age gap so I remember it quite well)

I was a bottle feeding mum and we night weaned my son off his 3 bottles a night at about the same age.

My son would be beyond hysterical if he didn't get his milk - so some people would advise reducing quantity - once he was on air he would scream.

So we choose a gentle method and first switched to bottles of water and then to cuddles then to a pat on the back.

The gentle method we used is about replacing the comfort with something else each time which is less what they want.

It did take a few weeks but I couldn't leave him to scream all night

@welshladywhois40 has hit the nail on the head. Replace the comfort he is getting from the feeding with something else. It's not about completely removing all comfort.

I've heard to give water instead at night and should work soon. Think you have left it too long now no offence but should have weaned him off night feeds long ago x

I weaned mine at 19months. I stopped cold turkey one night. It was difficult and DC cried and screamed for over 2 hours. However, that was it and DC hasn't asked for it at night since then. One or two nights max and you'll be done.
I don't think you've left it late. Do what works for you for as long as you're comfortable. X

Of course you can do it any time that suits you all. Problem being, of course, that tips from people who did it earlier or later might not be relevant. I’ve checked my ‘night weaning’ thread from years ago to see how I did it - the answer involves a lot of talking (at 24 months) which might not be quite as relevant for you. You need to just search up loads of tips and ideas and then think of what makes sense in your set up. Here’s cut-and-paste how I did it:

I started by getting rid of feeding to sleep at naps and bedtimes, which I was confident about as she used to do without it and she naps at nursery. So I got DH to put her down for naps and introduced a story between bedtime feed and bed - with introduction of the idea that the breasts were going to sleep at bedtime too.

Once that was in place, I felt ready to not feed in the night. The first couple of nights there was a lot of wailing and a lot of crying for breastmilk. DH and I both cuddled her to sleep in a chair, found she woke on return to cot, did a bit more cuddling, let her cry a bit. On one occasion I got a bit confused and ended up giving her a cup of juice That lasted about two nights.

After that she seemed a bit more amenable to some reassurance and comfort in her cot - I've always read about people reassuring and patting and never found that it comforted or calmed dd, but that seemed to change. So now I can go in, give her a bit of chat, wander out and go back if needs be (if crying ensues and not subsided by time I get back to bed, really).

I'd say in general that I'm using a lot more talk about sleep, her cot animals, what's happening when we wake up, who's asleep and where, who's trying to get to sleep and so on than I was before I started

@mooonbaby

Just to update this. I was in the same situation (as per my post up thread).
Last week we decided to stop BF all night. I was becoming too tired and nauseous.

What we did:
My husband started sleeping with us (me and DD cosleep) so he could also be here and soother her, she normally doesnt like him doing it though.

BUT somehow it worked... i BF her to sleep at 8/8.20pm and everytime she woke up we just cuddled her, held her, stroke her back kissed her etc... she would hysterically cry at first but eventually would just fall back to sleep. No more than 5/10min crying/whining.
Then at 2.30/3am i BF her ( idea was to go down to 1 feed first). And we did the same comforting for when she woke up after that until morning 7/8am.
The first 4 nights she was waking 5 to 8 times. Looking for the boob. Sometimes settling with DH and Sometimes just with me.
Now it has been 2 nights she only wakes up once or twice. The first stretch has become the longest it's ever been. She slept until 4am and 5.30am the past 2 days.
I actually am starting to feel more rested.
DH has gone back to his bed also, as I don't really need his help anymore!

That being said, now she wants to BF a lot more during the day- she was already a boob addict 🥲 so that's the next step!

We did 5 days off work for my DH, he did all the nighttime soothing, and had a big sleep in the morning. It felt a but mean but little one is being comforted and soothed just not by milk, did at 9 months and worked within a few nights sleep massively improved too